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MN spoke, I didnt send the expected Xmas Money and now I'm a..... (NC Yay or Nay)

(107 Posts)
Backt0Black Tue 10-Jan-17 18:33:20

TOFFEE NOSED COW WHO SHOULDN'T FORGET WHERE SHE CAME FROM!!!! blush wink

Following on from my thread pre Christmas which a lot of you were lovely enough to comment on and return to seek updates.. (posted from DH's account hence diff name)

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2802763-To-stop-sending-money-to-ungrateful-brats?pg=12

So - very possibly massively identifying but really past giving a toss now.

Update is ...was having 30 week scan yesterday and in the waiting room was subjected to a barrage of messages on my being this snotty nosed cow who needs to remember where she came from....AND..... DH 'needn't worry as I will soon send him back to where he came from' (he is mixed race... uncertain if DB was celever enough to make that joke??) WOW. I was reprimanded by DH for laughing too loudly at 'd' bros tantrum

So apparently this particular 'd'Bro is finished with me after 'all he has done for me' let me run you through the list.

- manipulated me into giving him cash on several occasions claiming it was 'for nappies' 'for school trips' .... it was for drugs
- took 7k from me to settle a drug debt from some really nasty types
- brought these types to my door looking for him when I lived alone (oh yes, I have lovely memories of 'where I came from')
- on release from jail lived in my house, in the master bedroom! with ensuite, walk in wardrobe and balcony like Lord of the bloody manor RENT FREE
- ate food I bought FOR FREE
- wore the clothes I bought him FOR FREE
- brought his GF round 'to clean' (I never asked??) while I was out. More like shag her all over the house..... found her underwear everywhere.. behind MY headboard, down the side of sofa etc! (surely just do it in your room or at her house?)
-said girlfriend started leaving toiletries in main bathroom like Lady of the Manor(DB's ensuite not good enough?) oh and fag ends in the loo where she'd clearly been smoking in the bath (lovely)
-brought drug-friends (sorry for this term to anyone actually seriously trying to tackle a substance issue) to where we live. this was the ONLY condition of his being allowed to stay. That he use the time to sort himself out and not bring that life to my door!
- either he / drug friends stole or aided in the theft of my company car!!!!! claims no involvement, amazing coincidence, given no through road, one way in / out, around half a mile of a public road in a tiny community of 5 properties. Hardly opportunist.
- let the dogs out for a wee while doing all of the above. AH - I SEE IT NOW, I'M IN THE WRONG AND SHOULD REALLY TAKE A LOOK AT MYSELF.

So - my question MN'ers..... can I now just go completely NC? Clearly DB had major life issues and needs help, but I feel like I've come to the end of the line, and really have little left to give. ... and I wonder while I'm around will he never sort himself, always thinking he can fall back on me?

He has also very recently block deleted all facebook activity for the last 12 months (didnt know that was a thing!) so clearly theres something in the offing and he doesnt want police to see.

Well - that was a readathon, but I hate a dangler / dripper!

WonderMike Tue 10-Jan-17 18:36:12

So he's finished with you after all he's done for you?

Oh dear.

I'd leave him to it, to be honest grin

Backt0Black Tue 10-Jan-17 18:38:09

I mean..... he did do a LOT ... just all of it was pretty shit hahahahaha!!!!!

Soubriquet Tue 10-Jan-17 18:40:12

Sounds like you are going to be so much better off without him

MrsBlennerhassett Tue 10-Jan-17 18:45:44

Yes. Deffo go NC it sounds like he is using you massively both for money and for someone he can be angry at so he doesnt have to take responsibility for himself. He needs to face the consequences of is behaviour. Speaking to someone like he has spoken to you results inn no contact from them. He wont change if he doesnt face the natural consequences of his actions. I do feel sorry for his kids but hopefully if you go NC it may hit home and encourage him to change his ways. Good luck xx

Inertia Tue 10-Jan-17 18:47:01

I would have cut contact many years ago.

You don't need permission from anyone -not us, certainly not your brother - to cut someone this dangerous our of your life.

