I'm a flakey friend. My friend a week before Christmas invited me and another friend to an event this Friday which has £10 tickets. We both responded that sounds good but didn't discuss buying tickets. I was busy with work before Christmas and my other friend was travelling in NZ. My other friend a week and a half later says 'shall we organise tickets?' And I respond 2 days later (we were in holiday) and said that's a Christmas was a bit more expensive than we thought and I'm short until pay day - could I cancel and can we all get drinks on pay day? I cancelled with 2 weeks notice.
Similarly in Oct same friend organised attending the Friday evening of a week long cocktail event. I cancelled with 4 days notice.
On both events our mutual friend has found someone to replace me and has said from the outset that that was fine (she's very social and her and her friends regularly do this). She's also had to be a bit up in the air with plans as she's working unpredictable days in another city, long days etc.
Over Christmas I was 40 mins late for drinks with a group of friends. I had organised this and was v stressed because this friend didn't have any flexibility with time or date and didn't offer or suggest another time or date in the week we were there over Christmas. I was late because my parents wanted dd for the night, DH then wanted that evening as a date night, and we forgot dad's stuff as we'd taken her on a day out that day.
I know all of this is my fault. I cancelled on the cocktails in October because I'd had a heavy week at work (I was leaving 2 weeks after) and we were all, including this friend, going away for the weekend together the next day. We also saw each other in November and over Christmas, also August and I think September.
I've really struggled to balance work and family life with my new job I started in October. The job is demanding and we had flu then norovirus on the house. My commute is also 3 hours a day and with a toddler waking up at 5.30 in the morning, it was all getting on top of me.
Friend sent me a 300 word message last week and in the message that:
- I was treating her pretty poorly
- She was frustrated at me dropping out on more than one occasion at short notice (for the events listed above)
- That's she guilty of 'trying to make me think'
- That I shouldn't commit with certainty and then drop out
- She had been gracious to me so far but can't be expected to over and over again
- That I need to be fair with my friends (I've checked in and no-one else upset)
- She gave me a list of things that I could and couldn't cancel for and what I should say in "" when responding to an organised event
- she said she understood it was demanding being a parent but that was no excuse for how I'd been treating her
I'm at a loss here. I've responded and said I essentially take her point but feel it's a massive overreaction and going 50 notches ahead of what it needs to. If she'd asked I would have told her that I was struggling to balance everything since starting new job and committed to the things above whilst not realising it's full impact.
I should mention she has form for doing this to other friends. She did it to a close friend who became more distant at uni that 'she deserved more respect than that' and then a few years later told her she'd 'let it go considering the circumstances' that her mother had just died.
I don't know if I can be friends with her anymore and I feel awful for thinking that.
AIBU to think this is an overreaction?
