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Asked my housemate to leave the house.

(39 Posts)
nanita Thu 12-Jan-17 21:51:53

My flatmate had a massive argument with her boyfriend and my name kept coming up all the time. Today I raised the issue with her telling her that I had been left very unconfortable in the house since this argument as walls are paper thin and altough I could not hear exactly what they were saying she kept shouting my name while arguing. My room is next to hers. She then came downstairs later on smiling and not saying anything. Today I called a meeting and told her I wished for us to agree a date for them to leave the house as I did not feel confortable anymore around her and her boyfriend (she brought him into the house 4 months ago without asking which has raised past arguments already, he lives here and has never paid any bill, our tenancy agreement says that we are not allowed to have anybody living here without the landlord knowledge and he said in December he would be moving with her in February). She told me that the argument arose because I had shared personal information with her boyfriend which she thought was very disrespectful! The information she speaks about is an email our landlord sent to her and me saying we had not paid the rent. As he was next to me when I read the email I told him that the landlord had sent us an email about the unpaid rent and if he could let her know as I know she rarely checks her emails and did not want her to have any problem. Was I really disrespectful to do that? Me and him really became good friends so we talk about everthing so i did not even think that I was not entiteld to share this information. Am I AIBU?? He told me before she arrived that the argument was about her finding he preferes doing things with others other than her (me in this case) as she went away for new years eve and as he could not travel (health issues) he spent new years eve with me, a friend of mine and one of his, and kept telling her how such an amazing time he had with us. So their version of the argument is diferent, the day of the fight I remember him coming down and telling me she was in a bad mood because she was a bit jealous and for me to ignore.

gamerchick Thu 12-Jan-17 21:55:55

That seems to read to me that you're more after her bloke, or she thinks you are than what your thread title says. confused

dollydaydream114 Thu 12-Jan-17 21:56:09

If he's her boyfriend and he's moved in, the fact that the rent hasn't been paid isn't 'personal information' and I don't think for one moment that's the real reason she was cross and your name came up.

It's pretty obvious that she's jealous of you and thinks you're going to steal her boyfriend (and to be honest, the tone of your post sounds as if you're secretly gloating about that).

LIZS Thu 12-Jan-17 21:56:31

If you are both named on the tenancy it isn't as easy as asking them to go. Have you both paid the rent now. Tbh you were wrong to share the email with a non tenant. She sounds jealous, not of you specifically but of his behaviour and time spent without her. Don't rise to it.

Cakeycakecake Thu 12-Jan-17 22:02:23

Why cant you leave and let them take over the tenancy? It sounds like you don't enjoy living with a couple (understandable given you signed this and the deal has changed) and it'd be easier to get out.
To be honest I'd have informed the landlord that he was living there and let the landlord hand her notice three months ago when it was clear he had moved in.

redexpat Thu 12-Jan-17 22:17:07

Are there really people in this world who dont check their emails? Or even set up an alert on their phone?

Yanbu btw.

HeddaGarbled Thu 12-Jan-17 22:19:02

The argument that she had with her boyfriend was because she is worried that he is either going to dump her for you or play the two of you off against each other or cheat on her with you. She made up a different reason because that would be humiliating for her to admit too and she doesn't trust you not to use that information to either gloat or shimmy your way even further between them.

What are you up to with her boyfriend? Do you want him or are you just enjoying causing trouble between them and hurting her?

VeryBitchyRestingFace Thu 12-Jan-17 22:19:27

Do not covet your neighbour's flatmate's ass is number 1 on the 10 Commandments of Flatsharing, OP.

I think your flatmate may be (justifiably) a bit wary of your relationship with her boyfriend.

PigletWasPoohsFriend Thu 12-Jan-17 22:22:53

Not sure you can just ask them to leave if they are on the tenancy.

If you are unhappy about the situation them why don't you leave.

I agree with others and it does come accross as you are up to something with the bf

user1477282676 Thu 12-Jan-17 22:29:33

You should have told her personally about the email from the landlord. Not through him...but saying that, he shouldn't be there either.

7SunshineSeven7 Thu 12-Jan-17 22:40:00

- He shouldn't be there without paying rent etc (does LL know?)
-Its good you can have meetings and get these things out in the open rather than a lot of people who don't say anything.

-You shouldn't have shared the email as he isn't a 'tenant'
-She is clearly wary of you around her boyfriend, is this justified?
-She lives there and pay rent, you can't just tell her to leave. You can ask her about you not wanting to share the tenancy anymore and either you leave or you have a word with the LL about her behaviour to see if he will ask her to go.

KathArtic Thu 12-Jan-17 22:44:40

Haven't you posted about this before?

Mistletoetastic Thu 12-Jan-17 22:54:08

I thought that this was another Big Brother Thread for a moment,

Anyhoo OP how are you going to get the rent paid if you have asked your housemate to move out? Have you paid your share?

