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telling my friend she comes across as rude in text messages

(73 Posts)
RnBee Thu 22-Feb-07 11:21:02

aarrgghh. just fallen out with my friend. She is having a dinner party on Sat and I texted her to offer to make a tiramisu for dessert (which she knows takes ages). At the moment I am so busy I don't know what to do with myself. DS2 is sick, I am moving in a few weeks and trying to renovate the new house. Plus have autsitic DS1 and a play opening in April that I have millions of lines to learn by the weekend.

However I am happy to help her by making dessert as she isn't really into cooking and she is making dinner for us and another couple.

Anyway her response to my offer was 'If you like. Can I borrow you rice cooker'

Tbh I was really taken aback. The least I expected was 'Thanks, that's really kind, I know how much you have on' or 'Thanks, but don't worry I have it sorted' or something.

I'm fed up of making nice suggestions like 'would you like to come round for dinner, I can pick you up' and getting 'ok' as a reply.

So I texted her back and said sometimes she can be rude in texts, even though I'm sure she doesnt mean to be. She is really upset and has cancelled the dinner party . She thinks I misinterpret. Maybe i do?

RnBee Thu 22-Feb-07 11:21:56

that should be your rice cooker

scatterbrain Thu 22-Feb-07 11:24:19

Possibly !!! My dh is very short and curt in texts and emails - he says it's a man vs women thing. I guess some people see text as a brief communication and others like me woffle on in them ! If she's busy or has her hands full maybe she can only manage an OK or a Yes - I know I sometimes get them off my bf and dh and although I don't like it - I feel it is better than no answer !!

Some people are just more economical with words than others !

greenday Thu 22-Feb-07 11:24:46

Maybe she was just as busy and assumed that you will understand what she meant. My best friend responds to texts and emails very rudely too but only when she's very busy, and she trusts that I know that she doesn't mean to be rude. Do you think that may be your case?

NurseyJo Thu 22-Feb-07 11:25:16

Message withdrawn

Aloha Thu 22-Feb-07 11:25:19

I think it was a huge mistake TEXTING her to say she was rude, personally. Texts aren't like conversations.

Jimjams2 Thu 22-Feb-07 11:26:16

my texts are short because I'm crap at predictive text. Yet I blather on here (can type fast if not accurately).

Mind you she's over-reacted.

ScottishThistle Thu 22-Feb-07 11:26:36

I find many people come across rude in texts, some people are just lazy or perhaps in a hurry or maybe very slow at texting.

I wouldn't be offended, perhaps you should just give her a quick call to ask questions if her text style gets to you?

In any case I'd give her a call & say sorry I'm a bit sensitive & it's been niggling at me for a while & I'm upto my neck at the moment!

littlelapin Thu 22-Feb-07 11:27:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

edam Thu 22-Feb-07 11:27:13

Agree with Aloha. Texts aren't phone calls. I'm pretty brief with texting just because it's too much faff to send (or read) long messages. Sign of age in my case, I'm sure.

Saturn74 Thu 22-Feb-07 11:27:32

Aren't texts supposed to be brief and to the point?
I think you should perhaps have telephoned her instead to have a discussion about the dinner party - it's easy to misinterpret the tone and intention of a text.

RedLorryYellowLorry Thu 22-Feb-07 11:29:20

Sorry but I think you should have rang her not texted her. I say "if you like" meaning great but no pressure - your choice type of thing.

MynamesMikeIswimlikeafish Thu 22-Feb-07 11:29:25

Same as jimjams. I'm crap, so keep it short although do spell properly. Can't help myself.

Aloha Thu 22-Feb-07 11:30:27

Phone her up and talk to the woman! Say sorry, but you are really stressed atm with the move and all and you didn't mean to upset her. Then make a joke. You should never take a text personally. I hate the blooming things actually, because they are so ripe for misinterpretation.

DizzyDoris Thu 22-Feb-07 11:32:13

Give her a call. Texts are meant to be brief and to the point. it is silly to fall out over a text message. If you find her text rude you should have called. Texting back to tell her she is rude is a bit off. Sorry.

I said "if you like" to my friend offering to bring a pass the parcel... it was meant as in "if you'd like to then it would be really nice but please don't yourself out, its really not necessary", but limited on letters!!! I'd be really upset if sh thought it was rude n ungrateful reply

RnBee Thu 22-Feb-07 11:35:13

Hmmm...maybe I do misinterpret then. but would any of you really have replied with 'if you like'.

Aloha Thu 22-Feb-07 11:35:49

I might have done, yes.

RnBee Thu 22-Feb-07 11:37:29

mmm Rodney, I think that is exactly waht she meant.

I think it has gone too far to call her now.

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe Thu 22-Feb-07 11:37:45

agree with aloha and jimjams. If you're not good at texting then it can be an effort to text. I can't use predictive text so have to write out my texts in full, and if I have time then I will make the effort to write out a proper text, but if I don't then I reply briefly to acknowledge whatever it is I'm meant to be acknowledging.

I also think that to text her back saying she was rude was a complete overreaction, at least she did text.

MynamesMikeIswimlikeafish Thu 22-Feb-07 11:38:51

Call her.

Or text sorry several times lol!

Aloha Thu 22-Feb-07 11:39:00

No it hasn't. Call her and apologise. Say you are v stressed what the move and the play and your ds and you overreacted. If she is a friend she will accept that. Shame to let such a silly argument spoil things.

DizzyDoris Thu 22-Feb-07 11:40:46

I would have replied with 'if you like' or 'great' or 'fine. But then I have been known to reply to texts with 'ok'!

littlelapin Thu 22-Feb-07 11:42:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

greenday Thu 22-Feb-07 11:44:29

I would have replied with 'if you like'. I would usually end off with a 'thanks' but I really don't think your friend should have been shot down for failing to include that. Again, she may have been busy at that moment and chose to text you briefly rather than keep you waiting for her reply. Agree that it means 'if you like but no pressure'. Do call her ...

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