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To not go tomorrow because I can't face SIL

(92 Posts)
FuckMeThundersnow Sat 14-Jan-17 21:10:38

We have a family event tomorrow - nephew's second birthday. I honestly just can't face it. I'm thinking of lying and saying I'm sick.

I get on well with DH's family, but I'm not hugely keen on SIL. She means well, but I find her very hard work. She is a loud, bolshy woman and we are just chalk and cheese. She constantly shouts - when ever a child comes near her, she'll get right into their face and shout WELL HOW IS MY FAVOURITE BOY WHERE'S MY HUG etc. Unsurprisingly a lot of children find this too much, and will back away, but this makes her shout all the more. She does the same with adults too- just shouts, doesn't wait for an answer but continues shouting over you. I'm quite quiet and introverted, so I find this hard enough to deal with at times, but it's one of those things.

The problem is this. DH and I are going through fertility difficulties. His family don't know, mainly because I cannot bear the thought of SIL yelling about my uterus at family events, and I can guarantee she will.

The last event was my other nephew's christening, so DH family and BIL family, who I know vaguely. SIL had been pestering and pestering for a few months about me being pregnant, every time I'd have a glass of wine she'd been asking if I was sure I should be having that, claiming I was picking at my food due to pregnancy, made jokes about putting a bet on that DH and I would have a baby soon. It was relentless. Anyway, this all came to a head at the christening, when she informed other SIL that she was going to "drag the information out of me".

Her way of doing this was to greet BIL's family and to tell them I was pregnant. So there I was eating sausage rolls with random people coming up and offering me congratulations. You can imagine how I felt. Sil treated it all as a big joke, and shouted about how she was TELLING US TO GET A MOVE ON

DH ended up telling her that we weren't planning on having children any time soon and she needed to stop. He thought we should tell her about the infertility, but can you IMAGINE? It would give her a whole new thing to go on about

I think I know the reason why she is so obsessed with our potential pregnancy. She has two boys, but was openly desperate for a girl. DH is the youngest of his family by a good bit, and they have all completed their families - there are no granddaughters. When sil was pregnant with her second boy, she told fil that she'd be the one to give him a granddaughter at last, and when she found out she was having another boy she totally disconnected from the pregnancy. She was vile to other SIL during her pregnancies, until she knew they were boys too. She is the only girl in the family, and there are no close female relatives. My family on the other hand, is fairly girl -heavy. I'm pretty sure that she is obsessing about me getting pregnant because she thinks it will be with the longed for granddaughter. Quite frankly right now I wouldn't care if I gave birth to a four eyed swamp frog.

Anyway, I really don't want to go tomorrow. I've had a shit week and our failure at TTC is feeling very raw. I can't bear the thought of having to sit and listen to her nonsense. I don't really want to give up my precious Sunday to coo at other people's children while being constantly "joked" with about my own lack. I feel bad because the rest of them family are lovely, and I don't want to start detaching myself due to sil /TTC. But tomorrow I just can't

ImperialBlether Sat 14-Jan-17 21:12:22

I wouldn't dream of going! She sounds insane.

Sparklingbrook Sat 14-Jan-17 21:13:00

I would be having a stomach upset tomorrow if I were you. Your DH can pop in with the present.

GrannyGoggles Sat 14-Jan-17 21:13:32

Don't go

ThePinkOcelot Sat 14-Jan-17 21:14:29

Throw a sickie tomorrow. She sounds like a nightmare!!

Gardencentregroupie Sat 14-Jan-17 21:16:47

You're looking dreadfully peaky OP. Lot of bugs going round, wouldn't want to pass anything on to the birthday boy. Terrible shame.

Your SIL and mine should get in a room together and have a dickhead contest.

FuckMeThundersnow Sat 14-Jan-17 21:17:24

She has a good side. She can be generous and will always offer to help people out. But this pregnancy thing, I can just feel the stress and anger building in me at every family event because of it.

Bunniesncats Sat 14-Jan-17 21:17:25

Don't go she sounds bonkers. I would begin off sick if I had to face someone like this so no you are not being unreasonable. flowers

wobblywonderwoman Sat 14-Jan-17 21:17:32

Don't go... Have a day to be kind to yourself.

eosmum Sat 14-Jan-17 21:17:40

I wouldn't go, but if you feign illness you know she will turn it into morning sickness and give her more to talk about.

Lordamighty Sat 14-Jan-17 21:18:55

Noro virus.

Nocabbageinmyeye Sat 14-Jan-17 21:19:10

Nope not a hope I would go, she sounds painful! Get your dh to go and do something nice just you BUT be prepared because once you say you are ill she sounds like the type that will assume you are pregnant anyway, but at least you won't be around to listen to her

FuckMeThundersnow Sat 14-Jan-17 21:19:30

Eosmum that did cross my mind! She could be even worse next time if she thinks that.

I think I'll have a sore throat and temperature tomorrow. DH had it last week, so it's clearly be incubating all this time and couldn't possibly be pregnancy related

fluffygreenmonsterhoody Sat 14-Jan-17 21:19:47

I have a similar situation. Completely empathise.

Don't use poorly tummy as an excuse tho - your DH would have to tell everyone you have the shits cos if he says you've been sick she'll start on about morning sickness.

Shame you have flu tho, and wouldn't want to share it with them, especially with kids present...

EatSpamAmandaLamb Sat 14-Jan-17 21:20:01

Christ, do not go. Stress like that is the last thing you need. She sounds unstable. I would be keeping her at arms length forever.

fluffygreenmonsterhoody Sat 14-Jan-17 21:20:51

Cross post. Good plan. Be kind to yourself and enjoy your day.

MotherKat Sat 14-Jan-17 21:21:05

I think I'd call off with terrible earache if I were you OP, at least from a certain angle it's true x

CripsSandwiches Sat 14-Jan-17 21:22:11

I was all ready to tell you to suck it up and go but jesus bloody christ just stay at home. Send DH with some excuse and put your feet up and binge watch your favourite show. You won't regret it.

mrsBeverleygoldberg Sat 14-Jan-17 21:22:22

I would have a 'migraine' or 'upset tummy' . No way would I inflict that dreadful woman on myself. She has no idea of boundaries. Have you thought of getting some counselling to help you deal with your fertility problems? I feel you are very sad at the moment and wonder if it would help. I'm a great believer in therapy.

FuckMeThundersnow Sat 14-Jan-17 21:22:25

Sorry to hear that fluffy. It's horrid isn't it? I'm sure people don't do it to be hurtful, but oh good fuck, it's just lovely to have people congratulating you on your pregnancy when so far you've not managed to get past two days of a BFP due to chemical pregnancies.

EatSpamAmandaLamb Sat 14-Jan-17 21:22:30

Ear infection is the way to go.

BlueberryGateaux Sat 14-Jan-17 21:22:52

Don't blame you one bit, sore throat and temp it is.

PurpleDaisies Sat 14-Jan-17 21:23:38

She sounds awful. I would try not to waste any emotional energy trying to work out why she's like she is. Disengage with her as much as possible.

Any time she asks you about anything pregnancy related or makes those sorts of comments tell her to stop. If she doesn't stop, walk away from her. Either she'll get the message or you won't we spending much time with her any more.

FuckMeThundersnow Sat 14-Jan-17 21:23:50

Ears are starting to feel a bit funny, now you mention it. Big toe is sore too

ApproachingATunnel Sat 14-Jan-17 21:23:56

Don't go but be prepared to hear about your 'pregnancy sickness' as im sure she'll come up with that.
She sounds unhinged!

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