Bunnyfuller Thu 12-Jan-17 22:57:32

Are you not the person who has posted a few times about this boyfriend/flat mate thing?

nanita Thu 12-Jan-17 23:32:51

Just to be clear with everybody, he is not in the tenancy agreement. Me and two other girls are, our tenancy agreement states that we are not allowed to have someone else here living other than us. When I moved into the house I said to the girl I had a boyfriend and if she could please allow me to have it one or twice a week at home to which she said it was fine as long as he was not always home as he starts to get too crowded. The first times my boyfriend came into the house I did not even allow him to be in the living room or kitchen as I did not want to invade the others space or make them uncomfortable. No, I am not after him neither him. He has met my boyfriend and I just speak with him if we meet in the kitchen but yes we do get along as we are quite chatty people and he is like that with everybody not just with me! He end up homeless so we allowed him at home for a few weeks, I am not heartless and if I can help I will, but what was a few weeks became 4 months. The probleme with alerting the landlord is that she could say I breached the contract for not telling her he was here so it is not an easy situation. And I trusted the other flatmate and did want to help her but I felt I needed to give them a deadline to get out. Bear in mind he always says he has no money issues (he has a good job) so he has been living here because he decided so, not that he can t aford another place. In October he said he would be moving in two weeks time but nothing, in November he said he was going to speak with a landlord but nothing and in December he said they had both decided that they would be moving together in January/February to their own flat, he was the one who told us and she was not happy when she discovered it as she thought it was too soon to be sure. I did not ask him to spend New Years Eve with me and my friend. I was at home with my friend making dinner and he came into the kitchen and would not leave, he said his friend was coming over and they would go out and leave us alone (I had no objection at all with that) but apparently the dinner was too boring and they came back home and asked if they could spend New Years Eve with us (should I have said no??, find yourself another place). He kept braging about "how he had such a good time with us" to her because he was in my genuine belief gutted that she chose to spend new years away without him (she had already booked a ticket when they got to know his heath issue and therefore could not go with her). I did make remarks to him how some of his coments can be misunderstood and advised him to be more pacient and even said to him to stop to speak about me and the new years eve, and instead speak about her trip, I am a girl as well so I do understand! When she came back I told her "please have him back because he has been crying all over the house about you beeing away", I wanted her to know that as it was true! He even told me, when she is back we can go all out for dinner (me, girfriend and his friend) and I said to him no, it is her time to get to know your friend and the three of you to have a nice moment. I am happy to help people and he has been welcomed here even if we did not allow him. But putting me in the middle of there issues and making me feel unconfortable in my own house seems unfair to me, bear in mind they have argued quite a lot in the past about many things. And would you find this really a secret information??? An email asking to pay your rent? We all comunicate by email, my other flatmate had to alert her of two months of bills unpaid yet and she had sent her a few emails to remind her to which she said she never read emails in the email she gave us. She is not a monster but her behaviour has really hurted me. She had a lot of arguments with the other flatmate about cleaning and when her boyfriend came he would leave things everywhere, lights switched off in all the house. We have astray cats around the neighborhood and when my boyfriend came he bought them some food. She made the remark that it was better not to do so because they were already fed somewhere else and we did not want to overfeed them. So I said to my boyfriend to stop. When her boyfriend came he started to feed the cats, now we have cats asking for food everytime of the day at our door. This is what hurts me, she was the one who set rules and broke all of them. So yes I have asked her to leave, I feel by breaching the tenancy agreement (having here someone living other than us on the tenancy agreement) she has brought issues into the house that make me feel unconfortable and asked her to agree a date to leave. She refused at first so I said I had no option other than to challenge the tenancy agreement with the landlord. We finally agree and signed a paper as she has two months to find another place.

nanita Thu 12-Jan-17 23:59:01

And yes the rent had been paid. Because of the bank holiday the transaction did not appear on the system as we have automatic transfers. I always pay my bills on time. So no I am not the kind of person who does not pay her rent, bills or do her cleaning!

CaraAspen Fri 13-Jan-17 00:01:47

Paragraphs!!!!! Please.

user1481795553 Fri 13-Jan-17 00:28:03

My god, paragraphs, punctuation and grammar wouldn't go amiss here. That actually hurt to read.
However yanbu, it sounds like the boyfriend has to go, he's causing you to feel uncomfortable and shouldn't be living there anyway. Your flatmate on the other hand doesn't seem to be too much of an issue

user1477282676 Fri 13-Jan-17 00:35:11

User I think OP has English as a second language. Certain turns of phrase are a giveaway.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Fri 13-Jan-17 00:37:50

YANBU to get them to leave, as it's turning into quite an unhealthy scenario all round and your housemate is flouting the tenancy agreement.

Hope they leave without too much problem.

dowhatnow Fri 13-Jan-17 00:46:04

Sounds as if it's all sorted then. The best result for everyone.

nanita Fri 13-Jan-17 00:48:52


I am so upset by the way things had to end up that I can't even writte correctly. Sorry for the missing words, errors and lack of paragrahs.

I know I am guilty to have let this situation arrive to this point sad

No I have never posted here, this was my first time. Sometimes we are so angry that we can t think clearly, and even if I am angry I still believe that sometimes the way you look at a situation is completely diferent from others point of view. I don't want to be unfair with her. We do house meetings together with her boyfriend and we discuss other issues, as the other housmate telling her she had not paid her bills in two months.

I did not speak to him to make her feel bad he happened to be with me in the living room when I received the email and as the landlord requested payment asap and I know she does not read her email I just wanted to make sure she would pay asap and and not get in trouble. It had been a festive time so forgetting would be completely understandable. And as he was calling her every hour I read the email in front of him and just said can you let her know of this, I even said to him the email was intended to me as well and I was not saying that in any bad way as he started to apologise on her behalf.

ohtheholidays Fri 13-Jan-17 00:58:50

It doesn't sound like you've done anything wrong at all!

It sounds like you've tried to be a really good friend and house mate and the other girl should never have just moved her boyfriend in!

I think asking them both to leave was the sensible thing to do,will you be looking for someone else to houseshare with you if you do I'd think about making up a list of easy to follow house rules for you all so you don't have anything like this happen again.

38cody Fri 13-Jan-17 01:06:49

Too much to read - sorry.

Atenco Fri 13-Jan-17 01:32:48

These things happen, nanita. I'm an old lady now but have fond memories of my flat shares in my youth. They nearly always end unhappily, but it does not take away from a lot of the fun one has meanwhile.

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