MissVictoria Tue 10-Jan-17 18:47:28

Invoice him for rent and basic bills for stuff he used when he stayed with you, include the 7k of stolen money too. Then tell him after everything YOU have done for HIM (let alone keep him out of jail for theft!) That until he pays back or arranges to start paying back the massive amount of money you have spent on him, you don't want contact. Of course he won't pay any of it back, but it gives him no comeback as he clearly owes you.

CherryChasingDotMuncher Tue 10-Jan-17 18:47:32

Thanks for the update OP I've thought about you and the ungrateful brats a few times!

Good riddance to bad rubbish

OliviaStabler Tue 10-Jan-17 18:49:48

Complete NC. You don't need that in your life.

TaliZorahVasNormandy Tue 10-Jan-17 18:49:50

Fuck him. Go NC and let him find poor soul to leach from.

user1471452804 Tue 10-Jan-17 18:50:10

You have done too much already, I have same druggie, now in prison, entirely their fault total NC - I am moving so they cannot trace us easily

Backt0Black Tue 10-Jan-17 18:52:51

MrsBlennerhassett .....if that's a Withnail ref I doff my cap!

Thanks everyone, it's like he has total blindness to the utter shit he causes in any life he enters into. He is genuinely serious when he says I should be grateful for 'all the pet care'!?!?!?!? and that I'm quick to forget it confused

Is it really such a huge thing to open a door to let a dog out for a pee that it overshadows his list of 'highlights' ....and those really are just highlights!

hanban89 Tue 10-Jan-17 18:54:22

Did he strop because you didn't give him the xmas money?
Leave him to it OP. I'm sure it won't be too long before you hear from him.
But with baba coming I don't think I would want this sort of behaviour around tbh.

happypoobum Tue 10-Jan-17 18:55:27

Be grateful he wants to go NC grin

I know it's stressful to face but he will never be the brother you want him to be and once this has settled down you will be far happier without him in your life.

Focus on your baby.

I hate to say this, but given how aggressive he is being, I would keep a copy of the texts, just in case he gets really nasty nastier

TheWitTank Tue 10-Jan-17 18:57:43

I hope you sent back a few hallelujah emojis and happy/laugh faces. Twats. NC away!

MrsBlennerhassett Tue 10-Jan-17 19:01:20

Haha it is indeed! Congrats on your baby! you dont need people like your 'D'B giving you stress when you are 30 weeks gone. NC will probably be a blessing for you! xx

BringMeTea Tue 10-Jan-17 19:02:19

Oh poor you. Seriously well done on not being the cash cow. I think with a new baby coming this is the perfect opportunity to cut him right out of your life.

PS I am however nosey enough to want to know how the realization of 'wot no cash?' went down... grin and flowers

throwingpebbles Tue 10-Jan-17 19:02:51

Block them all and move on flowers

MummysMaison Tue 10-Jan-17 19:02:51

NC all the way.

I hope your 30 week check went well. Enjoy your new baby OP xx

Memoires Tue 10-Jan-17 19:05:17

NC sounds good. I expect you'll manage without all his help.... grin

How do you feel?

MooPointCowsOpinion Tue 10-Jan-17 19:06:27

I bet the kids didn't see any of that money.

Definitely go NC, without a backwards glance. If you can orchestrate a way to still see your nieces/nephews, you could be a great support for them, but not over your own sanity.

HappyFlappy Tue 10-Jan-17 19:07:23

Thank your lucky stars that he has cut you off. (Though I am sure he will be back when it suits him - don't help him out again.).

You will have a new baby and can do without the stress (and you don't want thugs threatening or frightening your family).

Muppetslikecoco Tue 10-Jan-17 19:07:36

I'm also betting the kids have never seen the money. Going NC will be the best thing he's ever done for you.

Fluffyears Tue 10-Jan-17 19:08:03

Well done not giving in.

OnTheUp13 Tue 10-Jan-17 19:09:20

I think you are being hugely unreasonable as he sounds pretty entertaining in a sad way.

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