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AIBU?

My experience of UK men vs European men early stages of a relationship

129 replies

lottieandmia · 13/01/2017 23:14

I'm probably going to annoy some people with this post but it's just my experience and I wonder if anyone else has noticed the same.

The other day I was thinking about the fact that it is British guys usually whi seem to be the masters of dicking women around in the early stages of a relationship. They are the ones who don't know how they feel, say one thing and do another. You feel like you have to pin them down to state their feelings and they're still on Tinder/POF or whatever.

By contrast the European men were very up front about their feelings from the outset (I've found). This does NOT mean they are perfect - I've had a different set if problems with them that's all. But if they like you it's as straight forward as 'I like you, you like me - let's be together'.

For this reason I've had few relationships with UK guys, except my ex husband and even he was the same - messing me about stressing me for about 6 months. Then finally deciding he could say he really wanted to be with me.

I'm sure some people will think I'm unreasonable for a variety of reasons. Yes it's a generalisation just like Brits binge drink etc.

OP posts:

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TheNaze73 · 13/01/2017 23:37

Thanks for that.

Bit of a sweeping generalisation but, if that's how you feel, it can't be or shouldn't be argued.

TheSpottedZebra · 13/01/2017 23:38

Has wine been taken?

lottieandmia · 13/01/2017 23:42

Um no I'm doing dry January.

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Madeyemoodysmum · 13/01/2017 23:45

I think it depends on the man but like you say. Your experience. Whose better in bed? That's the question?

corythatwas · 13/01/2017 23:45

"European men"- so there is one type of European man: Swedes and Italians and Turks and Poles are all in one category and Englishmen in another???

lottieandmia · 13/01/2017 23:47

Of course it does depend on the man. And I'm not NT either so that alters my perceptions. I'm willing to be told I'm talking shite it just seems to me that the European guys I've been in relationship with / dated stated their intentions early on and clearly.

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lottieandmia · 13/01/2017 23:49

Cory I think here in the uk we are in some ways not like the rest of Europe. Generally. There are cultural differences are there not?

I think our culture is less openly patriarchal for example,

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lottieandmia · 13/01/2017 23:51

I didn't say English - my husband was Welsh.

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Lessthanaballpark · 13/01/2017 23:55

I don't disagree according to my own personal experience if that helps OP but I could be practising some confirmation bias

WorraLiberty · 13/01/2017 23:55

I'm glad you're willing to be told you're talking shite

Because guess what?...

MyWineTime · 13/01/2017 23:59

I'm fascinated by how large your sample size was for this incredible generalisation.

WorraLiberty · 13/01/2017 23:59

And WRT not knowing how you feel in the early stages of a relationship, is that not completely normal?

Unless you're using a dating site called 'Arranged Marriage.com', or 'Needy Daters R Us', surely it's ok for people to not know one way or another how they feel, during the early stages?

finnmcool · 13/01/2017 23:59

I have never been treated badly (EA) as quickly as I was by a British man.
The 'European' man that was an arse in disguise (Portuguese) is not so affectionately known as the Exorcist.
Why on earth are you making such a sweeping statement?
Oh, and you are talking shite.

corythatwas · 14/01/2017 00:00

Less openly patriarchal than Swedish or Danish society? Really?

I was not denying that there are certain cultural aspects which are common in Britain. It was your totally loony suggestion that the rest of Europe is one homogenous mass.

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 14/01/2017 00:02

snurk @ sample size

lottieandmia · 14/01/2017 00:05

It's ok up to a point Worra, of course. But not when it's messing the other person around and saying one thing / doing another.

For clarification my experience is limited to places like Italy, Greece, Spain and Eastern Europe. I have no experience of Scandinavia.

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corythatwas · 14/01/2017 00:08

What is your experience actually like if you see even those countries as one samey place? How much have you understood of the countries you have been in/the men you have dated? Even between northern and southern Italy there are massive cultural differences.

And that is before we tackle the more vital question of all countries being populated by individuals.

WorraLiberty · 14/01/2017 00:08

Mind you, I have experienced the straightforward 'I like you, you like me - let's be together' simplicity from some European men over the last month or two.

The trouble is, I'm very happily married and all I did was simply comment on a few trending news stories on Facebook.

It reminded me why I rarely check my 'other messages' folder

April229 · 14/01/2017 00:08

Wow, seems like you can't have an option on things here these days!

OP I'm inclined to agree, I think it's reasonable to say that Spainish and Italian people are more frequently more expressive when it comes to there feelings in general, I have a spainish friend who finds us brits very reserved, and that's our reputation in general I think. Where as in others countries in all manner of ways people are more expressive, less on the fence more prepared to be open about how they feel. I'm sure this translates to the way they are with people they are dating.

Yesitsmeagain · 14/01/2017 00:09

I have experience of Scandinavia. Very matter of fact about his ardour for me. Came before he could get his pants off.

corythatwas · 14/01/2017 00:10

April, you can have an opinion all right. But when that opinion betrays your complete ignorance (as in, describing "Europe" as one homogenous country), then other posters are perfectly entitled to express their opinion about that. Or can't you have an opinion on here any longer...?

melj1213 · 14/01/2017 00:11

I have lived all over Europe (Spain, Germany, Greece, Turkey and Italy) and the idea that all of those nationalities are remotely the same purely because they are all European is laughably generalistic.

Hell, when I lived in Spain the Andalucian guy I dated could not have been more different from the Catalan guy I dated, never mind any other nationality!

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PickledCauliflower · 14/01/2017 00:11

My experience with the less fairer sex is a little limited (but maybe not that limited)..
I found that they are the same all over. Some are shits and some are fine.
That's it really :)

WorraLiberty · 14/01/2017 00:11

Wow, seems like you can't have an option on things here these days!

Oh you can.

Including the option to make sweeping generalisations about people from certain countries.

Then other people get the option to say what they think about that.

lottieandmia · 14/01/2017 00:28

It's fine, I've posted on AIBU so I'm happy to hear people's responses and if they want to disagree in a robust way, fine.

I haven't ever heard a British guy say 'I'm the head of the house'. That's the kind of thing I mean (even though some might think it!)

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