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to have expected dh to do pick up

(5 Posts)
justpeachy74 Fri 13-Jan-17 15:06:36

My dh worked from home due to the tube strike earlier this week. I went to work. We both dropped one child each at their destinations. Before I left I asked him to pick up dc7 from school and then walk her to after school activity.
Originally I had asked if I could drop the baby with him after me collecting both (as I usually do) and then I would carry on to activity with older dc. Baby is usually in meltdown mode by this time and is better off at home.
I had second thoughts because of the tube strike and thought it would be more realistic to pick one child up rather than both. Time is tight to collect them on time at the best of times. It ends up being a 45 minute round trip on foot by the time we get home.
As I was picking up the baby he called to ask if he was picking up DC1. It was raining, baby was screaming about something and I got a bit irritable saying that I thought he already was. I told him not to bother and then dropped baby with him before going to get dc1. I admit I may have been overly tetchy but to me it's a no-brainer. If the roles were switched I would've automatically volunteered to pick up at least one of the kids.
I was 'fuming' because a) he hadn't listened to the final plan properly. b) he wasn't more proactive c) I'm fed up of being the default parent.
Even when he was unemployed for a time picking up dc was still my job. He never offered. If there were problems with transport I would have to ask him to do pick up. I did bring it up with him at the time but things didn't change. I can't remember why.
I find myself 'fuming' a lot lately about various small things that he could help with but doesn't unless I ask. For example if we're both at home it would be up to me to feed the dcs, put washing away, wash up, do bedtime, bathtime etc. Unless I do it all myself or ask him to do something specifically time will just tick by. Lunch would roll into dinner time and who knows when bedtime would happen. When I do ask he complains about the 'way' I ask.
In the end I apologised for raising my voice but said that I still didn't understand why he didn't just tell me he was picking dc1 up. i.e be proactive and not wait for an invitation. AIBU?

SquinkiesRule Fri 13-Jan-17 15:35:00

I think you were at cross purposes, he wasn't sure what the final decision was after you changed the normal pick ups or like me forgot the outcome, so he called. At least he did that to make sure he got it right. I think you over reacted.

InfoFreako Fri 13-Jan-17 16:15:45

Sounds like you both need to sit down and have a chat about sharing responsibilities.

Has he always been like this or just since being married? If the former then you knew what you were letting yourself in for!


Jollyjinglest Fri 13-Jan-17 16:40:14

Even when he was unemployed for a time picking up dc was still my job. He never offered

Why didn't you tell him?

Is this a recent thing or has he always been like this? Was he like this with DC1?

Catsick36 Fri 13-Jan-17 18:16:35

We discuss the next days jobs every evening, whoever is nearest to pickups on the day does them. We more or less try to split everything. I'm sure I do more though lol.

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