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To be upset that woman referred to DD as 'she'?

(34 Posts)
dArtagnansCrumpet Tue 10-Jan-17 11:06:48

I am prepared for you all to tell me to get a grip. I have social anxiety so no idea if my radar is off..

I used to take my DC to a playgroup before one of them started nursery in September. I hated it full of groups and I was sat alone each week. My DC who has SN has not been doing full hours at nursery because he's been difficult to settle etc and has just after Christmas done his first full week of full sessions. So my youngest hasn't been to this playgroup because I've been picking my other DC up at spontaneous times. I didn't want her to miss out on social interaction so found a group I can leave her and pay to send her 3 times a week.
I've avoided playground pick up up until now but one of the women who's child is now at the same nursery as my oldest DC also went to the same playgroup and has a younger DC still at the playgtoup, hope that makes sense!

So she barely ever speaks to me, fair enough but today she was behind me and my DC held gate open for her and she said to me "so she's at a new group now is she" and rolled her eyes. I was shocked so just smiled. But now I'm thinking of it it's upsetting me she knows her name and didn't even say hello just came out with it. I didn't have my youngest with me at the time.

I saw another woman who goes to the playgroup and told her about my youngest DC and why we weren't going to the other group anymore so she's obviously gone back and told other people.

Aibu? sad

MrsSpenserGregson Tue 10-Jan-17 11:08:37

Yes - YABU (I say this gently). She probably forgot your daughter's name!

Parents talk about kids in this manner all the time, ime. It means nothing. Don't take it personally.

MichaelSheensNextDW Tue 10-Jan-17 11:10:14

The arrangements you make for your family members are no one else's business. In the nicest possible way - you need to learn not to give a shit flowers

Allthewaves Tue 10-Jan-17 11:10:39

she probably doesn't know her name. Did she roll her eyes or could you be over reading the situation?

HardofCleaning Tue 10-Jan-17 11:11:23

I think it was probably the woman's whole attitude that threw you rather than the "she". Rolling her eyes is rude and it seems like a very odd reaction to your DD moving groups.

Whosthemummynow Tue 10-Jan-17 11:11:25

Yup sorry. YABU

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies Tue 10-Jan-17 11:11:30

She probably didn't remember your DD's name. It sounds a normal, fairly neutral comment to me. Don't even think about it - it's a non-incident. I would say YABU, but you sound very fraught, and I think everyone has a right to be unreasonable at times.

BarbarianMum Tue 10-Jan-17 11:12:47

I won't tell you to get a grip but I will suggest you don't waste any more time worrying about a throwaway sentence from a virtual stranger

SantinoRice Tue 10-Jan-17 11:13:43

I think you might be reading a lot into this. No one can be expected to remember the names of all the kids at a playgroup, especially one of the kids that doesn't go there anymore. I certainly wouldn't be able to manage that.

And as for the woman who told people you'd switched playgroups - the conversation was probably something like "haven't seen x for a while, have you?" "oh yeh, she switched groups because blah blah blah". It was very likely nothing to get upset about.

But well done on getting out and attending these things. I hated every baby group ever. I was always on my own too! I did it for DD but am so glad I don't have to now she's at school.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Tue 10-Jan-17 11:13:47

The bit that's getting me is the fact that your DC held the gate open and she never even said Thank you!!!!!!!!!
And rolling her eyes. WTF was that all about.

PotteringAlong Tue 10-Jan-17 11:13:54

Yes, completely.

IWantATardis Tue 10-Jan-17 11:14:11

She may have forgotten your DDs name. Sometimes I have to have a bit of a think before I remember the names of children I don't know very well.

And she may have assumed your DD was at another playgroup because she's not been at the first playgroup for a while and wasn't with you today, rather than because other parents have been gossiping behind your back.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Tue 10-Jan-17 11:15:00

I don't think she meant any harm tbh. I just referred to the woman as "she" because I don't know her name.

Also, she won't know why you have avoided pick ups and sat on your own at groups. She is possibly treating you in the same way you appear to treat others?

(Fellow anxiety sufferer - I do know it's hard, even with the medication)

Purplebluebird Tue 10-Jan-17 11:15:43

Yabu, I say "she" often, because I wasn't aware it was rude (not English, and in my language it's not considered rude).

She probably have forgotten your daughter's name, though I'd be annoyed at her rolling her eyes tbh! I would try to not think too much about it.

Newtssuitcase Tue 10-Jan-17 11:17:11

Gosh I must offend people all the time. There are children that have been to school with my DC for years where I forget their names. In the nicest of ways I think you are being overly sensitive.

dArtagnansCrumpet Tue 10-Jan-17 11:17:13

I know I shouldn't give a toss but can't help it.

My dh said just to ignore them but I don't like the thought of someone talking about me, probably because it happens a lot with my eldest and I'm paranoid!

user1470997562 Tue 10-Jan-17 11:18:12

Just ignore it and carry on. Whatever she meant it doesn't matter. What you do is your business. I suspect is was a clumsy attempt at being friendly. You did the right thing - smiled and went about your business.

Cakeycakecake Tue 10-Jan-17 11:19:51

My first day at work I remember someone asked me something and I simply replied 'oh ask her. I don't know, sorry'
I'd forgotten the lady's name. She snapped at me so hard 'I have a name and it is not HER'
I've never felt so embarrassed in my life.
Op, for that particular moment she may have simply had a brain freeze and forgotten the name.
Don't get me wrong I'm not saying she's pleasant...

SantinoRice Tue 10-Jan-17 11:19:55

Yep, you did the right thing. And really, I really don't think they were bitching about you. It will have just been idle chit chat. "x switched baby groups" would have to be the most boring bitching ever smile

Awwlookatmybabyspider Tue 10-Jan-17 11:20:08

Op with much respect to you, but you're not that important to be the main topic of conversation. No one is.

ConvincingLiar Tue 10-Jan-17 11:22:26

It sounds like nothing to worry about.

dArtagnansCrumpet Tue 10-Jan-17 11:23:44

Thanks everyone.

She did definitely roll her eyes. My dh has sometimes been picking up DC with me so why could she not think he had her? Seems a bit odd she presumed she'd gone to another group I think the other woman definitely told her. Argh.

Backt0Black Tue 10-Jan-17 11:23:51

reading far, far too much into OP and will not do you any good to replay the minutiae of this exchange. There's really very little to replay and for you to get so heat up about it can't be good for your DD to see?

waterrat Tue 10-Jan-17 11:24:31

You know what is helpful OP - try to imagine this from a different point of view. Can you practice going through the scenario in your mind but assuming the best? So assume the woman was tired/ busy/ distracted/ not thinking directly about your daughter or you - and was unintentionally rude - and that she didn't actually roll her eyes at all.

I think it is more likely that the woman didn't mean to be rude - really, most people are just getting on with their lives not having any thoughts about other peoples kids. SHe was making polite chit chat about you and your kids, it didn't matter really.

Have you thought about having some sort of CBT? It can help with this sort of situation.

dArtagnansCrumpet Tue 10-Jan-17 11:31:00

Yes I'm having low intensity cbt but it's not working so I am on the waiting list for high intensity!

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