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To think it must be me! I must be really annoying

(19 Posts)
Madeoneupnow Fri 13-Jan-17 11:01:48

I've got 2 young dc and go to a lot of playgroups etc as I'm a sahm I go most weeks to a couple. -
I'm the kind of person that will speak to anyone and especially at groups I don't like to see people on their own so I do make a beeline for them so they find included.
The situation is that while I meet and pick up new 'friends' quite quickly get asked on play dates (hate that term sorry!) or even bigger group meet ups I get dropped quite quickly after and not asked again 😒
Recently I was invited on a mums night out and now the rest of that clique are ignoring me.
My actual friends I've known for years have just told me not to worry it's not me but if it's happened a few times now it must be me surely?! I must be so annoying that people don't want to be around me.
It's really making me question my whole personality- I'm nice, down to earth, try and be supportive but somehow these new friendship stumble early on and the common link is me blush

BillSykesDog Fri 13-Jan-17 11:03:27

I suspect that possibly you are interpreting what's happening wrong and that the weak link is the way you perceive situations rather than you being a really annoying person.

Manumission Fri 13-Jan-17 11:03:45

I'm sure it's not.

That whole socialising on the basis is similar aged children thing is always a bit pot luck.

dollydaydream114 Fri 13-Jan-17 11:18:15

I'm sure you are lovely and it's great that you are so outgoing and are happy to chat to anyone.

However, I think it's important to remember that not everyone is like you!Some people are shy and a bit freaked out by very outgoing types, or are more comfortable with a much smaller social circle - or just find it harder to get on with people if they don't have absolutely loads of things in common, or just have a different personality to them.

It doesn't mean they don't like you - there are lots of people I meet and think are really nice, and can happily chat with them for a while - but I wouldn't necessarily want to become actual friends with them. I'm just not that sociable a person really!

That doesn't mean you've done anything wrong, and it's nice that you are so friendly - but it does mean that inevitably not every connection you make will be a lasting one.

As you say, you've already got friends that you've known for years, so clearly there is nothing wrong with you! Don't worry about it.

Madeoneupnow Fri 13-Jan-17 11:18:16

It's just happened a few times now people so keen to meet up and then nothing feels so awkward. Since it happened the first I've been really careful to not come across in the wrong way in case people took what I've said as me Bragging or being too opinionated on things if I did it anymore I'd be a complete bore, I try to keep conversation light and listen to others not overtake the talk too much.

Manumission Fri 13-Jan-17 11:20:04

It doesn't sound very relaxing TBH and you don't sound very relaxed. Maybe that's coming across?

Madeoneupnow Fri 13-Jan-17 12:54:03

Maybe you're right I think increasingly I've been trying harder so maybe that's obvious: it didn't start like

Madeoneupnow Fri 13-Jan-17 12:54:57

Like that but after the first time I was dropped I've tried harder. Obviously not the best tactic

Magzmarsh Fri 13-Jan-17 13:01:28

I think "try hard" is the key phrase here. If you're not relaxed and being your true self that will come across to the people you're trying to befriend. Over the years I've found not giving a shit has worked wonders for me, the less I care about other people's opinion of me, the more they seek my company. It's weird. Hope things get better for you op. 😊

321zerobaby Fri 13-Jan-17 13:06:07

When you are chatting and being friendly to people, do you give away to much about yourself too quickly?
Ime, a few women I know through playgroup or school who have been friendly from the start have a tendency to overshare, which can come across as a bit needy, and makes people back off.

Manumission Fri 13-Jan-17 13:08:33

It's quite an artificial kind of set up, the playgroup.

Are there quite a few around for you to try?

laurzj82 Fri 13-Jan-17 13:21:22

Please try not to take it personally. I don't tend to meet up much outside groups. Nothing personal about any of the other mums but I haven't found anyone I really click with above a superficial talk-about-the-kids level. I think the problem is lots of use have existing friends that we struggle to find the time to catch up with, let alone new ones

FittonTower Fri 13-Jan-17 13:21:26

Mums are busy people. When I meet new people at playgroups or whatever, even if I really click and think it would be really nice to meet up I struggle to find time to do so. So I might meet up once, have a lovely time and then fail to get my shit together to meet up again for ages. Or at all.
Perhaps people are just a bit rubbish?

Madeoneupnow Fri 13-Jan-17 16:09:34

I think also maybe I'm thinking we click but they don't necessarily I get I can't be everyone's cup of tea but just paranoid as it's happened a couple of times but this thread and my long term friends opinions have made me think maybe I'm not that bad maybe a bit keen but it's only because as a sahm I'm trying to have a variey of people to meet up with- maybe I'll focus on quality not quantity now though 😉

SeekEveryEveryKnownHidingPlace Fri 13-Jan-17 16:22:07

I think if you are happy to talk to anyone and suggest meeting up, you kind of have to accept there'll be a certain attrition rate!

I know a woman who is really lovely and whom I like, but because I'm the opposite of you, and her, when she said after we'd just chatted a few times 'let's meet for coffee' I was all thinking 'but why? how do you know if you like me? what if we have nothing to say? why take the risk?'!

When I say to someone 'let's get a coffee', I'm basically saying I really like them and have calculated that a coffee will probably be good rather than awkward, and we'll be good friends. They don't know this, obviously! Or I hope not!

But anyway - attrition rate the natural consequence of your being outgoing and friendly, I reckon. Don't take it personally.

user1484317265 Fri 13-Jan-17 16:22:10

Recently I was invited on a mums night out and now the rest of that clique are ignoring me

People who call groups of friends "cliques" like that are often kind of annoying.
I'm sure you are a perfectly nice person but you do need to think about the way you are approaching this, your perspective, and how that is going to come across to other people.

Madeoneupnow Sun 15-Jan-17 15:43:29

I think I'm annoying in general just been told about another night out yesterday that I wasn't invited to urgh give in try to be nice and get no where it really is me

user1484317265 Sun 15-Jan-17 15:49:14

But whose night out was it? A group of friends, who don't really know you? You're thinking "oh why didn't they invite me, whats wrong with me?", but maybe its more like; why would they invite me, I'm not in their group of friends, they don't know me?

Madeoneupnow Sun 15-Jan-17 15:51:28

They do know me as much as each other though we all met at the same group same time I don't suppose it matters It just hurts

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