And is it the sort of thing it'd be Ok to get counselling for? I've had the "others have dealt with much worse" mentality for so long I'm feeling very confused. Sorry for the long post.
I'd use chat rooms as a child and would frequently give out an msn address. From the age of about 12, people would add me (typically men aged between 19 and 45) and they would befriend me, flatter me (tell me I was cool, pretty etc) and ask me if their friends could add me, to which I'd always agree as I had very low self esteem and thought I'd make more friends. They would ask me to perform sexual acts on myself on webcam, and I wanted to keep my new friends so did this. I remember once I said no, and he told me he knew what school I was at and would send pictures of me doing things there if I didn't. This happened countless times. I did eventually block all these people, but then from age 15 would date men up to about 8 years older than myself where sexual activity took place. They would provide me alcohol, drugs etc.
I'd pushed this all to the back of my mind until very recently, when I've started to change my way of seeing things. I used to think I was just "easy". But now I'm starting to think I may have not have been in the wrong here. My wonderful parents know nothing of it all, I was very secretive. I'm mid twenties now and have only mentioned or made jokes about it with close friends. I've got an anxiety disorder and didn't even speak to the therapist about this and signed out of her care.
I just don't understand really, part of me screams yes this is abuse, the other parts telling me how much of a tart I was and knew what I was doing.
I could just do with an outside perspective.
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AIBU?
To want outside opinions - was I abused?
6 replies
WoopityBoopity2 · 09/01/2017 23:27
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