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To not tell my mil that most of the food she buys us goes to local food bank?

(61 Posts)
Nameforsaken Tue 10-Jan-17 23:29:20

When she visits, once every coupls months she brings lots of treats & snacks for the dc, me & dh. Mainly biscuity/chocolate type stuff. But also stuff we don't like the kids having like fruitshoot.

We obviously don't mind dc having treats but she bring us loads! And if they're in the house they get eaten so I find it best to give most to the local food bank.
I have asked her many a times in the past not to but it falls on deaf ears, so this seems to be the solition I've come up with.
What do you think?

DJBaggySmalls Tue 10-Jan-17 23:30:33

I think thats a good way to keep both of you happy.

Gingernaut Tue 10-Jan-17 23:33:47

Nope. Not unreasonable. At least it's not being thrown away.

CheshireChat Tue 10-Jan-17 23:33:53

Is this causing her any financial hardship? Then yes, you need to persuade her to stop.
If no, then think how many struggling people are going to be happy they also get some treats.

Nameforsaken Tue 10-Jan-17 23:34:05

Good. I've been wondering whether to tell her what I do, hoping she'd then stop buying but I worry that it might upset her

Nameforsaken Tue 10-Jan-17 23:35:32

No it's not cheshire she just thinks she's doing us a favour.
Funny thing is, when I offer her a biscuit that she has brought round she refuses as she's watching what she eats! But she's happy to pile us with crap!

krustykittens Tue 10-Jan-17 23:36:33

She is showing love by feeding you!

PickledCauliflower Tue 10-Jan-17 23:36:41

If you think she can't afford it, I would try and hint that she is being over generous - even though it is appreciated.
If she can afford I would carry on as you are.

Nameforsaken Tue 10-Jan-17 23:43:05

I'll carry on then.
I've hinted/asked/told/been pa about it to make me feel better but none of it has worked.

Nameforsaken Tue 10-Jan-17 23:43:30

Yes krusty she is a feeder

PickledCauliflower Tue 10-Jan-17 23:45:05

My husbands elderly aunt is a bit of a health freak. She tries every new diet - fad ones as well as the sensible ones out there. Lovely aunt often mentions that she is watching her figure etc..
BUT.. every time we or husband visits, we get bags of biscuits and cakes. My husband works for the NHS so he ends up taking them in to work for anyone who is allowed to eat them..
I think she is from the generation of those that did without, so giving treats like this is a luxury and a an example of showing love. It's sounds like a massive contradiction, as she is constantly counting calories for herself. I think she is a huge giver who cannot give up giving...

Nameforsaken Tue 10-Jan-17 23:50:12

Sounds like mil pickled

CheshireChat Tue 10-Jan-17 23:51:35

I'd carry on in that case, no point in upsetting her.

And someone is benefiting so it's a win-win.

Wdigin2this Tue 10-Jan-17 23:56:26

You could tell her you don't want the DC eating too much sweet stuff, so could she bring fruit instead. If she brings far too much (she probably will) turn it into some kind of healthy pudding.....i.e. Stewed fruit with yoghurt!

PovertyPain Tue 10-Jan-17 23:56:59

Aw, she sounds lovely, op. Makes me miss my wee mil. She was diabetic and very careful about what she ate but always had junk food in her house and spoilt my nephews and niece when I brought them to visit. The children were not related to her, but she treated them like her grandkids, any way I digress. I think you're doing the best thing, by accepting her kindness and the food bank benefits. It's a win all round.

OverTheGardenGate Wed 11-Jan-17 00:04:06

I'd probably do that as well. YANBU.

Italiangreyhound Wed 11-Jan-17 00:05:29

If she can afford it, it's fine.

If you told her, I expect she would feel very unhappy.

I would continue to remind her you don't want too many things, maybe make it clearer, open the bag take out one or two items and say how great and then say something like, 'Oh Mil this is too much!' when you see the rest. But then again I think she is doing it because she likes doing it and telling her you would make her feel very bad.

User1234567891011 Wed 11-Jan-17 00:09:41

Whenever I wonder if I should tell someone about something I always think of the conversation I would have with them now, or the conversation six months down the line when I am caught having known, or done something and not told that person - I usually find its easier to have the conversation now rather than later.

Hope this helps.

dowhatnow Wed 11-Jan-17 00:14:05

Take a few bits then insist she takes the rest back.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Wed 11-Jan-17 00:41:23

If you've tried all other avenues, and she's just not listening, and she can afford it then carry on.

Some people just can't help themselves, they see it as a sign of love, so have to do it. You're just spreading the love to a wider audience! grin

CakesRUs Wed 11-Jan-17 00:45:01

It's coming from a good place, by the sounds of it, grandma's (generalisation alert) do treat their GC and not think about the big picture. Food bank and not telling her is what I'd do.

5OBalesofHay Wed 11-Jan-17 00:47:32

If you wouldn't eat it or give it to your children because its unhealthy then bin it rather than expect poor people to feed it to their children

VimFuego101 Wed 11-Jan-17 00:51:02

If she won't stop giving it to you, then YANBU.

sandgrown Wed 11-Jan-17 00:57:51

50 bales. Why would you throw perfectly good food away when it could be a treat for some people who use the food banks? They will not be able to afford these treats regularly so hardly likely to ruin their health!

GruochMacAlpin Wed 11-Jan-17 00:59:56

For years I have tried to get my (very kind) MIL to cut down the sweets she bought (two family bags of haribo for two children every week) to no avail so started taking them to the food bank without saying anything.

However the Easter Eggs were getting ridiculous - two years ago the PIL bought each child 12 eggs. So 24 eggs just from the PILs.

They also had eggs from my DPs, their Godparents and cousins.

My MIL said cheerfully "you'll be throwing lots of these away in July"

I said "nope, most of them will be going to the food bank next week".

She was completely horrified. Somehow having eggs sitting in the cupboard for 7 months was fine in her mind but giving them away immediately made her purchase wasteful.

She said "but the children will be upset" to which I responded that it was their idea.

Last year the children got one egg each. grin

Haribo levels have also decreased.

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