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Is it normal to not know much about the family's financial situation as a whole?

(99 Posts)
scaredoffallout Sat 14-Jan-17 16:58:14

So there's a mortgage and an overdraft - I am not sure how big they are but I have an idea. There's H's credit card bill (connected to his business) which he does sometimes tell me about, but not for a long time so I don't know how big that is. He is also paying off a capital gains tax bill and I am not sure how much he has left - though he has also told me about this in the past.

Other than that, I don't know. I think he may have some shares but I only suspect them rather than know for sure. He has a small annuity.

There could be loads more stuff, either negative or positive, that I don't know about.

I have my own account which H is not party to but it's small fry. He could be independent without me but the reverse is not true.

So my question is, is it in any way normal to only have an inkling about the finances but in reality not know - partly because you never see the paperwork, and partly because your H doesn't tell you?

I mainly pay for good and anything related to the dc - though have also paid for furnitire and holidays when I have been flusher.

H pays for the mortgage (only his name on that and on the deeds naturally) and all bills.

We have been together for 21 years and married for 15, and have dc. Just to set the scene.

MrsDustyBusty Sat 14-Jan-17 16:59:44

Since you're jointly liable for any bills in marriage, I really think you must be aware of your mutual financial situation.

scaredoffallout Sat 14-Jan-17 16:59:52

food not good!

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered Sat 14-Jan-17 17:00:02

No, that is not normal. Why do you not know? Has he refused to tell you or have you not asked?

ImperialBlether Sat 14-Jan-17 17:01:52

It doesn't matter if your name isn't on the deeds - you are married so it's own equally.

However, you really need to look at how your ignorance of your financial situation has come about and work out how to deal with it now. You might be worth a lot or about to become bankrupt and you have no idea at all.

Magzmarsh Sat 14-Jan-17 17:01:54

That would worry me a lot op. I've taken control of our finances because dh can't be bothered but I still make sure he knows exactly where we're at.

scaredoffallout Sat 14-Jan-17 17:02:51

He says very little. He doesn't really answer when I ask about the mortgage though has given me a rough approximation in the past. Same with the overdraft. Used to leave paperwork lying around which I could have looked at but it felt like I was spying. He is very detached and private - to the point of being secretive.

Sung Sat 14-Jan-17 17:03:04

DH does our finances and I know a fair bit about our financial position - including how much is pension pots are worth. This is mainly because he often tells me and shows me spreadsheets etc.
We have completely shared finances though.
Have you ever asked him?

Jaxhog Sat 14-Jan-17 17:03:06

I'd be really worried about this, especially not being named on the deeds of your house. Have you asked him?

sonjadog Sat 14-Jan-17 17:04:00

I would think it was very naive to have so little idea about the family finances. What if something suddenly happens and your husband can´t or won´t manage them any more - how are you going to access the funds and manage them with no idea of what they are and what to do?

AmeliaJack Sat 14-Jan-17 17:04:08

Why "naturally" only his name on the mortgage and deeds? You're his wife!

People operate their finances in different ways. We have as much as possible joint and complete transparency.

It was a condition I set down before marriage as my DH's family operate differently.

TheNaze73 Sat 14-Jan-17 17:04:13

You are not jointly liable in a marriage for his debt.

You will be subject to joint & several liability on joint debts

scaredoffallout Sat 14-Jan-17 17:04:42

You might be worth a lot or about to become bankrupt and you have no idea at all.

I think this too.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners Sat 14-Jan-17 17:08:09

I wouldn't be comfortable not being named on the deeds of the house. DH has the mortgage in his name because when we bought the house I had a crap credit rating, but he put me on the deeds and took out an ISA in joint names to pay additional money into so we can pay the mortgage off early.

EastMidsMummy Sat 14-Jan-17 17:09:22


CuppaSarah Sat 14-Jan-17 17:09:22

I just found out on Thursday my husband has racked up thousands in secret debt. He didn't have half the freedom your dh has. You need to find out whats going on.

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar Sat 14-Jan-17 17:10:02

Not normal for us either. There are parts of our finances that one our the other will take more to do with, but we both make the decisions and both know what position we're in in terms of savings, mortgage, bills etc. Id hate it to be as one sided as you describe.

Confirmyouraccount Sat 14-Jan-17 17:10:19

You are confusing his business and personal. Not sure why you would necessarily know about a business credit card and corporation tax.

H doesn't owe corporation tax- his business does- it is odd to owe this- you have to pay it within 9 months and 1 day months of year end and many people pay it as late as possible- not in installments. Is his business in financial difficulty? It could of course be the opposite and he is paying it off early.

If he pays corporation tax then he will usually own shares as he will own all or part of the business that he pays the corporation tax for. Do you have shares in this business? (tax efficient if you do)

user1484317265 Sat 14-Jan-17 17:10:58

Not remotely normal.

scaredoffallout Sat 14-Jan-17 17:13:08

"Naturally" because he doesn't want me on them and it used to be a massive bone of contention between us. I then gave up complaining about it. I am not completely legless as I "own" half a flat that a relative is living in, but H "owns" the family home (much larger than the flat), and some other properties (part of his business).

I used to ask him what would happen if he suddenly died and I didn't have a clue what to do about anything. He used to say I could get in touch with his then accountant. He no longer does any accounting for H though so confused.

I think we are on the brink of divorce - for lots of reasons, but the finances are one of them for me. Sometimes I forget how other people operate though, so I wanted to double check. You get very used to your own normal!

Confirmyouraccount Sat 14-Jan-17 17:13:15

You will be able to see all of the company accounts on companies house website if you are interested. You can also probably work out how much income he has from those.

OopsThereGoMyTrousers Sat 14-Jan-17 17:13:48

I don't know exactly but I know where all the info is as my husband does a financial statement of all our joint and individual assets, mortgage, investments, pensions etc. This is updated every six months or when anything significant changes.
So if he died tomorrow, I would know exactly where I stodd

Allthebestnamesareused Sat 14-Jan-17 17:14:39

Where does he keep all the paperwork? We have files in our spare room for all financial matters, statements, pension statements, mortgage statements, household bills etc or does he squirrel them away secretly. If so, I would be concerned.

As regards ownership of the house - you are of course protected in a divorce situation as the court could order a share to you anyway (included as a marital asset) but if he were to die he could leave it (feasibly) to anyone including the cat's home.

I know each to their own and all that but I can't fathom being in a position where you commit your life to each other but don't share financial information with each other.

scaredoffallout Sat 14-Jan-17 17:15:18

Not sure why you would necessarily know about a business credit card and corporation tax.

I take your point about the credit card, but it's not corporation tax he is paying, it's capital gains tax.

scaredoffallout Sat 14-Jan-17 17:16:05

(On a property he sold and didn't tell me about but that's another - related - story).

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