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To find it hard to deal with these feelings of jealousy?

(21 Posts)
Gonegirls Sun 15-Jan-17 01:24:24

Girl at work who I often spend time with is very attractive. I'm fairly so but she is something else - perfect figure, perfect skin etc etc. She wears skin-tight clothing into work (fair enough) and naturally attracts a lot of attention in our all-male, buttoned-up workplace.

We went for drinks recently and she got her round free from the barman. For context, I've been given peoples numbers before when out with her so do have my share of attention too. We're both single though and for various reasons I'm not in a great place re my looks/single status, so sometimes find it all a bit hard to take in!

At our workplace a much more junior colleague constantly flirts with her, is very touchy and a bit inappropriate - but I think she semi courts the attention. The displays are often in front of me and I find it all quite hard to deal with sometimes. Any advice?

GimmeeMoore Sun 15-Jan-17 01:43:35

What advice do you want?do you have feelings for this girl is that why you feel jealous?
Is there a work policy re relationship in workplace?
Are you female?

Gonegirls Sun 15-Jan-17 01:47:26

Sorry no - I'm female too, yeah. Jealous as I'm jealous of the attention and the way she thrives on it I guess!

Mindtrope Sun 15-Jan-17 01:54:28

Ungrip. Don't let it matter. Physical attraction is notable, but not the most important thing in life. If people are distracted by this woman then it gives you plenty manoeuvre room to tweak other situations in your workplace.

GimmeeMoore Sun 15-Jan-17 01:55:22

Well,that's a big leap.looking at it why shouldn't she thrive on it?shes single.you too
Let's be clear she can thrive on attn much as she wants.shes doing nowt wrong in that
If the basis of this is you have feelings fir her,well you need to figure will you tell her?

Gonegirls Sun 15-Jan-17 01:58:45

I guess, perhaps unfairly, that I'm jealous because I feel a bit outshone by her - I get/have got my own fair share of attention but she gets more and it's difficult to not compare sometimes!

GimmeeMoore Sun 15-Jan-17 02:05:17

Ok,so you know what let her do her thing,be who she is,you do your thing
Her attractiveness doesn't detract from you.dont let this become a thing
If you've got your own stuff to addressed looks,self esteem.do that without dragging her in
This lassie has done nothing wrong,neither have you.we all naturally compare ourselves to others

Mindtrope Sun 15-Jan-17 02:05:18

Gonegirls you are making the mistake of judging everyone (including yourself ) by looks. Life isn't like this.
The way you think or what you say is far more important. enjoy life in the shadows, it's far more interesting.

TheDowagerCuntess Sun 15-Jan-17 02:09:13

So this is a work colleague? Chances are she's only in your life for a short space of time, so I'd just enjoy her friendship while the two of you at hanging out, and focus on the fact that you have fun together. I'm assuming you have fun together, otherwise you wouldn't be hanging around together.

In another year or two you'll have different friends. You may well outshine one or two of them - and I can't guarantee you will be absolutely obvious to the fact, and certainly won't be putting yourself in competition for men's attention with them. Just as this girl isn't.

Swings and roundabouts. That's life.

TheDowagerCuntess Sun 15-Jan-17 02:09:56

*oblivious to the fact.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed Sun 15-Jan-17 02:10:29

Keep telling yourself to get over yourself

I was like you I had learnt it from my mother hmm then I realised how utterly self absorbed I was it really was a revelation. Yes I got lots of attention but I'm intelligent and funny and kind too and once I got over myself (and people can see through this) i was happier and I think more likeable

GimmeeMoore Sun 15-Jan-17 02:11:08

looks are part of a complex system which we,society judge ourselves and others
One only has to watch weight loss, make me younger shows.looks are commodity
However looks not complete picture,intellect,social skills matter too
reflect on what makes you interesting Instead of envy about her looks or whatever

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 15-Jan-17 02:39:15

It's interesting, isn't it? I had a stunning friend for a while. She used to get stopped in the street and offered modelling contracts. But she used to try to get anything she wanted with her looks. I had friends and contacts so I used to get into gigs free, she used to swoosh her hair around to get the same. She was insecure and jealous and sad a lot.

The worst thing was that she was really clever, and very funny when she was away from men. With them she just acted as they saw her; a pretty dim-wit. It was awful.

Are you clever and funny? Because that's the great bit. And the good thing is that it just gets better. With very little maintenance.

GimmeeMoore Sun 15-Jan-17 02:56:35

In fairness we cannot assume this other lassie is vacuous because she's pretty
Op needs to concentrate on herself,not the behaviour of her work colleague
In fact the other lassie is incidental.in fact this is about the op,how she feel about herself

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 15-Jan-17 04:27:56

I don't think people are saying that the other woman's intelligence, humour or kindness are the point, but that the OPs are. OP knows the great stuff inside her. The other woman's prettiness doesn't tell us anything about her character.

And I said the exact opposite. That my friend WAS intelligent and funny. But she sold herself short because of the way that society treats pretty women.

misshelena Sun 15-Jan-17 04:48:26

OP - think of it this way, no matter how beautiful (smart, funny, wealthy, successful, all of the above, etc) you are, there will always be someone who is more beautiful (etc.) Instead of thinking about how you are outshone by your friend, think about all the girls who are less pretty (etc.), who are outshone by you.
You could have gotten a lot less, instead you go what you got. Appreciate what you have. Because it could have been worse. A lot worse.

daisychain01 Sun 15-Jan-17 05:23:32

Focus on your self-esteem, so other people's actions, looks etc matter not a shines shit much less.

Otherwise you'll increasingly become a seething boil of resentment.

daisychain01 Sun 15-Jan-17 05:24:07

or even a shiny shit

Honaluuhuu Sun 15-Jan-17 06:24:42

Definitely been there OP, I'm fairly attractive too but there have been a few times in my when I've been around really beautiful women and it is very hard to not be the best looking one anymore. My gran always told me she was glad she was never beautiful as it was painful to her friends who were as they got older and stopped being recognised as beautiful and they stopped getting attention for their looks. Look you both have the same ultimate goal, right? - to find someone to love who loves you back and finds you beautiful? Don't concentrate on quantity, it's quality that matters. You will get there, don't worry.. and it won't matter about that woman anymore

Henrysmycat Sun 15-Jan-17 07:34:20

Look, I grew up with a gorgeous Barbie for best friend. Not generic wag pretty but truly beautifully blessed in looks and in kindness, intelligence and humour. Even though, I am fairly good-looking myself, I'm a brunette raised in a predominantly dark hair country and I was considered boring looking. I carved my own niche. People approached for me. What I found out is that confidence is a must and you have to know your strengths and be sure of them. Not everyone likes the same things or looks. People used to be attracted to her but many gravitated towards me when we spoke or spend some time with us. Later in teenage years I moved to a Nordic country and then London and my boring looks were not boring any more. I got compared to Rachel Weisz many times tho I am shorter.
Funnily now, I'm good friends with a former Bond babe that turns every single head in her 40's but it's ok, I have other qualities. People like me for my strength, comedic timing, making people feel at ease etc. And the Barbie of my childhood? We are still best friends and she's godmother to my kid.

Mindtrope Sun 15-Jan-17 08:03:34

* it is very hard to not be the best looking one anymore*

Poor you.

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