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AIBU?

Going away without kids.

19 replies

deblet · 15/01/2017 15:21

My dh says I am being unreasonable what do you think? We have three dc they will be 25, nearly 15 and 13 this sept. My 2 lads have high functioning asd but are very settled at the moment. My dh is 56 and has a heart condition that killed our eldest son 2 and a half years ago. 18 months after he died and we had been through the trauma of my other sons being diagnosed with the same gene I took my dh away on a cruise with my sister and brother in law. He needed some time away to cope with things but it was meant to be a one off treat. He wants to go again this year he says he may not have much time left and wants to do things the dc don't want to do before he dies. My mother says I am a bad mum for leaving them she never went away and left us before we were 18. I have a responsible person looking after them. I feel torn about leaving them again. We are going away as a family as well this year. wwyd?

OP posts:

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OneLongDay · 15/01/2017 15:26

Go and enjoy it!!

Crumbs1 · 15/01/2017 15:28

For goodness sake they are not babies. Your mother is being unreasonable and unkind. Marriages are enhanced by time without children. Go with no guilt, no looking back and start getting excited about the time ahead.

bakingaddict · 15/01/2017 15:28

I've been away twice now for a long weekend without mine 5 & 9. They have s great time with grandparents and me and DH get to recharge our relationship. Don't listen to your mum that generation probably didn't do holidays without kids because in ordinary families there simply wasn't the money even for family holidays. Now people have more disposable income so it's quite normal so as long as you have someone looking after them I don't see the problem

PurpleDaisies · 15/01/2017 15:30

I was expecting the children to be under five.

Go and enjoy it!

AutoFillContact65 · 15/01/2017 15:31

Go and enjoy. Don't be guilted out of living your life. Have fun!

Sorry for the loss of your son.

Aspiringcatlady · 15/01/2017 15:31

Do it! My parents used to have holidays away when we were young and I think they deserved it. We used to love having time with our grandmother keeping an eye on us!

Chasingsquirrels · 15/01/2017 15:32

I thought they were going to be babies!
Go, enjoy!
Your DH is right, you don't know what's round the corner and life can be short.

deblet · 15/01/2017 15:33

Ok thanks. I currently feel that my guilt chip is about to explode whichever way I go

OP posts:

GloriousGusset · 15/01/2017 15:34

Your mother sounds barking. OP you've been through so much, go and enjoy yourselves!

AllTheLight · 15/01/2017 15:34

Do you want to go without them (guilt aside) or would you prefer time spent as a family? You've told us what your DH and your mum want but not what you want!

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 15/01/2017 15:37

Definitely do it. DH and I regularly go away on our own. DS has stayed at his grandparents' house, with his auntie or big brother but now he is 16 the wise mums of mumsnet have convinced me he's old enough to be in the house alone! Would never have visited Paris, Vienna or Berlin without going away on our own. DS comes on main holidays and occasional weekends away but is a bit of a third wheel!

deblet · 15/01/2017 15:44

I do want to go. We have a very stressful busy life and we don't see much of each other. It just feels indulgent. And I have issues with my mums opinions I am seeing a counsellor at the moment for that and other things. She thinks as the boys are autistic I should resign myself to the fact we will not do what other couples do as they will be at home forever and that's my lot in life. None of the dc mind btw.

OP posts:

GloriousGusset · 15/01/2017 15:46

'It just feels indulgent.'

You need to let go of the idea that something that feels indulgent must be inherently bad. Your mother's ideas are outdated. Both you and your husband want to go, your kids want you to go. Seems sorted to me!

AutoFillContact65 · 15/01/2017 15:46

Then go you must!

The only person here who is the problem is your mother.

And clearly she sees life as something to be endured rather than lived and enjoyed.

Go and live it up!

backaftera2yearbreak · 15/01/2017 15:49

I go away without my son every year. Have done since he was about 1. I feel no guilt and explain myself to nobody. Go and have a great time

deblet · 15/01/2017 15:52

Thank you everyone. I will tell him to book it. Since my dh mentioned he wants to do it I have had from mum , what if the plane crashes, what if my other son has a heart attack while I have abandoned him to have a good time and I am spending money I need for my pension. Also I will be away for her birthday (first time since I was born 50 years!) which is selfish. You have given me a bit of strength.

OP posts:

TheDowagerDuchessofDenver · 15/01/2017 15:53

None of the dc mind

Then who cares what your mum thinks? Go. Enjoy it. You'll be better parents if you're happier parents.

GloriousGusset · 15/01/2017 15:55

Oh OP she sounds utterly excruciating. The counselling sounds like a positive step.

flumpybear · 15/01/2017 15:57

Do it!!!!!! I'm going to Cape Verde with my very best friend in the world in July, two years ago we went to Crete .... we have family holidays too - Everyone should have more time off to enjoy life - it's not loads of time just a bit

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