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To be so afraid of time passing

(19 Posts)
NowwhatdoIdo123 Sun 15-Jan-17 20:39:21

A very close family member keeps telling me I must make the most of every moment with my babies because time passes so quickly they'll soon be at school. This doesn't seem a big deal in itself but she literally tells me this several times a week and it's now starting to play on my mind all the time. I feel that I must spend every waking moment with them or I might feel I've missed out and regret it. I'm meant o be going back to work soon (3 days a week to begin with) and I feel really upset about it because I now feel I will miss out on valuable time with my children and regret it later. It's starting to make me feel quite neurotic. I'm even struggling to do housework incase I'm spending too much time not focusing on them. Needless to say I never go out without them incase I'm wasting time I could be with them. My babies are only 19 months old and 3 months!

Has anyone else experienced this?

hoopdeloop Sun 15-Jan-17 20:53:03

I get this all the time, the MIL also likes to drop it in every so often.

There is nothing you can do to stop time passing. Enjoy the moments you have together and don't stress about going back to work. Limit yourself a time period a day for doing housework and the rest of the time is with your little ones and some time for you as well or you will exhaust yourself flowers

NowwhatdoIdo123 Mon 16-Jan-17 06:56:53

Thanks Hoop x

picklemepopcorn Mon 16-Jan-17 06:58:13

Don't let other people's neurosis spoil your time. Just enjoy it. I enjoy my kids even more now than I did then.

hesterton Mon 16-Jan-17 07:00:48

It doesn't pass THAT fast. Some bits drag on.

GetAHaircutCarl Mon 16-Jan-17 07:06:07

Time passes.
Sometimes it feels quick. Sometimes it feels slow.
But pass it does.
Enjoy anything and everything you can but do not feel obliged.

NavyandWhite Mon 16-Jan-17 07:08:43

You poor thing. Who is this family member? Could you tell them what they're saying is upsetting and that you are spending as much time as you can with your DC but jobs still have to be done? Or maybe your H?

Actually I think it is important for mums to have some time out doing something just for them. I remember the days when mine were tiny and sometimes I felt like I would go mad.

Enjoy them and look after yourself is my motto smile

NowwhatdoIdo123 Mon 16-Jan-17 07:14:21

Person is MIL. I didn't want to say because I get on brilliantly with her it's just this. She's forever saying how sad it is that the children are growing up so fast, then she'll look at them look back at me and pull a sad face. They're only 19 months old and the youngest is just 3 months!

NavyandWhite Mon 16-Jan-17 07:17:26

Ah ok. Maybe she's projecting. She's growing older and seeing you with two lovely babies has made her wish she hadn't rushed through life when her dc were young. If you don't feel up to saying anything given you have a good relationship normally please know that you're doing nothing wrong and time isn't passing you by. You can't stop time and your DC will grow up. That's life and it's a good thing smile

Brokenbiscuit Mon 16-Jan-17 07:28:03

I agree, she is projecting.

Life does go fast with young children, but you don't have to spend every waking minute with them - it's more about fully being in the moment when you are with them.

In fact, spending every moment of the day with your kids without a proper break could be quite damaging to your mental health if you're not careful. It could also be quite suffocating for your DC as they get older.

Give yourself permission to be apart from them sometimes. You'll actually enjoy them more if you do.

monkeymamma Mon 16-Jan-17 07:48:29

Time passing and children growing up too fast is one of the hardest and most bittersweet parts of parenting. I can't say anything that will stop you from sometimes randomly bursting into tears in the middle of the night at just how lovely and how brief the whole thing is. HOWEVER I have two things to say that might help.
The first is that working, going out with friends, doing something without them/a bit of time apart actually gives you chance to stand back and appreciate/ really 'see' the loveliness of your children and your life. Spending every minute with them can actually mean you're so tired and worn down that you are in danger of missing out on how special it is. So work 3 days a week will likely work out well and the short absence each day is really balanced out by lovely reunion cuddles when you see them in the evening.
The second thing is a bit heavy going. One of my friends has a little boy with a long term illness that means it's unlikely he will live into adulthood. He's gorgeous, a real little sunshine. It's heartbreaking to even think about how his parents must feel. But every time I catch myself silently singing 'slipping through my fingers' from Mamma Mia and lamenting that my eldest is now nearly as big as me, I pull myself up pretty sharpish and remind myself that some kids don't get to grow up. And that we should celebrate te growing up, not wail and gnash our teeth!
Your MIL is probably missing her she being tiny. If she is kind and lovely otherwise then cut her some slack. Say I bet it feels like five minutes since dh was this size and then prompt a happy or funny memory. It might really help her to know that you've understood how she feels. And who knows, she might even stop doing it!

monkeymamma Mon 16-Jan-17 07:49:44

Your DH being tiny, that should say 😄

cherrycrumblecustard Mon 16-Jan-17 07:51:30

It's more likely,your MIL is getting herself aware of time passing because she's getting older. Time doesn't go any slower when you're never away from them!

waterrat Mon 16-Jan-17 08:10:02

If it helps Op I enjoy my time with my children more now thst I work. It's more relaxed less stressful and I appreciate it more. Time goes quicker the more you worry about it. Live in the moment enjoy all aspects of life and I would specifically ask your MIL to stop saying that.

My own MIL who I also like v much says 'you do remember to enjoy them don't uou?' Which seems a bit annoying to me but older people just know how wr cab miss enjoying life by focusing on the negative.

aliceinwanderland Mon 16-Jan-17 08:17:22

As your kids get older there are still wonderful times to be had with them. Just different. As they get to school age it'd great seeing them learning new stuff and you can have great days out. We like to go to country parks and make dens and do adventure trails. It can be more enjoyable sometimes because you are not so sleep deprived!

twinklefoot Mon 16-Jan-17 09:34:06

I think it's a standard phrase people throw in every so often. Your MIL is not neurotic! You will find many people tell you this - it's like saying 'count your blessing' etc etcsmile

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Mon 16-Jan-17 09:41:05

As much as the baby/toddler years do pass quickly, some days will also feel like they are 100 years long.

IMHO, you need some time away from your DCs - whether that's work or a hobby or just a coffee with a friend. Having a break of whatever sort helps you appreciate and enjoy the time you do spend with the DCs more. It can feel like a bit of an endless slog otherwise, no matter how much you love your children!

raisin Mon 16-Jan-17 10:06:58

Well, if it helps, Now, I spent a lot of time with my children (SAHM) and I wish I'd gone back to work part time.
From my perspective, I think you'll have the best of both worlds.

It might help you to think of a few things to say when mil says 'time passes so quickly' -

as Santa says above - 'yes mil's name, and sometimes a day feels like 100 years'
or 'can't be helped mil's name, cup of tea?'
or 'yes, isn't it great, they're learning so much now.' Insert new thing one of them's learnt to do.

BurningBridges Mon 16-Jan-17 10:14:32

The bit where I had 2 under fives in nappies lasted 20 years. The rest was about 5 minutes. All of it was amazing, if only I could remember every day.
Just tell the family member, yes, you are very much aware of that no need to keep on.

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