Random drop in visits

[BitchinBlack]

My FIL and I get on quite well, have very little in common but can pass the time chatting about DS's. He always calls in unannounced with some random guest or friend in tow and I seldom know the person. He calls with no notice and always seems to catch us mid breakfast, before me or the DC are dressed and the house is still in disarray. He expects me to drop all to make coffee and talk nonsense with this stray(for the want of a better word), all the while commenting that the house looks a bit disheveled and asks if my children own clothes! This infuriates me but also is embarrassing because of the random uninvited guest. So AIBU to think that his behaviour is completely unacceptable and unfair to me and my family. DH has asked him to at least give some notice before he lands in but it seems to fall on deaf ears

[ShowMePotatoSalad]

I would just say to him that breakfast time is too busy and can he call another time, when you will be happy to have a good chat with him. Tell him what times work for you.

[AVY1]

YANBU There is a difference between family used to dropping in to see each other with no worry about what state of disarray anyone may be in and bringing a stranger to your home at a time that obviously does not work for your family.

[BitchinBlack]

Thank you both! Now I don't feel like such a nut job. I think I just needed a good ol rant. Thanks for listening

[DrivingMeBonkers]

Don't let him in. Tell him you're not dressed and able to receive visitors. What time is he turning up if you are having breakfast? Sounds awfully early.

[LoupGarou]

YANBU at all, it would annoy me greatly.

I actually hate it when people do this, unfortunately our house has become something of a drop in/meeting point for our (tiny and remote) community as I stupidly used to bake fresh cookies for visitors when we first moved here as a coping mechanism (have PTSD triggers about people other than DH or DS in the house). It meant I had something to do whilst they visited and kept me calm. What a idiot I am, of course the best thing to do if you don't want random visitors is to bake fucking cookies .

Today is the anniversary of one of our daughters passing away, so I put a note on the front gate asking for no visitors, but still the bloody Minister (new to the community) decides to come and visit, worse still the rat bastard had taken my note down and let himself in (we dont lock doors here) so when I got back from walking the dog he was busy making himself a coffee in my kitchen!!!!!! Wtf?!!! . Needless to say he got booted out swiftly. I am still raging.

[LoupGarou]

Sorry about the rant on your thread, got a bit carried away

[Nocabbageinmyeye]

This would drive me nuts!! I hate unexpected guests but unexpected guests with unkown unexpected friends as guests of guests is just madness, who does shit like that?? Tell him next time he does it you won't be polite so best he doesn't embarrass himself!

LoupGarou that is rude and cheeky! I hope he got the message? Are ye living in the 50's that you don't lock your doors and people just let themselves in?? I am sorry for the kids of your dd

[ImperialBlether]

Loup, did he think that note didn't apply to him? That is incredibly rude and I hope you set him straight. I'm so sorry you lost your daughter.

[Nocabbageinmyeye]

Oh god sorry *loss of your dd autocorrected to kids

[LoupGarou]

Nocabbage and imperial, thank you, apparently he thought I might have changed my mind and wanted his sanctimonious self riteous company and it didn't occur to him that if I wanted visitors I would have taken the bloody note down. Twat. But thank you.

Nocabbage, hahaha nope but we live in the arctic and occasionally the polar bears get a bit too keen so leave doors and cars unlocked to people have easy access to safety. Unless its an e!mergency people dont just let themselves in though. Besides, our community is so tiny is would be a bit obvious who did it if crimes were committed

[glueandstick]

It sounds like he needs to be a polar bear's lunch. What a knob. Hope the day passed as well as it could have done for you.

(Svalbard by any chance?!)

Cannot abide people who don't tell you they are dropping in. I get so panicky when people visit and unexpected visits are the worst!

[LoupGarou]

Glue - thank you. The amount of rage I was feeling he was more likely to be my lunch, or the dog's, she hates visitors and gave me a "are you seeing what I'm seeing?!" look . No, but we did used to live there (mine and DH's careers revolve around inhospitable places). We live in North America now.

