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to want to go back to sharing this lift?

(24 Posts)
user17896 Mon 16-Jan-17 14:34:55

In a nutshell, DD and friend do the same after school activity. Friend's mum and I shared the lift home (girls arrive separately from different schools). Friend's mum became unwell about a year ago so i took DD and friend home every week - no problem, happy to help out.

Fast forward to a year later, friend's mum is fully recovered but has made no mention of going back to sharing the lift confused. She now doesn't even ask or thank me for the lift, it seems to be expected that I will carry on bringing her DD home every week. Should I just text to say I can no longer drop her DD home? I am now bringing another friend home too so could really do without multiple drop offs at 9pm in the evening.

Allthewaves Mon 16-Jan-17 14:36:53

Just text and say can we go back to taking turns dojng pick up

Getnakedorgohome Mon 16-Jan-17 14:37:29

Just text her saying 'can't do pick up next week, are you OK to pick up dd and x? We'll ask x's mum if she can do following week smile '

user17896 Mon 16-Jan-17 14:45:07

I am normally quite up front about this kind of thing but this mum is quite scary!

PopGoesTheFuckingWeasel Mon 16-Jan-17 14:49:08

I'm very brash and direct, and I'd just ask her straight. If you don't feel comfortable with this, however, could you bring it up in a conversation about how happy you are that she's feeling better?

"You'll be able to share the lifts again now, how fantastic!", within a list of a few positives?

Hope that makes sense

Katy07 Mon 16-Jan-17 17:08:01

What getnaked said.

BriefExclamations Mon 16-Jan-17 17:14:49

It really is easiest just to ask. Don't make up reasons or excuses and there is no need to apologise. I'd say something along the lines of

ScareyMum, I just wanted to ask if we can go back to sharing the girls lift. I can do next week but can you do the week after, thank.

HecateAntaia Mon 16-Jan-17 17:18:47

I wouldnt ask.
Asking invites the reply sorry no. Asking is a request. De lining a request is a valid response.

I would make a statement rather than ask a question.

We need to go back to sharing lifts. I'm sure you agree it's not really fair to expect me to do them all.

If 'scary mum' kicks off then say ok make your own way there and back. . I'm not going to continue this arrangement

harderandharder2breathe Mon 16-Jan-17 17:20:07

Agree, no excuses just ask her. If you don't tell her, she probably thinks you're perfectly happy ("well she'd be picking up DD anyway so no extra trouble to pick up both") just tell her you need to go back to lift sharing again.

Leeds2 Mon 16-Jan-17 17:23:00

I think you will have to discuss it to some extent, either face to face or by text, because there is now an extra child involved. Would the extra's parent be prepared to take each girl home every third week?

CloserToFine Mon 16-Jan-17 17:26:17

Harriet, I'm so glad to see [or hear] you're feeling better. Now that you're back in the swing of things, would it be ok if we go back to our old system of alternating nights to drop off the girls after needlepoint class? I was glad I could help while you were ill but this year is even busier and I don't think I can manage every week. It would be a big help to me if we could go back to swapping. See you soon! --Myrna x

Note to OP-- if you're dropping off another child anyway, how does this help you? And why aren't this other child's parents in the rota as well?

CloserToFine Mon 16-Jan-17 17:26:58

I'm notoriously wordy, in case that wasn't obvious smile.

EveOnline2016 Mon 16-Jan-17 17:28:02

I know you said the other parent was unwell, but in all this time did she offer fuel money or buy a little thank you gift.

user17896 Tue 17-Jan-17 12:42:38

Thanks for all the replies, and i agree that asking invites a possible 'no' in some form. Other child's mum brings my DD home on another day so it makes it a little more complicated but all three girls are very good friends so the lifts can definitely be shared out equally! Scarymum used to text and ask if i could do the lift but now there is nothing, just her DD waiting expectantly for a lift! Then nothing, no quick thank you text etc. Bizarre.

user17896 Tue 17-Jan-17 12:49:16

I think i find it bizarre because I am super aware of 'owing' someone a favour, be it a lift or whatever. I had a period of bad health and I was so grateful and thankful to the friends who helped out and made sure i thanked everyone and returned the favours when i was able. I am due to see scarymum tomorrow so will get my speech ready smile

MatildaTheCat Tue 17-Jan-17 12:53:56

Closer has it perfectly. If you are anxious about getting the words out just send her text, although possibly inserting your own names. smile

Don't feel bad or awkward she's taking you for a mug. Equally you could mention that since you covered 2016 perhaps she could do 2017?

RedHelenB Tue 17-Jan-17 13:01:12

YABU if you dont say anything because you doing the driving is now the status quo. Ask her if she will go back to sharing , if the answer is no then you need to decide what happens then.

CouldntMakeThisShitUp Tue 17-Jan-17 14:28:48

i'd just text "hi, just wanted to let you know that we need to arrange lift share as i can't do all the drop offs anymore due to other engagements. we need to arrange something starting as of next week. i look forward to hearing from you"

With people like that, who can't even be bothered using their manners but will take and take, you don't give them an option/excuse to say 'no'.
Present it as a fait accompli, she will have no choice other than to start sharing or letting her dd travel back alone.

why are you scared of her anyway?

user17896 Tue 17-Jan-17 17:09:19

Ok i will woman up and say it face to face. I am not scared of her exactly, just find that kind of conversation a bit awkward.

CouldntMakeThisShitUp Tue 17-Jan-17 17:32:07

i know grin but that's exactly what she will be relying on.

they will use any perceived 'weakness'

Witchend Tue 17-Jan-17 17:46:55

You can ask, but in a "would it sit you better to do next week etc or the week after etc."
It's a bit like saying to a child do you want broccoli or carrots. They have to choose one.

HappenstanceMarmite Thu 19-Jan-17 13:46:00

Have you spoken to the piss taker her yet?

lurkinghusband Thu 19-Jan-17 13:58:33

CloserToFine

The other IG fan ?

bumsexatthebingo Thu 19-Jan-17 15:02:08

In what way is she 'scary'? I'm not sure I'd want her picking up my dd?
I think you've added a complication by now taking another child. Scarymum may be unwilling to do 2 extra drop offs. Does she even know the other mum? You would need to arrange something between the 3 of you now really.

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