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AIBU to ask for your definition of a mysogynist? (For sons and daughters)

(15 Posts)
Saggingninja Thu 12-Jan-17 14:54:52

My DD is nearly 13. She is very confident but I know that sooner or later she will run into a creep who will get pleasure from trying to make her feel uncomfortable. I was brought up a strict Catholic and absorbed much of that 'woman are secondary' attitude - was too polite and put up with some seriously shit behaviour, till I grew up -and threw off Catholicism-.

And I know women can be misogynists too.

I think you know a man is a misogynist when he expresses disgust about the natural functions of a woman's body - periods, breastfeeding, and body hair.

Eg: (sorry for DM link but they DO hate women)
Daily Mail

dollydaydream114 Thu 12-Jan-17 15:07:08

I think that's one of the many facets of misogyny, yes.

I also think a classic hallmark of misogyny is men who express frustration that women 'friend zone' them instead of dating them and 'lead them on' or 'use them' by being friends with them but not wanting to be their girlfriend. These are often men who insist they are 'nice guys' and complain that 'women only want to date bad boys who treat like them shit'. It suggests that they think that there is no reason to be friends with a woman unless you're going to get to shag her, that being nice to a woman should entitle you to sex with her, and that they think that women are fundamentally stupid and shallow and don't know what's good for them.

Justanothernameonthepage Thu 12-Jan-17 15:15:39

I see a misogynist is someone who acts/believes that women are 'other' and/or 'objects'. Who think that women should behave in a certain way, or that women should be grateful for simply being wanted (sexually or otherwise) and not cause a fuss/demand Equal rights or consideration.

MorrisZapp Thu 12-Jan-17 15:18:45

It's thinking that men are the 'thing' and women are 'other' in my view.

Soubriquet Thu 12-Jan-17 15:20:51

Misogyny = the dislike of women

Wanting to keep them oppressed

That men are better and women are inferior

That their daily functions are disgusting such as BF and periods

shovetheholly Thu 12-Jan-17 15:21:02

A misogynist to me is anyone who believes women are in any way necessarily or naturally inferior to men on the grounds of their gender. The opposite of misogynist, to me, is a feminist - which is anyone who believes women are equal to men.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 12-Jan-17 15:26:57

I think describing misogyny isn't as useful as naming it when you see it and modeling good boundaries around it.

Best lesson my mother ever taught me was that my body is mine. It's pretty much the only thing that truly is. No one gets to make decisions about it except me. And if they try, they are in the wrong every time. Whether that's a boy who tried to push my boundaries or a politician who tries to control my reproduction. Good 70s feminist, my mum.

Saggingninja Thu 12-Jan-17 15:27:58


Being nice to a woman should entitle you to sex with her

Spot on. I've met a couple of blokes like that. Really bitter about it too.

Another thing I've noticed about misogynists:

They may hate women but they have to have at least one around, to do all the cooking and cleaning that they themselves are too superior to do.

DJBaggySmalls Thu 12-Jan-17 15:29:59

This thread is already a classic, I wish I were as articulate as everyone who has posted.

Saggingninja Thu 12-Jan-17 15:31:27

MrsTerry - your mum sounded great. Alas, mine was lovely, an Irish Catholic but she sent out these terrible messages. Irish Catholic men were basically 'children' she would say who would starve in a well-equipped kitchen, but she always deferred to him, constantly grumbled when he would come home very late and drunk - but wouldn't allow us to start dinner until he arrived (so no boundaries for his bad behaviour) and worst of all, when I became a teen, she would say: 'Don't go and get yourself raped.'


MilkTwoSugarsThanks Thu 12-Jan-17 15:32:23

My personal experience is that anyone who disagrees with a feminist about anything is called a misogynist.

VestalVirgin Thu 12-Jan-17 15:36:29

Misogyny = the dislike of women

Yeah, that's the literal translation.

But in fact, most misogynists would claim that they just love women. They find women to be very useful objects.

Therefore, I find "A misogynist is someone who considers women objects rather than people" the more useful definition.

Sure, I would say that those misogynists who claim to love women do not actually do so, but it would be confusing to a child. Especially as misogynists often like the company of women, etc., so would seem to like women.

Prompto Thu 12-Jan-17 16:16:22

Anyone who uses the fact that you're a woman to try and make you feel less important, less worthy, less equal, just less.

People who think your right to bodily autonomy, including consent and freedom to choose, is up for debate.

Anyone at all who thinks 'no' is a starting point for a negotiation because your refusal is secondary to whatever it is they want.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 12-Jan-17 18:48:24

'I love women' is the 'some of my best friends are...' of sexism. Because 'loving' women lumps them all into a homogeneous blob and others them at the same time. I've noticed that men that 'love women' rarely even like me. For some reason...

Also, 'you're not like other girls'. What's wrong with other girls?

Prompto Thu 12-Jan-17 19:40:55

DB is a fan of the old "women want equality when it suits them...." and "feminism is just man hating and double standards, I'd get in trouble if I started a group about hating women but when the women do it its allowed..."

And yes, I call him out on it every single time.

Then there's DF who thinks DM left him because her feminist co-workers told her to because all these feminists hate men. How does know they're feminists? They're all divorced and they sleep about. He also gets called out on it, I don't want my DD thinking these attitudes are normal.

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