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AIBU?

AIBU thinking I don't see my boyfriend enough?

43 replies

Tinkerbec · 15/01/2017 12:51

I have been seeing my boyfriend for over two years. We are in our thirties.

He lives with his mum and me with my parents and my daughter.

He stays over Thursday nights and Sundays from about 6pm and I stay at his Friday nights while my parents take my daughter to a church club.

We are saving to buy a housr and may have enough by next Christmas.

I wake up Saturday morning and I am home usually between 9-10 for my daughter. Sometimes on the Saturday she sees her Dad. She hasn't in two weeks as he is working ( but that's another story).

So I spend all day Saturday without oh and all day Sunday until 6pm. I usually do work on Sunday for my job for several hours.

Now he is really into gaming and uses this to relax. His argument is that if he hangs out at mine there is nothing to do. His pc is not at mine etc. Plus hanging out with either parents constantly is a bit rubbish.

We could take my daughter out but she is usually at her Dads for a few hours.

Am I unreasonable to feel lonely all weekend. I am prepared to accept if I am. I just get a bit sad seeing all these couples on facebook doing stuff together. ( I know I know)

In order to not drip feed. We lives 15 minutes drive apart.
We also work together. So drive in and out together and maybe see each other for 20 minutes at lunch and maybe another 30 minutes in work time though thats with other people.

Am I being silly?

OP posts:

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CanarySong · 15/01/2017 12:53

Don't you have any friends?

You see him Thursday, Friday and Sunday night. That's loads when you don't even live together and you both live with your parents.

Tinkerbec · 15/01/2017 12:55

Oh yes I have loads of friends. See them once a month on a Saturday night or Tuesday night with the kids.

OP posts:

user1484317265 · 15/01/2017 12:57

He's your boyfriend, not your partner. He's got a point about hanging out with your or his parents, who does that in their 30's?
Why don't either or both of you move on, get your own place? you live like teenagers, you are dating like teenagers do.
It's all a bit weird. That said, its not unreasonable to want more, it is unreasonable to expect that to just happen. And he isn't unreasonable if he doesn't want the same as you.

Tinkerbec · 15/01/2017 13:00

I think that's what gets to me we are living like students and at my grand old age. I want to move forward.

It is just better to buy than rent but that will take another year of this.

It's not like we literally hang out with parents. I suppose. We are in different rooms but they are still in the house sharing the kitchen, bathroom etc.

OP posts:

Tinkerbec · 15/01/2017 13:01

Plus I want him to be my partner as does he. Its just money.

OP posts:

llangennith · 15/01/2017 13:13

Why don't you go out together during the daytime at weekends? If he's addicted to gaming then don't kid yourself he's going to change if you live together.

NapQueen · 15/01/2017 13:15

I think you really ought to have a go at living together before you get a mortgage together.

Tinkerbec · 15/01/2017 13:17

The mortgage will be in my name only.

OP posts:

cheesydoesit · 15/01/2017 13:19

I agree with Napqueen. I know financially it might seem a waste but it would be a lot less commitment and less complication should it need to be undone.

cheesydoesit · 15/01/2017 13:20

Cross post! Good idea.

OneWithTheForce · 15/01/2017 13:21

That sounds like quite a lot of contact to me but I tend to not be needy like my space. You spend 3 nights a week with him. You drive to and from work together, you eat lunch together at work, and see each other during the work day. I'd be glad of a break from each other TBH.

BendingSpoons · 15/01/2017 13:22

It sounds like he is prioritising his gaming over you. Does he need to relax/game all Sat and Sun? I would have thought he could go out somewhere with you too.

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 15/01/2017 13:22

well he has it made,

living at his parents, with his fancy gaming computer, evenings with you when it suits him, AND you are going to buy a house and move him in?

OurBlanche · 15/01/2017 13:23

Stop and think about his idea of relaxing. In your home will he be gaming? Or will he just stop spending his down time dong that when he becomes your live in partner?

A man in his thirties who uses gaming as an excuse not to have a better relationship is always going to be more 'single student' than adult, surely?

Crispbutty · 15/01/2017 13:23

You should still live together in a rented place first.

NapQueen · 15/01/2017 13:24

But you say "we are saving to buy a house" - so will he be involved financially or have any say in which house etc?

Yamadori · 15/01/2017 13:29

When you are eventually living together, you might still be lonely. Will he be gaming for hours at a time and not spending time with you?

Oatsandraisens · 15/01/2017 13:29

My concern would be the 'gaming' and claiming he's bored at yours. That sounds more like a stroppy teenager.

BingoBingoBingoBango · 15/01/2017 13:30

You realise he's just going to sit and game when you live together don't you.

MuttsNutts · 15/01/2017 13:31

YANBU to want to see him more but it's obviously enough for him (which is not unreasonable of him) so I really wouldn't commit to him before a trial period of living together to see if you are truly compatible. You said the mortgage is in your name only so at least if he sits gaming all day in preference to doing stuff with you, you can ask him to leave yes?

Sorry to sound so negative but if he isn't anxious to spend more of his free time with you at this stage, he probably never will, whether you live together or not.

Trills · 15/01/2017 13:35

Does he spend any time with your daughter?

Do you imagine that when you live together he will do half of the household jobs (I bet he doesn't do many with his parents) and take on an active co-parenting role?

Tinkerbec · 15/01/2017 13:42

It will be in my name due to credit scoring thats all. We share money as it is really. So it will just be the same.

He spends time with my daughter in the week and Sundays.

I know he will game if we live together I don't mind. I can exercise, do my work , play with dd etc.

He would be the one that cooks as I he likes it. I don't really.

I just worry its all weekend thats all.

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ilovesooty · 15/01/2017 13:45

You see quite a lot of each other as it is but it doesn't sound like a relationship where both parties are wanting to make any commitment.

Beebeeeight · 15/01/2017 13:53

He's a total man child!

How can this be appealing to you?

Prioritises gaming
Lives with parents
Poor credit score

He's hardly a catch!

What makes your self esteem so low that this is all you expect from a relationship?

Sunnyshores · 15/01/2017 13:55

Sorry to be harsh - but it sounds as if you spend alot of time (hours) together, but not as if you'e really building a life and memories together.

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