[BonnyScotland]

Very Weird....

[BitchinBlack]

Drivingmebonkers it's usually a weekend day around 8.30 to 9 am. It is so annoying. He comes on around the back of my house and in the door with no knocking. He doesn't even give me my place to open the door or ignore it. Loup I am so sorry for your loss, no mother should have to experience such pain and as for your rant on my thread, it was well justified and I'm glad you did it. He has some cheek coming in and making himself at home, is he mad?? Hecate I'm starting to think that nothing only a psychological examination is going to give me the answers to his curious behaviour

[DeathStare]

Next time he says something I'd just say Sorry you feel like that FIL but we have asked you several times to give us some notice before you call round as we find it as embarrassing as you, more so when you then comment on it Maybe calling him out in front of his friends might stop it?

Oh and lock the door and leave the key in it, or put a chain on the door, so he can't just let himself in

[Katy07]

Tell him that you don't appreciate him turning up invited with a guest at that time of the day, and in future when he comes (at a later hour etc.) to please use the front door. Keep the doors locked.
Failing that tell him it's not convenient while he's there in front of his "stray" and embarrass the hell out of him. It's rude behaviour.

[Doolallylally]

Yes, keep your doors locked. He has no right to wander in uninvited. Keep a list handy of reasons why it's not convenient. For example, we're just off out, shopping, swimming, to the park, etc.

[Underthemoonlight]

My auntie used to do this she would just walk in and call on us without notice. She also tends to over stay and not take hints it was time to go, one time she stood over us when we were having our dinner. I realised she is highly like got asperers . We keep the door locked now and don't answera although I think my DM had a word. She would always call in our previous house on a Sunday when dh had been at work and had sat down to watch the footie the house was a lot smaller so she could tell if we were in. Could you speak to mil?

[Slimmingsnake]

My idea of hell....that would tip me over the edge...I'm so glad mine live a good 2 hours away

[Nocabbageinmyeye]

LoupGarou the arctic exciting! Leaving your doors unlocked so people can escape bears makes it sound much more exciting 😂

BitchinBlack would your dh approach him again? Can you be prepared at weekends and lock the back door and stick up a note saying "no visitors today we are having a lie in" and just ignore the knocks?

[BitchinBlack]

Underthemoonlight MIL and FIL are separated and he remarried a woman that my DH doesn't like in our home around the kids (she is a heavy drinker) so we never see her. My home is so small and I live in my kitchen practically. If he was to be at the back door he would still see us all in there. He has no manners! DH has tried before but it would be worth another shot I think. No cabbageinmyeye I honestly think he can't see the problem. It happened today again less than an hour ago. Obviously we were all up and dressed and I'm in the middle of making a roast dinner. His FRIEND then says, FIL says you're a hairdresser, any chance of a trim. I said certainly I'll give you my card and you can call and make an appointment at your convenience. FIL speaks up, ahh I told him you could do it now. I literally laughed and said are you joking? It's a Sunday! I'm making dinner for my family so I'm obviously not working . FIL says to DH, the wife is sensitive the day isn't she!! WTF is his problem? DH asked him not to be rude to me in my own home and he replied that he was just being funny. Am I the only one who doesn't think this is funny???

[WhereYouLeftIt]

So, he comes round to the back and just walks in as if he owned the place so that he can show off this behaviour to whatever random he has in tow. He criticises you freely in front of these randoms. And he offers these randoms your services for free.

Sounds to me that he is one big fucking show-off playing The Big I Am. Best way to deal with him is to cut him down in sight and hearing of the randoms.

I would be pretty curt with him from now on. He shows up at breakfast, you tell him to leave, it's too early. Physically herd him and random to the door and close it behind them. NEVER be nice, never smile, never respond to attempts at small talk. If he objects (I'm only paying you a visit!) repeat that you don't want visitors at breakfast and can he please leave NOW.

[Katy07]

Am I the only one who doesn't think this is funny???
Surprisingly, no you're not! Wow, just wow. After that, definitely go with Where's cut him down idea.