To be pissed off by ''I'll babysit''.

(92 Posts)
User1234567891011 Wed 11-Jan-17 07:38:38

Last night we had the family over and my SIL was discussing wanting to go out with her friends that week for lunch and my DB (her husband) said ''Don't worry, I'll babysit for you''.

They're his kids!

I've heard this said by men (my brothers and others) a lot like they're doing a favour by ''babysitting'' their own kids, instead of them just looking after them.

AIBU to be annoyed by this?

Jooni Wed 11-Jan-17 07:40:02

YANBU, and I doubt anyone will say you are

formerbabe Wed 11-Jan-17 07:45:13

I hate this!

If I go out with my friends, one of them invariably says to me "is Mr formerbabe babysitting then?". I always say "no, he's at home with the children"!

It's bloody annoying and like I said to dh, if he goes out then no one asks him if I'm babysitting the DC!

Mcnorton Wed 11-Jan-17 07:46:46

I must admit my husband and I refer to it as babysitting between ourselves, usually when one wants to go somewhere special and couldn't do it without the other one's cooperation. It was slightly sarcastic at first but now we just use the term. But it works both ways, I babysit for him too. I think I started it -husband too sensible to have done it as if he had started with that nonsense he'd have got an earful! grin

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan Wed 11-Jan-17 07:50:26

YANBU. Sadly lots of people say it. Because, don't you know, looking after kids is the mum's job and they ought to be very grateful when the dads babysithmm

We were talking at work last week about ironing bedding and I said I tended not yo but my husband always ironed them
At which point people started saying "your husband does the ironing? You're so lucky". Gives me the rage. We both work ft and both wear clothes, why wouldn't he do the ironing half the time?

vdbfamily Wed 11-Jan-17 07:50:35

This debate is had regularly and you will have people like me who use the expression myself and others who object. You will prob find that in relationships where the childcare is equally shared, women do not mind how this is expressed but if a partner is not pulling their weight and then starts talking about 'babysitting' as if it is a favour not a given, it is irritating.It is afterall just saying that one of you will sit with the babies whilst the other goes out. (obviously not even babies anymore in most situations)

Mcnorton Wed 11-Jan-17 07:52:47

Oh vdbfamily has expressed it articulately! That's what I meant.

Scribblegirl Wed 11-Jan-17 07:52:55

Yanbu. File next to men protesting that they don't know why their wife is upset/exhausted because they 'help out at home'...

EmmaWoodlouse Wed 11-Jan-17 07:53:13

I'm female and I often used to say I was "babysitting" when I was staying at home with my own children! So I wouldn't automatically find it irritating, although I might if a parent (of either sex) seemed to be using it in a resentful way, as if they didn't think they should be doing it.

User1234567891011 Wed 11-Jan-17 07:53:54

I do understand that some people do use this term (if both parties are are okay with it as some PP have said).

But DB looked so proud and had that ''I'll do you a favour'' look as if it was a massive favour to look after his own kids. This is the kind of use I'm on about, gives me the rage as well angry

DaftJelly Wed 11-Jan-17 07:55:17

Dh and I say it to take the piss.

We also say 'I've done the washing up FOR YOU' and similar.

I cringe whenever anyone says it seriously.

heppi Wed 11-Jan-17 07:59:02

DH and I have a very equal relationship and neither of us have ever used the phrase. If one of us wants to go out the conversation usually goes like this.

A: Anything happening on the 18th?
B: Don't think so, why?
A: I'd like to go out for x/y/z
B: Ok, sure

Completely interchangeable as to who's asking. It's understood that one of us has to be there, but there isn't any assumption about who that is.

HelenaGWells Wed 11-Jan-17 08:02:28

You will prob find that in relationships where the childcare is equally shared, women do not mind how this is expressed but if a partner is not pulling their weight and then starts talking about 'babysitting' as if it is a favour not a given, it is irritating.It is afterall just saying that one of you will sit with the babies whilst the other goes out.

This

KayTee87 Wed 11-Jan-17 08:04:53

Yanbu - did you say something? If my db had said this in front of me I'd have made a comment.

Gowgirl Wed 11-Jan-17 08:05:17

We go with"tag your it!" While escaping out the door cackling.....

formerbabe Wed 11-Jan-17 08:05:49

It is also like a man being referred to as a "hands on dad". I've never heard a woman being described as a "hands on mum". It's complete sexism.

ailPartout Wed 11-Jan-17 08:10:48

DH and I use it without a hint of sarcasm. It means no more than 'look after the children'.

You will prob find that in relationships where the childcare is equally shared, women do not mind how this is expressed but if a partner is not pulling their weight and then starts talking about 'babysitting' as if it is a favour not a given, it is irritating

Exactly!

Childcare isn't equal in our family but is fair. DH only works 4 days a week so actually has more time with the children than I do. Evening or weekend 'babysitting' is equal as we rarely do anything apart at the weekend.

User1234567891011 Wed 11-Jan-17 08:11:08

KayTee

I said ''Make sure you pay him SIL, you can't expect him to babysit his own kids for free.'' Really sarcastically.

My mum gave me the death stare (I've a reputation in my family of being the blunt one with no filter for these type of things) For example: One of my brothers complains about not being able to go out drinking while he has his time with his kids after a split (obviously hinting to DM to babysit - which he does everytime he has them) and I just say ''Aww, that's a shame, you'll have to spend time with your kids then''. grin

GunnyHighway Wed 11-Jan-17 08:18:27

I remember my oh going out shopping while I was on leave. Took the kids to the bus stop for school and got asked "are you babysitting today then?"

So I relied "No, just looking after my children"

Although what's in a name? Did she get to go out? Did he look after the children?

ailPartout Wed 11-Jan-17 08:18:43

It is also like a man being referred to as a "hands on dad". I've never heard a woman being described as a "hands on mum". It's complete sexism.

It's because men are still much more likely to be the career 'ones' and major earners in a family. After my maternity leave but the children were young, I found it hard to be a hands on Mum: energy and time restraints. After 60 hour weeks, I also felt like I needed half of Saturday to recharge. I felt like the acknowledgement I was managing to be a hands-on Mum despite working my arse off at an important time in my career would have been lovely.

It absolutely isn't sexism but a reflection on the roles that men and women tend to play.

Butterymuffin Wed 11-Jan-17 08:23:51

It absolutely isn't sexism but a reflection on the roles that men and women tend to play.

It absolutely is sexism. For exactly the reason above.

Trifleorbust Wed 11-Jan-17 08:30:54

formerbabe:

This!

My DH's auntie came to see us at the weekend. Lovely woman. But after the baby had been rocked and held by me for 4 hours, my DH changed a nappy and his auntie said what you just said! I nearly blew up. angry

woman12345 Wed 11-Jan-17 08:31:01

And 'help' rather than 'share' housework.hmm

ofudginghell Wed 11-Jan-17 08:31:08

Amongst our families the men tend to say they'll be in charge if we say we are going out grinwink

The standing joke is that as soon as the ladies walk out the door the kids run riot lol

ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay Wed 11-Jan-17 08:33:34

Yanbu. I often hear it in relation to families where there is a sahm and a FT working dad. I am a sahm and I have worked FT in the past and I know that being a sahm is harder. The hours are longer and there is no respite. My dh used to refer to a Saturday afternoon with the kids so I could have a break as him "babysitting". I soon knocked hat out of him. They are his bloody kids too! 50/50.

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