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Sick of being asked when the next one is coming

(121 Posts)
user1470064958 Sun 15-Jan-17 20:46:53

We had DD 6 months ago getting on as expected, loving being a mum but aibu to be so sick of being asked / pressured to have a sibling already / if at all!!!

4 days after birth it began and it just doesn't stop from friends and family!angry

We are married and in our thirties but currently are happy and have no plans for another at all. I know this may well change but I just don't understand how it is everyone's right to ask/ badger about the subject. My sister in law is a real smart arse about it as they have three. It's getting to the point where I want to tell everyone to F**k off and mind there own business.

I feel incredibly annoyed by it all and just feel if / when we say we are happy as is that it's all going to be rammed down our throats how selfish we are. Surely it's OUR decision and isn't anyone's business except maybe DH, DD and the person who's vagina the sibling will come out of?!

rosewineisgreat Sun 15-Jan-17 20:48:34

YANBU

BlueParrott Sun 15-Jan-17 20:50:35

Nosey gets. How do they know you can have another one? You could have had a one shot ivf or suffered losses. People used to ask me this when they knew my sons dad had done a disappearing act!

LearningHowToFly Sun 15-Jan-17 20:51:39

YANBU a friend of mine has chosen to have only one and gets sick of these sorts of comments as does my DS who would love more but can't.

HateSummer Sun 15-Jan-17 20:51:47

Yanbu. I bet it's the same people who announce when they're ttc. Like we really want to know you're having unprotected sex 🙄👏👏👏

MorrisZapp Sun 15-Jan-17 20:53:42

Blimey, what an unpleasant family you have. Just say 'we don't know', they're hardly going to poke holes in your durex are they.

PastysPrincess Sun 15-Jan-17 21:00:46

Yep this really pisses me off too! I was being wheeled down to the ward after having my son and the midwives were joking about me having another one. When I said theres no way I'm doing that again, they just laughed and said I'd change my mind. Practically everyone in my life has told me I'd change my mind or pressured me about it. Lunch time today MiL in unhappy because she wants a granddaughter and obviously I'm not going to oblige; she acts as though I'm inconveniencing her!

2 1/2 years on and still haven't changed my mind. It really is one else's business...and if I do change my mind, thats no one elses business either.

I've been told by several people it's selfish to only have one child; I just tell them unless they are willing for me to have a say in their reproductive choices, they don't get a say in mine.

hoopdeloop Sun 15-Jan-17 21:03:59

I get this all the time too, it was even mentioned twice during speeches at our wedding!

If I'm close to the person asking, I'll explain our thoughts on another baby. If not I'll ask the other person when they are having another/first etc. Normally flusters them quickly and they stop!

FortyFacedFuckers Sun 15-Jan-17 21:07:06

Yes I have had years of this, DS is 11 and after 10 years off TTC, IVF & miscarriages most people have finally stopped asking. If I were you I would be quite blunt/rude if anyone asks it might make them think again before asking.

JustHereForThePooStories Sun 15-Jan-17 21:07:20

I get this all the time (slightly different as I'm mid-30s, married 9 years, and no kids). I find "oh, haven't even thought about it" followed by a head tilt and a very cheery "speaking of which, how's your sex life?" does wonders.

PeridotPassion Sun 15-Jan-17 21:08:50

Don't take it to heart - in the nicest way possible, people don't generally actually care. People just say things to have something to say.

I have 2ds's. After ds1 it was 'Oh when will you have another' or 'do you want a close age gap?' questions.

When ds2 was born two years later it was either 'Oh two boys - what a pity it wasn't a girl to have one of each!' hmm and again - 'so will you be having any more or are you done?' and 'Are you going to have another to try for a girl?'

Ds3 is now due in May and people go into overdrive. '3 boys - you'll have your handsful!' is common. 'Oh what a pity, still no girl. Were you disappointed' is another.

It never stops op...never. Just smile and give a bored, flippant answer and move on.

user1470064958 Sun 15-Jan-17 21:53:12

Definitely giving a generic answer from now on. People seemingly have no filter whatsoever!

annlee3817 Sun 15-Jan-17 21:58:26

YANBU

I keep being told that I am mean for only wanting one and that I will change my mind. One of my closest friends is adamant that I'll have another even if I fall pregnant by accident. She was glad when I lost my pregnancy diary as felt I dwelled too much on the pregnancy and that if I forgot about it I would then want a second hmm I have a weak cervix and don't want to go through the stress again of progesterone pessaries, risk of pre term labour etc

My family can't accept it either.... A few hours after giving birth the peadeatric midwife said I'd make a good candidate for a home birth next time... That irritated me.

Mamaprima Sun 15-Jan-17 22:11:43

1 year and 2 months after and we are still being asked when the next one is coming. And we (I) keep saying that probably we won't have another one. I'm sick of this kind of questions.

MollyHuaCha Sun 15-Jan-17 22:17:30

People just come out with this nonsense because they are looking for something to say. It hasn't occurred to them you might have fertility issues or a weak cervix or have already decided you want one or zero children or that despite having two sons, believe it or not you are not actually desperate for a daughter. So don't take it to heart. And no need to answer this kind of question truthfully either, unless you want to.

PastysPrincess Sun 15-Jan-17 22:35:45

If they get me on a bad day I say something along the lines of...

"Well the first one did so much damage I had to have an operation to repair it, so I dont really want to ruin it again...afterall the Surgeon said I'm almost good as new" 😝😝

smearedinfood Mon 16-Jan-17 12:40:40

I think there is some kind of expectation to have some 2 year age gap, so hence all of the questions.

Try,
I'm just grateful for what I have...
We are just not getting the sleep to even consider that...
How can I improve on perfection....
or my favourite ..
you do know the costs of childcare don't you?...

which is a bit of shock when the find out its the cost of their mortgage.. and then they shut up...

Famalam13 Mon 16-Jan-17 12:42:21

YANBU! We at having only one but everyone thinks they know better and that they can lecture us on the downsides of having one. Was told very firmly on Friday by a colleague that I 'must' have another. Hate, hate, hate it.

bluebellsparklypants Mon 16-Jan-17 12:50:29

Everyone goes on about it don't they your not alone, I think it will always be asked no matter how many kids we have!

Tessabelle74 Mon 16-Jan-17 12:53:03

This is a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation! If you have one child you're selfish as they "need" a sibling and if you have more (4 here!) you're selfish as they don't get any "quality" time with a parent! Both examples are total tosh so tell them to get lost and poke their noses somewhere else!

CripsSandwiches Mon 16-Jan-17 12:54:20

YANBU. Asking people about when they're going to have babies is such a personal question. So many reasons it could be awkward (fertility, relationship problems, financial problems). Totally not acceptable small talk.

AllTheLight Mon 16-Jan-17 12:58:50

It's just a thing people say. They're not trying to pressure you (unless maybe it's your mum) - most people don't care really!

Famalam13 Mon 16-Jan-17 13:00:59

Not always true Light, in my experience people are very vocal about only children and I regularly have people both inside and outside my family tell me I must have another because it's not right to have one.

JuniDD Mon 16-Jan-17 13:03:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whatdoiso Mon 16-Jan-17 13:05:18

I find "I had to a hysterectomy after DS1 so I didn't die" tends to shut them up grin A handy co sequence of an otherwise crappy thing.

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