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To want more kids one day?

(45 Posts)
Busybeesbum Thu 12-Jan-17 08:35:31

Hello.
I have four children aged from 10 to 2. I love kids and have enjoyed every part of motherhood up to now. I love the closeness breastfeeding gave us and love spending time with my children. Everyone in my life knows this. Yesterday I was out with my mum and we started talking about how many kids is reasonable. I told her I would quite like more children and she was horrified. She told me 4 is quite enough and I shouldn't even consider having more. I'm single anyway so it's unlikely at present but aibu by being annoyed by her attitude?

justanotheryoungmother Thu 12-Jan-17 08:37:39

I think that if you can afford it and are capable of having another one (not necessarily now) then you should do it if you want to- it's your life, not your mother's smile

FishInAWetSuitAndFlippers Thu 12-Jan-17 08:38:14

You were having a discussion, you probably came up with a number that would offend someone too.

I'd just avoid the subject in future.

Busybeesbum Thu 12-Jan-17 08:43:48

I didn't mention a number I just said I wanted more.

Snowflakes1122 Thu 12-Jan-17 08:49:57

I supppse as your mum she's thinking about how it would impact you in a practice sense.
She maybe thinks it's hard enough for you as a single mother of four.

Busybeesbum Thu 12-Jan-17 08:55:02

True snowflakes maybe she misunderstood me. Despite having four kids I do think a relationship is not unattainable so at some point more kids would be good.

Araminta99 Thu 12-Jan-17 08:55:07

YABU. I think most people would view 4 children as quite enough to handle.

Pluto30 Thu 12-Jan-17 08:57:38

Eh, I can see where she's coming from.

You have four young children, and you're a single mother. It's likely she thinks you've got bigger fish to fry than to worry about having more kids in the future.

Plus, your desire for more children is all about you and what you want. It's not regarding your existing children. This is what I've gleaned from your posts on this thread thus far.

MLGs Thu 12-Jan-17 09:37:21

I agree it depends on if you can afford it and whether it would impact negatively on your existing children.

They are so rewarding at later stages of childhood and as adults (not in every case, but often) anyway that I would try to focus on enjoying every stage with those you have and not just the closeness of breastfeeding, having a new born etc.

I know not everyone wants a career but that can be rewarding too (not saying you haven't had one but just thinking of all the different things life has to offer). Have you considered a job that involves working with kids? Or had that kind of job in the past? If you love kids and their company it doesn't have to be your own. You could do a lot of good working with other people's kids once yours are at school.

ghostspirit Thu 12-Jan-17 09:53:58

I guess thats just your mums opinion. It does not mean you have to agree. I have 6 I'm not having any more. Because it's the right choice for me that I made myself. You don't have to rule anything in or out. Just see what the future brings.

Busybeesbum Thu 12-Jan-17 09:54:33

It's not all about me but I have always wanted a big family and I think with the right setting no child suffers quite the opposite. I'm working currently 2 days a week in a job related to children and am going to increase my hours as they get older.

Busybeesbum Thu 12-Jan-17 09:56:03

Thanks ghost I'm only 32 so hopefully if I was in the right situation I'd be able to have more

NathanBarleyrocks Thu 12-Jan-17 09:56:58

Can you afford it without relying on anyone other than the father? Eg, not needing tax credits, any other tax payer funded handouts etc?

Busybeesbum Thu 12-Jan-17 10:02:11

Hi Nathan at present I can afford the four I have as my ex husband pays maintainence and I work so don't need/qualify for state handouts

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve Thu 12-Jan-17 10:08:15

Unless you expect her to help bring them up I suppose it's not your mums business but she's only giving an opinion. Big families are a nice theory but hard work and expensive. I would have liked more than two but haven't had more as I don't think I could handle it. grin

Busybeesbum Thu 12-Jan-17 10:11:11

Lol, Lois it's hard work but I do love being a mum.

tinyterrors Thu 12-Jan-17 12:21:22

It's not unreasonable to want more children but depending on your circumstances, now or future, it may be unreasonable to have more children.

I have four and I'd love another child but we can only just afford the children we have (number four was a huge surprise), another child is out of the question financially as we'd need a bigger house.

Busybeesbum Thu 12-Jan-17 12:54:22

Hi tiny. True in an ideal world I'd like 2 more but that's if I'm in a situation where that's going to work

Lottapianos Thu 12-Jan-17 13:02:43

You love spending time with your children? That's great. So spend time with your children. The four children that you already have. They are all very young and need your time and attention. You're not unreasonable to want another baby - none of us can help our feelings - but it would be very unreasonable to go through with it IMO

Busybeesbum Thu 12-Jan-17 15:04:57

Hi lotta I'm single so it's unlikely anyway. I don't think it's a crime to dream about more kids though even if it doesn't happen x

Lovemuffin89 Sun 15-Jan-17 18:25:55

I agree with Justanotheryoungmother on this one. You are at the reigns of your own life - not your mom. If you can manage more kids and want to have more then by all means do!

formerbabe Sun 15-Jan-17 18:35:03

I think you're mad grin. I have 2 DC and the thought of anymore makes me break out in a cold sweat!

I couldn't care less how many DC other people have though.

formerbabe Sun 15-Jan-17 18:36:30

By the way, does your mother provide you with childcare? Is that why she doesn't think you should have more?

missbishi Sun 15-Jan-17 20:03:48

That's what I thought too, former. Or maybe she can't afford to gift for any more grandchildren?

anyoldname76 Sun 15-Jan-17 20:10:13

i have 3 children and i must admit i miss the baby stage, i missed out on my last dc first few weeks as i had a stroke, i would love another but health and finances wouldn't allow it. there is nothing wrong with wanting more. my mum would be horrified if i told her i was pregnant again and i must admit im always shattered at the end of the day so for me its just a bit of a daydream

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