Unreasonable to mother in law?
This has been bugging me for a week now. I am due to start maternity leave in 4 weeks. I have a 2 year old son who goes to nursery 2 days per week and 1 day a week he either goes to my mum and dad or my mother in law, they share that 1 other day between them, so basically have him twice a month for a whole Thursday it works out. Both sets of parents are retired.
Me and my partner are lucky to be able to keep my son in nursery, we didn't want to take him out whilst I was on maternity leave because it's a great nursery that he gains so much from and it's really good for him. So we've managed to afford for him to go two days still. I think that will be good for him and it will also give me a break with the new baby.
Now my mum and dad are aware that as I am on maternity leave that the Thursdays that my son goes to either them or my mother in law won't be set in stone as I'm not at work and there isn't a need for me to drop him off at either of their houses every single Thursday. But I've spoke to my mum just in passing and have said that of course there can be weeks where either can have him on the Thursday, but it won't be twice a month (each) like it is at the minute, otherwise I'll be shipping him off every Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. Plus I don't need to be tied to that arrangement whilst I'm not working for a year and they are family who will see us regularly anyway.
Mother in law made the assumption that she would still be having him every other Thursday, and I very politely just said that it probably won't be the same routine with the Thursdays as I will be off work for 12 months, but of course there will be times that her and my parents can have my son for a few hours or the day even during the week, plus we see them nearly every weekend for the majority of the Sunday. She was very taken a back. She has since mentioned it to my hubby and said she has got herself into a routine now and would prefer to stick to it. She doesn't bloody work, hasn't for years! So I don't see the bloody issue and impact. Now she's making comments such as 'nanna isn't going to have u for much longer' blah blah blah. There have been a few comments kike it. Quite irritating now and I think she's being unfair. Of course i won't need to have childcare every week when I'm not at work. My parents? Not a peep about it. Are the honest and upfront about their feelings, absolutely.
Is it me or does she need to drop it?
AIBU?
Unreasonable to mother in law?
Newtothisshiz · 10/01/2017 19:52
This reply has been deleted
Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.
"You have four days at home playing happy families"
It is the OP's family. She's not playing at anything.
OP if your MIL had said nicely but honestly that she would really miss doing the grandparent duties and would love to see more of him, I'd say you should think about it. But all this passive aggressive "nanny's not going to see you much longer" stuff is awful. Do whatever you want. Maternity leave is time you never get back. There will be weeks where you really want a break and will bite her hand off when she offers to take him, and weeks when you want to spend time with him. So tell her you don't want to make definite arrangements any more but will try to arrange other visits - I think that's what you're saying anyway. Then she still gets to see him but you're not bound to a routine that you don't want.
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