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To think you would break up with a pedophile?

(104 Posts)
NotBanksy Sat 14-Jan-17 14:44:00

Found out recently that someone I know has been convicted for downloading child pornography. Quick Facebook search showed him still online, despite the conviction being in August. It also showed that he was still dating his current gf.
Seems that she has stayed with him through out the revelations and conviction. Even going as far to post loved up pictures with him in the pub over Christmas and the new year.
I am just horrified by the whole thing.
1. Because I have actually spent time with this monster and
2. Because her reaction feels so off to me.

So Aibu? Would you maintain a relationship with a man who was creating a collection of child porn during your relationship?

http://m.stokesentinel.co.uk/whitmore-man-viewed-indecent-images-of-children-because-of-personal-problems/story-30049551-detail/story.html

Andrewofgg Sat 14-Jan-17 14:49:38

I would want nothing more to do with either of them.

BraveDancing Sat 14-Jan-17 14:50:15

Nope. But I know people that have.

Although I've read somewhere that statistically, those people convicted of these kind of offences who are immediately ostracised by everyone they know are much more more likely to re-offend and being able to maintain some kind of support network is really important in addressing the reasons that drove that kind of behaviour and offer some hope for rehabilitation. But I don't think I could cope with being that support structure.

OutOfOffice Sat 14-Jan-17 14:53:09

YABU to call it child porn, it's child sexual abuse.

NotExactlyHappyToHelp Sat 14-Jan-17 14:53:13

YANBU. I personally couldn't look at them again.

However I know of two women who have stayed with their partners after being convicted. One for having child abuse images and one who actually physically abused children. They both staunchly maintain their partners innocence despite all evidence to the contrary.

It has coloured my opinion of these women. I actually do feel a little sorry for them both though. They are clinging to their false view so desperately.

MommaGee Sat 14-Jan-17 14:57:49

Don't understand how anyone could be intimate with someone who gets on the abuse of children.

If it was someone supporting their friend PR family member through this fair enough. If she stayed in his life to hell him as per comment above re isolation and reoffending fair enough. Don't know if o could but yeah of course it helps.

But knowing what turns them on and then being intimate with them??? Yuk

NotBanksy Sat 14-Jan-17 14:58:14

@OutOfOffice shit sorry! Can't believe I forgot, will see if I can get op changed.

Trainspotting1984 Sat 14-Jan-17 14:58:16

Ok imagine you are that woman. You are in a Relationship, with someone you presumably love. He is convicted of something awful. His name is in the papers. He's a source of local gossip and by default, so are you. How fuckimg humiliating. What do you do? Who knows. There is, I can imagine some comfort in retreating into a bubble with the only other person who knows the stress and humiliation of what you're going through. Some people need time to get distance from the eye of the storm before they can take action. I can't imagine how traumatic it must be so try not to judge

Amandahugandkisses Sat 14-Jan-17 14:59:51

People believe and see what they want to.

Soubriquet Sat 14-Jan-17 15:00:14

I recently found out a good friend of mine has been to court over sexual images of a child

I've immediately dropped the friendship and I'm disgusted by it

Shockingly enough, he still has lots of support because allegedly they are "just" teens so it doesn't really count

I've cut those people out as well. I've got no time for sex offender apologists

FelineJustFine Sat 14-Jan-17 15:01:01

YANBU. The one good thing the government has done in the last few years is to reclassify "child porn" images as Child Abuse. Anyone who searches and downloads these images is OK with watching the abuse of children.

BitchPeas Sat 14-Jan-17 15:01:38

She's probably in denial. Thinks it's all just a big misunderstanding, or a set up, or he didn't mean it, or it was a virus on his computer. Or what ever other bullshit he's told her. And she doesn't have the intellegence, critical thinking skills or self respect to see through it.

NotBanksy Sat 14-Jan-17 15:01:58

That's the interesting thing though trainspotting. He was convicted in august but it is only being reported now. People are just becoming aware of it. So as far as I'm aware she could have walked away without anyone knowing.

I know your not supposed to judge, but in this situation I find it hard not too.

Trainspotting1984 Sat 14-Jan-17 15:04:27

She knew it would though. She's probably been in denial, hoping today isn't the day her world shatters, since August.

Zafodbeeblbrox10 Sat 14-Jan-17 15:11:13

They're in denial.. Or they are sicko 's too.

MarmiteDoesYouGood Sat 14-Jan-17 15:13:03

He probably told her that it was a mistake, that he only clicked one link and then deleted it immediately, that it was only once, etc. etc.

People believe a lot of seemingly ridiculous lies when they're in love with somebody. They don't want to accept the truth.

babychamcherryb Sat 14-Jan-17 15:13:12

Sadly it's one of the reasons abusers get away with it - other people's willingness to turn a blind eye. Easier to just ignore it eh?

YouHadMeAtCake Sat 14-Jan-17 15:13:53

I just don't get it. I would NEVER speak to them again let alone maintain a relationship with them. Sickening.

NotBanksy Sat 14-Jan-17 15:14:58

Yeah but he's not being outed for a mild scandal these are category A child abuse images. angry
If she was that devastated by it and worried about it coming out, you'd think your online presence would be limited. Instead she is posting pictures with him in a pub when he says he only access the images while drunk?

Maybe she is upset by it, but she is coming across as though she doesn't care.

MetalMidget Sat 14-Jan-17 15:19:09

The horrible thing in cases like this is when it gets justified by defending lawyers or even judges.

He was at a low point in his life and stressed... so he looked at images and videos of child abuse? How is that a mitigating excuse? Developing a taste for paedophilia isn't a normal response to being stressed!

Andrewofgg Sat 14-Jan-17 15:22:12

MetalMidget Defence counsel have their jobs to do. And judges in sentencing have to distinguish the very bad from the even worse.

Minivaperviper Sat 14-Jan-17 15:24:25

I'd cut anyone dead and have done only on a rumour for a distant family member. I didn't continue to spread the rumour as that wouldn't be totally fair if I don't have the facts but word of mouth from his own dc was enough from me.

No reason to have predators in my or my dc life doesn't matter who they are.

One of my uncles was and is a known pedeophile but my parents on visiting dgm thought it perfectly acceptable to leave him in charge of my db on a trip. Big mistake but luckily nothing actually happened but when I think back he positively groomed my db the moment he set eyes on him and still when it came to light he had intentions he was protected by dm and dgm, he only got sent packing.
Makes me sick.

Purplebluebird Sat 14-Jan-17 15:29:25

There is absolutely no way I'd stick around with a paedophile person. No way.

WorraLiberty Sat 14-Jan-17 15:32:03

No-one knows what goes on behind closed doors.

For all anyone else knows, they might have viewed the images together.

itsmine Sat 14-Jan-17 15:36:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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