Would be really grateful for a bit of perspective here... blinded by how angry I feel...
In brief; Had DD in Feb, I'm a lone parent and my Mum plays a big part in raising DD with me, it works really well, we love it/her.
I bought my mum a house in 07 and support her fully financially (all bills, car, holidays plus an allowance, nice lifestyle after grafting for 13 years on my businesses - she chooses to keep a little job for the social aspect.) happily so, because I respect her and want the world and more for my selfless and kind Mum who just blows me away really at how much of an amazing woman she is. That's how we were raised and I believe it starts and ends with family...
My brother 31, lives at home (in my opinion is in a rut with no direction which is due to too much partying - he still financially relys on my Mum which I struggle with as i don't provide what I do for my mum for him to take advantage but I keep my opinion to myself now. Over the last year he's refused to speak to me - I have to hold my hands up that I really gave it him straight - when he turned up out of it on drink and drugs at our place in wales while I was pregnant after I asked him not to have that around me.- in the time we've had the no contact I have thought about how it must feel if he is struggling to find his way and have his sister who has a strong career and properties etc point out his faults. I'm certainly no angel so felt a bit like I was being judgmental - we are now just cordial which is a bloody shame as we're joined at the hip before.
Since the birth of DD I've been suffering with health complications, a few scary episodes where I've fainted while alone with DD and recently diagnosed with PND too - so have been spending a bit more time at my mums house for the support and she's happy with that, doors always open... the problem is I also am an incredibly light sleeper and one of the symptoms of PND is struggling to sleep despite being exhausted. There is a small box room which is a bit of a junk room with a really low single bed and thin curtains with a street lamp outside the window which I've tried to sleep in on many occasions (Mum will have collected DD from my cousins who has her two afternoons a week and got into bed with DD - but she has a little job that starts at 6am so I hop into her bed then with DD and take over.)
My mum has offered me her bed, but I'm not comfortable taking my mums bed - she's 58, never stops running around and it's just not right.. so I've ended up staying at my house then at 5am driving to mums to get into her bed when she wakes... this means when I get the chance to have a good sleep and early night (when DD goes to bed with Mum) I'm wasting it by driving at silly o clock and still having broken sleep.
My brother left for London 3 days ago to work on a 5 month job, he's now not paying his £30/wk board (imagine!!) to my mum and has mentioned trying to make it work and live there permanently....
DD is 11 months and crawling now and needs a cot for safety too - I spoke to my mum and my understanding of the conversation was that me and DD could move into my brothers room, get setup, get the cot, have spare things there and while we get through this tricky patch there's a bit more of a convenient and comfortable place to come and go as we please..
Yesterday I spent the day getting everything together, really excited about it, turned up and made us a nice meal and got Mum a card thanking her for being ace etc but then she said that my brother "might" come home at weekends, he's only working away, he's not moved and whenever he's back will need his room... it's full of his stuff he's made no effort at all for us to be sharing the space.. so I asked where would DDs cot go and didn't get a straight answer, she just said "well where would it fit in your brothers room anyway?"
I felt so angry and hurt! I feel like as a family me and my mum are team players, my brother treats the house like a student house, couldn't my mum just ask him to temporarily go out of his way and sleep in the smaller room while he's based in London and just give us a bit of respite while things are difficult? Is that too much to ask? How can she happily accept all the things I do for her yet be kind to how much I need this right now, when I'm struggling to cope, and what is it with her that she can't seem to do this simple thing???
Why does this feel like a big deal to me? I feel that mums taken me for granted and just pissed off but hurt... and confused?!?!
But I've my own big house with plenty of rooms and maybe I'm being totally selfish here???
:(
Sorry this is so LONG!! I've totally rambled...
In suspense to see what OPs have to say if you don't mind commenting!
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AIBU?
Or am I being a self-centred cow!?!
21 replies
Itsmummydear · 10/01/2017 11:27
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