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AIBU for declining this sibling invitation?

(15 Posts)
ILookAtLifeFromBothSidesNow Fri 13-Jan-17 22:42:27

Changed ID

AIBU to turn down this sibling/family invitation?

I will keep it brief. It's a difficult family background. Very dysfunctional family so relationships are not easy. I recently a text message from my sister inviting me to her 50th birthday celebration. It was one of those general messages sent to selected people in her contacts list (ie, wasn't addressed to me specifically). I was VERY surprised as I wasn't invited to any other celebrations/her wedding and do not have any contact with her.

A few minutes later I received another text from her which was definitely NOT intended for me!

So, I left it for a few minutes then sent a text asking were those 2 messages meant for me? Also said that I suspected they were not (followed by a wink).

She replied quite quickly, sorry, no they were not and said who they were intended for. That is just fine with me. I guessed it was a mistake and I wouldn't want to go anyway. I simply do not have the emotional energy to deal with my family and the drama that usually follows. So, all is well. Then around 24 hrs later she send another text saying no, the invitation text to her party was not a mistake! Huh?!?

I replied quite quickly saying sorry but I already have plans for that weekend.

Am I being unreasonable? It really did not feel like a genuine invitation at all! I know my family too well and just know there is going to be the usual round of gossip and 'fallout' from this with the truth of what transpired being distorted, as always, our family being as it is.

I guess I'm asking WWYHD?

Christmascheerful Fri 13-Jan-17 22:46:54

Sounds like she sent you the text inviting you to her party
Accidently sent you a second txt
You asked if they were meant for you she said no... she was confused meaning the second
Realised her mistake and said oh sorry sis the party invite was for you!

Why is that a big deal. Families have complex dynamics and you can only understand it from the inside but from the outside mountain and molehill come to mind

TreeTop7 Fri 13-Jan-17 22:47:49

It seems like an olive branch. The text mistake may have been fortuitous. Whether you should go or not depends on what's happened imo. But I will say that I think your sister has good intentions which should be factored into your deliberations!

ILookAtLifeFromBothSidesNow Fri 13-Jan-17 22:49:21

I specifically asked whether either of those 2 messages were meant for me. She replied no, without any hesitation.

ILookAtLifeFromBothSidesNow Fri 13-Jan-17 22:50:20

Thanks treetop

VeryBitchyRestingFace Fri 13-Jan-17 22:50:23

Do you want to have a relationship with your sister? (Forget the rest of your family for a minute). Do you think it's possible she might be trying to extend an olive branch?

If the answer to the above is 'no', then you certainly aren't being unreasonable. Your sis would have to work hard to take offence at your polite, perfectly feasible response anyway.

TheNoodlesIncident Fri 13-Jan-17 22:54:20

If you don't usually have any contact with her then I would expect both her original texts weren't intended for you, ie that she hadn't meant to invite you. Maybe later she felt she couldn't leave it with your thinking that and therefore texted you to say Yes, actually you ARE invited.

But then you know her best. So I wouldn't think you were being unreasonable at all. And if there's frequently drama, I would have done the same. Life's too short for wrangling, unless you're a cowboy.

ILookAtLifeFromBothSidesNow Fri 13-Jan-17 23:12:42

I'm sure I would have thought the text was intended as an 'olive branch's if it had been sent in different circumstances

ILookAtLifeFromBothSidesNow Fri 13-Jan-17 23:20:56

Good question VeryBitchy. Truth is I'm not sure I do and I do realise how sad that sounds. It just brings back very unpleasant memories and I truly doubt there is anything sincere about the invitation.

ILookAtLifeFromBothSidesNow Fri 13-Jan-17 23:28:48

I think you're right Noodles, she felt she couldn't leave it at that.

Plus the second text.....I knew who it WAS meant for and if I chose to let that person know what she'd said/was up to, it would make her look very bad and cause yet more family drama. Not that I have any intentions of doing so. Apologies if this all sounds a bit vague I'm just worried about outing myself.

Ginkypig Fri 13-Jan-17 23:45:27

Ok take a step back!

It doesn't matter if the txt all or some of them were a mistake.

You just need to decide if you want to go and if you can tolerate being there if you do go.

If the answer to both questions is yes then go.
If the answer is no then don't

No matter what decision you choose its yours to make so don't feel bad!

ILookAtLifeFromBothSidesNow Sat 14-Jan-17 00:35:14

You are so right Ginkypig, there will never be an ideal solution. But it doesn't feel right and I don't suppose it ever will so I will stand by my decision.

Ginkypig Sun 15-Jan-17 02:03:42

I'm glad I could help.

Going nc takes guts and it doesn't happen for no reason so if things were bad enough for that to have happened then don't let anyone drag you back unless it's somthing you want too!

ThumbWitchesAbroad Sun 15-Jan-17 02:08:09

I think your gut instinct is right here, and you've made the right decision.
I agree that the delay for the text saying no, you actually are invited suggests too much "doing it for the look of the thing" rather than actually wanting you there, if she'd really meant to send the invitation she would have said so from the off.

You've made a decision you're pretty comfortable with, and I agree with ginky - it's a simple case of do you want to go? No? Then don't. smile

ILookAtLifeFromBothSidesNow Sun 15-Jan-17 13:04:42

Thank you flowers

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