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to think that you shouldn't ask someone if they are pregnant?

(25 Posts)
deliverdaniel Thu 12-Jan-17 19:13:46

I am mortified.

Ever since DC2 my stomach has not been exactly 'flat' . I am generally quite small boned, but have this big tummy, (poor muscle control plus its got worse since I ahve put on a few pounds over xmas). I have started pilates and weightwatchers but nothing is working yet. I don't look hugely pregnant, but maybe early stage pregnancy- 4-5 months ish- that questionable stage. (I am not pregnant btw)

People have started looking at my stomach and patting it and asking if I"m pregnant. This has now happened 4 times and I hate it. One teacher at DS's school asked me the other day if I was pregnant. I said no and I assumed she would be utterly mortified. But she either didn't hear me, or has totally forgotten because today she was asking me "how I was feeling" in that smiley 'pregnant-asking' way, and telling me I looked "glowing with it." Seriously. Glowing. I was on the way out of school, rushing to drop off my other DS and was too shocked to react. What can I do to convince people I'm not pregnant without causing major embarrassment?? And what can I do to make my stomach not look pregnant any more??? THis is made worse by the fact that I desperately want DC3 and it looks like I am no longer fertile.

I would never ask someone if they were pregnant and wouldn't acknowledge it at all until 9 months when it was absolutely unmistakable and perhaps if they were wearing a 'baby on board' badge. AIBU?

DontTouchTheMoustache Thu 12-Jan-17 19:16:03

Jesus christ what's wrong with people?! flowers for you. Fucking idiots.

SauvignonBlanche Thu 12-Jan-17 19:18:33

That only happened to me once, after a late MC but I remember how it felt.
Why don't people bloody think?

miscarryingandsad Thu 12-Jan-17 19:18:38

I've had this a couple of times (several IVF rounds, miscarriages, ectopic pregnancies which can in themselves make me look bloated so it was a sore point).

I used to get a bit defensive and sometimes explain all of this but then I now I just say "No, I'm just a bit fat". It normally makes them very uncomfortable, but then, why shouldn't they be?

Ilovecaindingle Thu 12-Jan-17 19:20:02

Tell them its a Xmas pudding...

pasturesgreen Thu 12-Jan-17 19:21:03

Yanbu! You never, ever do that, under no circumstances. It's manners 101 really.

lexi873 Thu 12-Jan-17 19:22:31

I had this once just after I'd had my son, I went into a shop to buy some nappies and the woman on the till said "aww when are you due?" I said actually he's a week old I've
Left him in the car. Don't know who was more embarrassed lol.
As for what you can do, I don't know how old your little one is but I'm currently 38weeks and am planning on buying a post baby girdle this time to wear, I'm quite small framed too and I get left with a baggy pouch after birth.

PotatoMcKale Thu 12-Jan-17 19:22:38

So rude! Pat their tummies back?!

ConvincingLiar Thu 12-Jan-17 19:23:30

Rude and dangerous question.

rubberducker Thu 12-Jan-17 19:30:58

I have a really terrible tummy after 3large babies. I'm back in a size 12 now after DC3 who is 6 months old after going back to Weightwatchers and losing over 2 stone. I was feeling really pleased with myself and took myself off for some new nursing bras as the ones I had fitted just after birth were too big. Had a conversation with the fitter about how I liked the bras so just wanted the same again but in the right size. She measured me and it turns out I'd gone down 3 cup sizes so was over the moon...until she asked me if I'd had the baby yet!!! Talking about pissing on someone's bonfire!

OreoHeaven Thu 12-Jan-17 19:40:36

Could you possibly have DR?

NorthLondonmum83 Thu 12-Jan-17 19:46:32

This happened to me a couple of times a few years ago if people noticed me not drinking. After miscarriage I didn't drink much for ages - hangovers made me feel even more sad and I wanted to be as healthy as possible when TTC! It is upsetting to have to deny the existence of a pregnancy you're desperate for just because you don't have a flat stomach or turn down a glass of wine. Given how many couples out there have issues with fertility one way or another I think people are bonkers to ask!

