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To confront OH about suspected hidden debts

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HeavyMetalMummy Wed 11-Jan-17 23:34:16

Bit long winded sorry. I'm going back to work after maternity leave and as such we have to use child care (no family available to help out) Our household expenses are going to increase by about 650p/m but if I didn't go back our overall situation would be much worse. ANYWAY, the actual issue is that whilst on my own for the day I took it upon myself to do some calculations and draw up a budget to see where we would stand and how best to manage monetary matters for all our sakes. OH and I have always had separate bank accounts and never really had discussions about money/debts primarily because we never had a reason to. Of course now with a baby that's all changed. In order to draw up the afore mentioned budget I went hunting for a payslip for OH and a recent bank statement to get an idea about expenses like phone contract/insurances etc. I knew OH had recently taken a consolidation loan to clear an OD in addition to a credit card and a catalogue....or so I was told. Having looked at a statement from November it would seem that the CC is still being paid as is the catalogue, this is in addition to the loan. So, basically OH is fibbing about outstanding debts. I refrained from actually confronting OH about this, opting to give OH the chance to come clean by telling them I had created a spreadsheet for a budget and needed an honest account of current income and outgoings from OH for it to be accurate. OH did not come clean about the CC and catalogue. So long story short this now means OH will have 150 'personal spending money' to cover undisclosed debts amounting to 170 each month as well as food at work etc. Thing is if OH came clean I would not have batted an eyelid about including these debts in with the monthly expenses and splitting the cost between us. Yes I would have asked why they were still going but it's not like I'd throw a fit over them. Would it be unreasonable to confront OH about these debts so I can include them in the figures and come up with a way of splitting things so OH doesn't end up in the red every month or getting into more debt? Bearing in mind I really shouldn't have taken it upon myself to go hunting through OHs bank statements without their permission. And yes I know that it was a huge invasion of privacy and I'm a bad partner for having done it but I can't unsee what I've seen and I really was just trying to get us both organised as best I could.

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