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WIBU to not take my son to church??

(109 Posts)
deelli Thu 12-Jan-17 18:18:48

DS is 11 and has decided he wants to start going to church. WIBU to say I won't go? I'm an atheist and wouldn't want to 'support' a particular religion.

PastysPrincess Thu 12-Jan-17 18:22:48

If he has stated he wants to go then yes, you should take him and support his choices not necessarily the religion.

If he wanted to play football would you tell him no just because you dont want to play?

harderandharder2breathe Thu 12-Jan-17 18:24:07

Yes you should take him. He's old enough to decide for himself what he wants to believe in. He may just want to explore it rather than actually believe.

ButteredToastAndStrawberryJam Thu 12-Jan-17 18:24:28

My son's grown now but if he'd wanted to go I'd have taken him, I follow no religion either.

WorldsSmallestPatio Thu 12-Jan-17 18:25:11

You don't have to take him. He can go on his own. Is there one he can walk to from home?

I would go once with him and introduce him to the minister and say he'd like to come on his own. There will be Sunday school probably most weeks.

Wheredidallthejaffacakesgo Thu 12-Jan-17 18:25:48

If he's 11 can he not take himself to church, or at least be given a lift there and be picked up afterwards?

DelphiniumBlue Thu 12-Jan-17 18:27:52

You could take him once, so that he knows the way and what to do, but you'd be perfectly reasonable to tell him to make his own way after that.
Most children of that age can get themselves to local activities independently.

Thinkingofausername1 Thu 12-Jan-17 18:29:21

You should take him. if you aren't keen on going you could just drop him and pick him up?? Once he is known to people, he could eventually get a lift.

Bluesrunthegame Thu 12-Jan-17 18:29:28

I'm a very happy atheist but I always told my children that if they wanted to explore religion, I'd take them to some churches. They were put off by church parade for cubs, brownies etc. so once they stopped going to those, we didn't have to go. But if any of them had felt any interest, I would have gone with them. I was Catholic until I was 12, at which point I realised the whole thing had always bored me and stopped going.

Does your DS know which denomination he is interested in? Cof E, Baptist, Methodist, Catholic? Or is he interested in Buddhism or some other religion?

Chelazla Thu 12-Jan-17 18:30:59

I'm going to watch this with interest! I'm veggie and I was wondering if I'm right in cooking my kids meat or if I should make them follow my beliefs! This seems a similar vein making kids follow your path or decide their own!

alltouchedout Thu 12-Jan-17 18:31:00

My parents are atheist and agnostic and when as a child I said I wanted to be a christian, they found me a Sunday school. They came to Family Service whenever I asked them to, they made sure I had money for the collections, they facilitated my taking part in church events and they never, until the day the scales fell from my eyes and I announced that all belief and faith I had was gone, said a single negative thing about my church and religion. I admire them.very much for that.

WorldsSmallestPatio Thu 12-Jan-17 18:32:48

That's really good parenting alltouchedout

Given me the right warm and fuzzies reading that

deelli Thu 12-Jan-17 18:32:55

Church of England I believe. He just writes pages and pages of letters to 'God' and says I just wouldn't understand. I really want to support him, but don't want to become part of that community (not because I think there's anything wrong with it, but because I just don't believe).

Yes, I suppose he could go on his own. Is that allowed?

scortja Thu 12-Jan-17 18:33:04

Your parents sound awesome alltouchedout

user1483387154 Thu 12-Jan-17 18:33:51

Does he have any friends that attend church that he could go with?

JessieMcJessie Thu 12-Jan-17 18:35:00

Have you ever explained to him that you are atheist, and why? Just as it's reasonable for Christians to encourage Church attendance it's reasonable for you to encourage not having a faith, as long as you talk in a balanced way.

ChipmunkSundays Thu 12-Jan-17 18:35:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ilovewillow Thu 12-Jan-17 18:35:49

I would take him or find someone he could go with. A neighbour used to take my sister and myself when we were younger. My daughter goes to a C of E junior school and my husband is an atheist. Her school attend church a lot and we support her in that. If she wants to go in a Sunday I would take her but my husband has always told her he would support her . I think you can support without actively believing yourself.

SnatchedPencil Thu 12-Jan-17 18:36:22

You shouldn't feel that you have to take him. If he wanted to play football, you might take him, then again you might not. It would depend on the circumstances, how busy you were.

I would suggest you question him about why exactly he has developed the urge to attend church. Which particular branch of religion has he chosen, and why? "Christianity" is not good enough - he should explain whether its Catholicism, C of E, Methodist, whatever, and he should have a reason as to why that branch appeals to him more than others.

If he wants to read a bible or something, consider buying him a very cheap one. But remember that it is full of stuff that is generally considered unsuitable for children of his age - murder, damnation, sodomy and so on.

You need to find out though why he has this feeling now. You shouldn't just give in to his request. When he is older, he will be able to choose for himself - for now, it's entirely your call.

ChipmunkSundays Thu 12-Jan-17 18:37:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JessieMcJessie Thu 12-Jan-17 18:38:25

Sounds like he may have some sort of worry or anxiety underlying this? If I were you I'd find a vicar willing to chat to him about what he's putting in these letters and why, and how churchgoing and practising Christianity fit into what he needs in life, as Christianity isn't really about corresponding with God so he's getting a bit mixed up here. I'm imagining a vicar like Dibley or Rev!

ButteredToastAndStrawberryJam Thu 12-Jan-17 18:38:40

I got the fuzzies too with alltouchedout post.
That's what the best parenting is isn't it, supporting not projecting.

BellyBean Thu 12-Jan-17 18:42:11

I go to church and there are a couple of children who attend the 'Sunday school' or 'kids church' but without their parents attending church themselves. You should really facilitate him going if possible.

RebelRogue Thu 12-Jan-17 18:43:31

YANBU if you simply don't want to take him/attend yourself. You could drop him off and pick up later,arrange maybe for him to go with a friend,have him go by himself etc.
YABVVU if you want to stop him going because you don't believe.

altiara Thu 12-Jan-17 18:44:31

I think it would be allowed, my friend goes to church and they have children's group with leaders so I'm sure if you are able to find some contacts, they will support your DS. Some churches are better than others with their children's stuff so he'd need to pick the right church (like choosing a school I suppose).

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