Wanting zero birthday celebrations?

[celticecho]

Next month I have a big number birthday. I want absolutely no presents or cards and have told anyone likely to get me anything to please not bother!

This seems to have kicked up a bit of a stink! My 11 yo dd is upset that I won't get any presents on my birthday, my mother and aunt seem to be ignoring my request and have basically told me 'tough, suck it up, we want to get you something!'. My partner and best friend seem to have accepted my request, but with a bit of laughter!

I'm really not being a delicate snowflake about this. I know I'm getting older, I'm not trying to hide my age or anything like that - I just don't want any celebration of the day!!

What do you guys think about this? Am I being especially unreasonable or am I being a bit crap in not wanting anything to do with my birthday? Should I suck it up for the sake of those around me?

[KC225]

If you were on your own do what you want. But it seems a bit churlish and a bit 'look at me' I don't want anything. Why make such a bit fuss about having nothing. In my experience, if you stay quiet rarely people make song and dance.

At least let your 11year old give you a card and a present and be gracious about it. It's only a day.

Happy Birthday.

[celticecho]

I agree, it does seem churlish and perhaps a tad juvenile. I didn't bring it up. I was asked what I wanted and I said nothing (as I do every year!). It then escalated to where it it now!

The other issue is that my fabulous grandfather died on my birthday a few years ago. I've never really celebrated birthdays but his passing made it worse in my head!

I've suggested to my daughter that she makes a big deal of me on Mothers Day and that's chilled her out a bit. I think I will suggest to her that she makes me a birthday card if she brings it up again.

[Biffsboys]

I'm a bit like you - never want any big attention for birthday . However if my dc want to make a fuss , I accept it because they love it ? Your dgf I'm sure would want you to enjoy your birthday

[Birdsgottafly]

I never want anything, but I always had a nice day/tea with my children.

I hate it when Parents will upset their children because a relative has died on that occasion, especially one that we shouldn't outlive.

[CotswoldStrife]

Your stance does make a bigger deal out of it than if you just accepted the gifts! If it was about the death of your Grandfather then I suspect that you'd just celebrate your birthday the day before or after - I think that's just an excuse tbh.

The only people I know who do this have some background (mental health) issues and are extremely controlling in general - I don't know if this is the same for you (I hope not!) but even they accept cards and presents from children. Children often like to give cards, presents and to celebrate birthdays - possibly because they are such a big deal to them - so I do think YABU to stop your own daughter from doing so. Please reconsider a gift as well as a card from her, because she is upset about it!

[empirerecordsrocked]

I understand where you're coming from in general but a bit harsh to apply it to your daughter!

[WorraLiberty]

I'm not big on birthdays and never have been.

But I do think this comes across as a bit attention seeky.

If someone wants to buy you a gift, why not let them? Especially your DD.

I could understand if they wanted to throw a party or even take you out to a restaurant, but a gift?

Meh!

[celticecho]

Ok, looks like I need to chill a tad when it comes to my daughter. I won't mention it to her again and let her do what she wants to do at the time.

I don't think I'm a controlling person generally. Usually, I'm very laid back, but I have always had issues around my birthday. I'm really not a fan of being the centre of attention!
Since my granddad died, I have moved the day to a couple of days after the actual day. I've joked that I'm like the queen and have 2 birthdays!!
I will try and calm down a bit about this. I would honestly rather people spent their money on themselves and have suggested my mum and aunt do this as they don't get the chance to treat themselves very often. I'd get more happiness seeing them enjoying themselves.

[NotCitrus]

Definitely move celebrations if it helps, and do it low key if you want. My dad is a bit like this but the family have reached a compromise - he gets a chocolate cake and a visit and token present, but we don't talk about why!

[Ragwort]

Personally I would agree with you but I have learned, in similar circumstances, that it is better to take 'control' of the event rather than let someone else 'surprise' you with a party or other celebration. My DH was adamant we did something for one of my 'significant' birthdays and I went along with it without really enjoying it. If I was you I would organise a small tea party/lunch out/theatre trip whatever suits you so at least you know what is happening.

[Greyponcho]

Why not suggest that rather than having presents for presents sake, that everyone chips in for an enjoyable day out that everyone can benefit from, but otherwise wouldn't have a reason to do? Saves clutter for you and makes it more about a 'family day out' rather than 'your birthday'