Fredmitten Thu 12-Jan-17 19:48:08

Never be without a cigarette or a glass of wine wink Seriously, I have no idea what possess people to ask. I've never had a child but my weight is all front in a pcos way, and unless at my slimmest (still a small 14) get asked on and off. I don't think being late 30s with a wedding ring helps, but I'll be arsed if I'm apologising.

Surreyblah Thu 12-Jan-17 19:48:55

Sorry people are so rude.

Could be diastasis recti. If so avoid sit ups and running!

MyHairNeedsASnip Thu 12-Jan-17 19:49:33

YANBU. Unless you see the head emerging you should never ask.

SquedgieBeckenheim Thu 12-Jan-17 19:52:53

I had this about 6 months before I conceived! Looked shocked and said no, I'm not. The woman then said "oh, I just assumed because of your shape". She didn't seem to get how rude she was being.
I'm now 30 weeks pregnant and JUST started getting people asking when I'm due. Obviously it's less offensive when actually pregnant.
There are some people who just don't engage brain before mouth.
Sorry you are having trouble with fertility flowers

deliverdaniel Thu 12-Jan-17 20:33:46

thanks so much everyone- you are making me feel so much better. And sorry to those of you have had this too, especially with teh added pain of fertility issues.

Will look up Diastastis Recti- not sure what it is but will get it checked out. t hank you!

Now not sure what to say to this teacher when seh inevitably asks me if I have the nursery ready yet or whatever. Don't want to make things awkward at DS's school where I have to go every day. Ugh.

TheTantrumCometh Thu 12-Jan-17 20:36:53

I've had this a few times, too. Though I am currently pregnant and no one has mentioned it!

People are generally well meaning but that doesn't help and you definitely shouldn't be asked.

Fridgedooropen Thu 12-Jan-17 20:38:48

If she says anything again, I would take her to one side and say 'Just to be clear, I'm not pregnant, it's extra weight, and it's embarrassing that you keep asking me about it. Can we leave it now?'

It is insensitive of people. I would never ask.

PastysPrincess Thu 12-Jan-17 20:41:35

I asked the assistant in the pharmacy if he wanted to see my maternity exemption certificate for my prescription. He looks me right in the face and points at my stomach and says "Nah, thats your exemption certificate"

My son was about 4 months old then.

AntiHop Thu 12-Jan-17 20:45:33

This has happened to me many times as a round shaped woman. It drives me mad the people would assume.

It also happens regularly to a friend of mine. She's a size 8 but after 3 kids kids her tummy is a bit round. People are so rude.

bestcatintheworld Thu 12-Jan-17 21:26:22

This has happened to me so many times, I've lost count. I probably have DR, but what can I do about it, I certainly won't have surgery. I've got skinny legs and skinny arms and a huge tummy, not helped by the shape of my spine and a tendency to get bloated. The only reason people have stopped asking me this dreaded question now is because I frankly look to old to be pregnant.

bestcatintheworld Thu 12-Jan-17 21:26:54

*too old

dollydaydream114 Thu 12-Jan-17 21:31:52

Because of various medications I've had to take, I've had to lay off alcohol for several periods of a few months at a time during my adult life.

Literally every time this has been the case, at least two or three people have asked if I'm pregnant.

Apart from the fact that no I bloody well wasn't and had no intention of even trying to be, can you imagine if I had been and hadn't been ready to announce it?! People are so bloody crass.

karmacoma1 Thu 12-Jan-17 22:23:30

What is WRONG with people?! This got brought up at work regarding a colleague from another department - who isn't pregnant.

It made me so uncomfortable, having her discussed like that, I just said people hold weight in different places and shut the conversation down.

I'm sorry people have been so rude op flowers

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