My 11 year old DS did not qualify for a bursary place at his two independent school choices. Sounds relatively minor writing it down but it is proving a trigger for larger issues I'm working through.
My parents and siblings are struggling with various difficulties and are all isolated. Becoming a single parent at 24 I vowed to would whatever it took to give my son hope, happiness and security.
When he started primary I returned to full time education having previously left uni after 1 year. This time I achieved a first, got a full scholarship to my masters at a top uni and am now doing my PhD which is fully funded too. I am confident that I will have a successful, fulfilling career at the end of it.
But that is still some way off (2 and a half years to go until I finish the doctorate) and I feel bitter and disappointed that I am not in position to pay for the educational experience I feel my son - who is bright and thoroughly enjoys school - deserves. The school he had his heart set on said they would interview for him for fee paying place. The fees are the same amount as my scholarship - it's practically unworkable.
We have been working towards this goal for years and I feel like an idiot for striving for something that it seems was never really in reach. One of the schools is just around the corner and it will be upsetting to pass it, knowing we're not in the position to access it. DS cried when I told him yesterday but all things considering is taking it quite well. He woke up with a smile on his face today - which I admire him hugely for. I am being positive for him but privately I feel distraught and stupidly naive. I have little support in real life and am tired of battling on alone.
AIBU?
To feel completely destroyed
Itsgettingbetter · 16/01/2017 11:09
Be proud that your son woke up with a smile on his face. You have raised a great kid!
Be proud that you are working hard on your PHd and giving your son a real life example of what hard work and persistence can achieve ( and I'm guessing without a private school background)
Yes it's disappointing and it sucks. Spend a day wallowing and then try to move on. There are plenty of non fee paying schools that your son could thrive at.
and 
for you
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Thank you rainbow and lateal
Surely entering the world of work at the beginning of primary might have put you in more of a position to afford it?
Not with paying London rent and other expenses as well as the low level work I would have been qualified to do, hence returning to education.
Do you have any assets - could you remortgage for the fees? would family loan you the money?
Unfortunately not, our home is rented and my family are the opposite of moneyed
If there's one thing I've learned- never "set your heart on" a particular school!
Yes, I see that now. But everyone was positive for him, especially his tutor, a lovely woman, who told me, "it's in the bag". So we believed with all our hearts 
What's your own educational background, OP?
State and not a good experience. Admittedly though, I am different to my parents and London secondary schools seem much different to how they they were in Nineties.
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