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To feel a bit crap because

(105 Posts)
AMillionMilesFromThere Mon 09-Jan-17 10:55:45

I've come for my first antenatal booking in appointment, just sat in the waiting area and can see loads of partners have come too.. don't think dh has ever been with me for any of my antenatal appointments (3rd pregnancy), because he's always busy with work and is ever practical .

I'm not sat crying over it - I just felt abit ... I dunno. Don't even know why I'm posting really ! Aibu to feel abit crap though?

NavyandWhite Mon 09-Jan-17 11:00:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Justme3 Mon 09-Jan-17 11:01:29

I went to my booking appointments and all antenatal appointments by myself (first child). DH came to all scans

CupofTeaTime Mon 09-Jan-17 11:02:40

I either used to go alone or with my DM. It really isn't necessary for partners to go to every single appointment taking time off work, don't worry, they must all be on the dole so they don't have to worry about taking time off work wink

Tissunnyupnorth Mon 09-Jan-17 11:03:26

I think DH came with me for my first booking in appointment for DD1, then only came for important bits such as scans (think x3 each pregnancy).

Same with DS1 & DD2, without the first booking scans. I didn't mind though as it would have meant him booking time off work. I suppose that's the crunch, if you mind or not. If I had asked him, he would have come along happily.

2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney Mon 09-Jan-17 11:04:56

By the time I had my third child some years ago, my midwife visited me at home. She didn't mind and it was far easier than getting to the surgery , her offer, not me asking.
So maybe this still happens and what you are seeing are first time parents who are understandably precious about their first born, are they acompanied by children?
There are so many antenatal appointments that my husband would have used up half his leave attending with me , leave I (and he) would rather he spent with me and the kids. Do you feel supported in other ways?
Lots of flowers for feeling crap.

AMillionMilesFromThere Mon 09-Jan-17 11:04:59

Ah I feel a leeeetle bit better now! grin actually cupoftea I never thought of it like that, they may very well be on the dole which is tricky especially if expecting a baby.

Maudlinmaud Mon 09-Jan-17 11:05:04

Nope dh never came with me either. I found it boring enough myself and the waiting times where hours long. He came to the scans that was it. Don't be sad op there will be many appointments.

QuitMoaning Mon 09-Jan-17 11:06:40

Mine only came to scans as well. I would have found it a bit annoying for him to be at every one.
If there had been an issue he would have come.

TheUpsideDown Mon 09-Jan-17 11:07:09

My DH came to scans but not general antenatal appointments. He said he would if I wanted him to, but it would mean time off work for each one. As he's self-employed time off meant no pay. But I didn't see the point personally. I would just tell him what happened and what was said at the appointment - which wasn't much to be honest, just boring routine stuff... a wee test, measuring of the bump, doppler, a brief chat. Nothing to write home about and nothing worth losing out on a days pay for.

LurkingQuietly Mon 09-Jan-17 11:07:54

My DH came to scans only and that was it - oh, other than waiting outside the midwife appt where I had a sweep, as I was hoping I'd go into immediate labour and wouldn't be able to drive. Fat chance.

It honestly never occurred to me to want him there. I found them all a waste of time for me, let alone him. One of his employees has gone to every single midwife appointment with his wife. Neither of us can get our heads around it.

witsender Mon 09-Jan-17 11:08:03

Dh came to scans, and where possible the late, extra appointments I had to discuss issues. Normal run of the mill ones were just me. And DC1 in some instances when pregnant with #2!

AMillionMilesFromThere Mon 09-Jan-17 11:08:28

2bee thanks for the flowers ! X I do feel supported yes, i think I'm just over emotional at the moment. If I insisted he would take the time off but I know that would be hard for him and usually I'm very self sufficient ! confused don't know what's come over me.

OohhItsNotHoxton Mon 09-Jan-17 11:08:32

I hated the odd occasion my Ex came along. It was horrible he would get overly involved due to his anything medical anxiety.

AMillionMilesFromThere Mon 09-Jan-17 11:13:52

Hmmm, I can report that all the ones with partners do not have any children with them so probably are pfb types grin

QuodPeriitPeriit Mon 09-Jan-17 11:14:16

Over 4 pregnancies I can count on one hand the number of times mine came - he was at work and they're pretty boring really, let's face it. He came to scans when his work allowed - probably about half the time. Didn't bother me at all.

hopsalong Mon 09-Jan-17 11:20:16

I'm always amazed by how many men there are for routine antenatal appointments! My husband has only been to the scans, and would never dream of asking him to book a whole afternoon of work to come and wait with me to watch a dipstick going in my urine and maybe hear the heartbeat. I find it difficult enough to take the time off myself. Also suspect they must be on dole -- or sometimes wonder more charitably if they're expecting bad news/ having problems with the pregnancy.

ovenchips Mon 09-Jan-17 11:23:06

I get what you mean when you look round the waiting room and everyone looks all coupled up and cosy, like they're having 'camera in soft focus' moments. You're there on your tod and your DH is being busy and practical-minded elsewhere. smile

The reality is there'll be a different story as to why each partner is there. Some will be dreamy partners, with very understanding bosses who let them take time off work, and who just want to be there to have the experience together. But that will be a rather small minority!

There will also be some men there who are awful and who wouldn't allow their partner to go to the appt unless they are with them, partly because they don't trust what might be revealed about them in their absence. And lots of shades in-between.

Hope your appt goes well and best of luck with everything. If you would like your DH to be there at another appt then tell him that while it's not practically necessary, you would appreciate the support. It's allowed!

rollonthesummer Mon 09-Jan-17 11:23:27

I don't think mine ever came to any! Maybe one with dc1 when I was overdue and he was off work that day for some other reason.

NavyandWhite Mon 09-Jan-17 11:24:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JennyOnAPlate Mon 09-Jan-17 11:25:02

Dh didn't come to any of my midwife appointments (although he did make it to scans). There was a particularly memorable one when I was pregnant with dd2 and had to take very lively 20 month old dd1 with me because dh couldn't get out of work.

mistermagpie Mon 09-Jan-17 11:27:02

Mine came with me to pretty much every appointment, but I always scheduled them before work and DH and I work at the same place, so we just went together because it was on the way. It might be something like that, purely based on their circumstances rather than these are really devoted dads or something!

Mine couldn't come to the NHS antenatal classes I took because they were in the middle of the day (my work gives me time off for them) and I was surprised that every single other dad was there.

Rixera Mon 09-Jan-17 11:28:29

OH didn't come to any appts and only one scan, because his crap job wouldn't allow him the time off.
Felt quite awkward, especially sitting there as a 19yr old surrounded by couples mostly at least 10yrs my senior...
But he got time off when baby was born and I valued that much more.

Megatherium Mon 09-Jan-17 11:28:54

My DH never came with me. It would have been incredibly difficult workwise, and I couldn't see any point in two of us waiting around for a relatively short appointment. He did come to scans.

aintnothinbutagstring Mon 09-Jan-17 11:30:02

My dh didn't come to midwife or booking in appointments, he may come if he had the day off but wouldn't specifically book day off to come. He did come to the scans, definitely the second ones, he may of missed one of our first scans due to work.

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