To think communication is a 2-way street and I shouldn't apologise?(11 Posts)
I'm pregnant with DC2, now passed my due date. I've been in latent labour for about 6 days - which has pretty much consisted of me having pains every 10-15 minutes for half the day and then they suddenly stop for the other half. Very annoying and exhausting especially as we have a 3yo. DH is self employed and has been brilliant with re-shuffling his workload so I can rest (meaning he's worked into the night most days this week). We've been nowhere and told no one this is happening.
Anyway, this is relevant to my issue. I have a very difficult relationship with my mum. She lives abroad and is very judgemental, critical and passive aggressive. There's a huge history to our relationship that I won't bore you with, but generally we do not get on and I come away from every conversation upset and frustrated. I'm working through these issues with a bit of self-help.
My mum has a 'thing' that I don't call her enough (never sets this expectation of my brothers) but we FaceTime usually once a week on my day off. Last time we spoke she appeared to be in a mood with me. Apparently she had a dream that I'd had my baby and didn't tell her for 4 days. She followed this up with "well it really wouldn't surprise me as you rarely speak to me" 🙄 I duly ignored.
Anyway I haven't spoken to her in almost 2 weeks, didn't manage to dial this week's call due to my pains, TBH it was the last thing on my mind. And we didn't tell anyone about the latent labour so as not to panic anybody or set the expectation that baby is coming soon. She has never called me either. I've had an email tonight from her saying how upset she is that my due date has been and gone and I haven't even been in touch to tell her if the baby is here or not. That I don't call her enough, she feels very alone (she is married and in mid-50s BTW with a great social life) and she only hopes my DD isn't this cold with me when I am her age.
AIBU to think that she could have called her heavily pregnant daughter if she wanted to know how she is near her due date? And WIBU to simply reply "you haven't called me either". I get sick of having to justify why I don't ring her constantly, she sees her friend's daughters (who don't have children and have parents who aren't a massive PITA) call their mums every day and doesn't understand why me and her can't be like that
She is the'adult' in your relationship. Just email to ask if she has lost your number as you haven't received a call. Tell her that your due date has come and gone and she hasn't bothered to call to find out if her new grandchild has arrived!
Your 'd'm sounds like a right piece of work.
I would email back and say that you are wondering why she hasn't co ya yes her heavily pregnant daughter who has now gone past due date.
Honestly why do you bother with her?
My MIL is like this. I was in the room with DH a few days back and he was on the phone, having not been in touch for longer than the 'allowed time'.
I heard the words "Phones work in both directions." He sounded very irritated. I think it silenced her for the first time ever.
I wanted to cheer. It's taken him years.
Oh and good luck with everything. I had similar contractions with my first. It's exhausting. Hope it all goes well.
YANBU. Its all about her from the sounds of it.
Have you had loads of tips on how to start labour?
Remember your mother when your daughter is pregnant... Do. ot let history repeat itself.
Loving Peppapig's reply.
There's a line in a Bruce Willis film where his mum rings and asks: 'You got broken fingers, you can't dial my number?' Makes me smile.
My DM is similar, I get the PA comments. I think it's pretty outrageous that she is complaining to you!
Hope the baby appears soon.
I rang her today and said communication is a 2 way thing and I didn't appreciate the email at all. I also said that, she is the one who doesn't work or have small children and has bags more free time than me so I'm not sure why the onus is always on me to start communication.
Lots of PA tutting and moaning came from her but at least I said my piece. I told her I'd been in latent labour all week. She then said she hoped I have sent her birthday present (her birthday is in 3 weeks) and card. When I said I hadn't even bought it and hadn't left the house she said she'll be really disappointed if i don't send her anything especially as I got a lovely Christmas present and she got nothing from me - background: we agreed not to do presents at Christmas and she surprised me with a flower in a pot thingy delivered on xmas eve. I knew she would bring it up one day as "I bought for you but you never bought for me"
Funnily enough on the brink of giving birth a birthday nearly a month away isn't exactly on my priority list. Especially as our baby has liver problems and will be referred immediately to paediatrics when he or she is born. We don't know the extent of the problem and won't until it's born, so it could be nothing or it could be weeks in hospital. Mum knows this but I guarantee she'll be chasing me about sending her birthday card whatever the outcome 🙄
Trust me I'd love to go NC, I am working on the courage to do it but it's easier said than done.
Anyway I went to hospital earlier to get checked over and I'm 2cm dilated - hooray! Was fully expecting them to say I was nowhere near ready and I feel better knowing something is sort of happening. So just sitting waiting now for things to progress. Fingers crossed!!
Forget your mum and concentrate on your baby and family. That's your priority right now. Can your dh fire off regular texts or emails to keep her happy?
Good luck with the birth and I hope your baby's problem isn't too bad
I am in my mid 50s and still get this from my Mum in her 70s (she and my Dad live a very active life (golf/bowling/freinds/mealsout) in the US> I do sometimes remind her that the phone line can be worked from both ends!
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