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Ex stopping child maintenance while he takes children on holiday.

(168 Posts)
Fragglewump Wed 11-Jan-17 07:27:16

My ex husband texted me to say that it makes sense to only pay half his child maintenance to me in August as he is taking the children away for 2 weeks so will have them with 'all the costs involved'. I told him that seeing as he has never contributed a single penny towards a school trip/residential or the times I take the children on holiday why should I pay for his holiday. He is 'gobsmacked' by my response.

HardofCleaning Wed 11-Jan-17 07:28:34

Presumably you still have to pay your rent/mortgage while the kids are away? Or does your landlord/bank let you off if you assure them the kids won't be there for 2 weeks?

neonrainbow Wed 11-Jan-17 07:29:09

That's correct though isn't it? Maintenance is reduced based on the number of nights they spend with the nrp? Not sure the way he's going about it is correct but the theory is.

SillySongsWithLarry Wed 11-Jan-17 07:31:25

ExH does the same for me in August. The first year I was angry especially as it is the time of year I need the money for school uniforms and it left me short. Now I plan and budget for it and buy uniforms in June / July. My maintenance is based on zero overnights so it is right that he keeps the money when he has them for a block of time.

Silverdream Wed 11-Jan-17 07:32:14

I think he has to pay for them continually because it goes towards rent/mortgage of the property they live in. It also accumulates to go towards cost of clothing and reasonable activities etc. The maintenance doesn't just cover food and fuel to run them about.
I can see how he got the idea but he hasn't thought it through logically.

AragornsManlyStubble Wed 11-Jan-17 07:32:41

I'd agree the theory is correct but it only works over the long term if this was a permanent arrangement. Since it isn't then I'd agree the full amount needs to be paid. The holiday is an extra he is paying for and choosing to take them. It doesn't cancel out the maintenance. If he can't afford both then he doesn't take them. Holiday is a treat, you keep them fed and clothed with that money. My ex takes our 3 away and still pays the full amount.

Fragglewump Wed 11-Jan-17 07:33:31

My view is that food is the only money I won't spend - I will still be paying for mortgage, council tax, electricity, gas, water, sewage, their phone bills etc etc. It's just annoyed me that he is so money focussed. He won't even take his son for a haircut because he pays me maintenance to cover their costs. And he has made my son by his own ice cream on a family day out.

missyB1 Wed 11-Jan-17 07:34:11

The maintenance is supposed to cover not just food but the costs involved in housing your children too, so the rent / mortgage and utility bills still have to be paid when they are on holiday with him. Point that out!

AragornsManlyStubble Wed 11-Jan-17 07:34:51

Though tbf he has given you plenty of notice to budget.

TenaciousOne Wed 11-Jan-17 07:37:17

Yes it's reduced by the number of overnights but not normally by a whole month even if you have them for the whole month. You can check the CSA calculator and it should be spread out over the year not in one payment.

Fragglewump Wed 11-Jan-17 07:38:36

His message said 'thanks for ruining the good mood after booking a holiday and getting all excited'
He already reduces his maintenance by a percentage to take account of the days he has them overnight and then reduces it again because he has another child with his new wife.

hesterton Wed 11-Jan-17 07:38:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BadKnee Wed 11-Jan-17 07:39:34

I thought it was the way things were calculated. Not saying it is right though.

He is paying for the holiday which if you had to pay for would be expensive. The holiday is good for the children and it is important for the children to see their father. Someone has to pay so he pays or you pay or the kids don't have a holiday.

Two weeks away mean you save on childcare, you can work more hours, you are free of the "work" of having kids so there are financial upsides.

hesterton Wed 11-Jan-17 07:44:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fragglewump Wed 11-Jan-17 07:47:12

I've told him I want to see his pay slips and will refer it to the csa as he has a history of being dishonest about finances.

Inertia Wed 11-Jan-17 07:50:11

I would go through the csa, so he can't unilaterally change the payments.

EustaceClarenceScrubb Wed 11-Jan-17 07:50:22

Two weeks away mean you save on childcare, you can work more hours,

But maybe the OP does not have childcare costs, and maybe she does not have the sort of job where you can increase your hours for just two weeks, so there may not be any financial benefits.

TheNaze73 Wed 11-Jan-17 07:50:41

Can see both sides here however, he should have discussed it, before booking the holiday

NewNNfor2017 Wed 11-Jan-17 07:52:22

You can't demand to see him payslips even if he is an arse.

Refer it to CMS - get him assessed and if he doesn't pay, refer it back to them for enforcement.

Don't get emotionally involved - treat it like a business transaction and deal with it accordingly.

RedHelenB Wed 11-Jan-17 07:54:53

The csa rules dont allow a reduction for a holiday so say NO!

Fragglewump Wed 11-Jan-17 07:56:02

Thanks for the replies - I think it irritated more than it would have if I a: trusted him to do the right thing financially or
b: trusted him to be acting in the children's best interests.
He's only taking them on holiday because the children got desperately upset last year.
He took his new son abroad twice and left the other 2 behind - normally they take it in their stride but emotionally they couldn't handle the rejection/disappointment.
He's always done it - before the new baby was born he went swimming with dolphins and then on a safari with his girlfriend and made our children watch the videos.

Inertia Wed 11-Jan-17 08:00:49

In that case, he sounds either thoughtless to the point of stupidity, or cruel and vindictive . Or perhaps both.

Fidelia Wed 11-Jan-17 08:01:26

Ha, My Ex tried this. I has to explain that the days he has them (incl holidays) are put pro-rata across the year, and the weekly amount calculated using that. He didn't like it, claimed not to understand it, so I had to literally show him how it's worked out. He has an economics degree hmm

If the holiday days are already included in the CMS calculation, then he doesn't get to hold back the money. If they're not, then he needs to add them to the number of nights he has the dc, and see if it changes the calculation, and give you that amount each week. But he doesn't get to just not pay you in the holidays

Socksey Wed 11-Jan-17 08:04:29

And to whoever thinks you don't pay childcare when kids are away.... yes you do.... the childcare facilities still need to pay staff etc it's in most contracts.... unless you have a different arrangement

Trifleorbust Wed 11-Jan-17 08:05:14


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