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Ex introduced my 3 year old Son to new girlfriend and her violent ex without telling me

(11 Posts)
user1483908438 Sun 08-Jan-17 20:59:51

My ex met a woman through online dating. He's been on online dating for years without success. It sounds mean but he's a bit desperate and will date pretty much anyone! As a result I've always worried about what he will end up with.

My Son kept mentioning to me that he was going places with someone called Emma (name changed). I ignored it but he said it again and I've noticed he's not sleeping well and doesn't want to go to his Dads anymore. Also noticed his Dad keeps trying to not pay maintenance anymore and won't have him in his usual days and keeps saying he feels ill so can't have him.

In the end I got a Facebook message from a man who said he was the ex of my exs new girlfriend. I was so shocked. I had no idea he had a girlfriend at all.

I rang my ex who admitted he had a girlfriend and she had met our son on several occasions. He also told me to block her ex as he was an aggressive man and the police have been involved.

It seems that his new girlfriend is a bit mixed up and while she has told my ex she no longer speaks to her ex this is clearly not true as he knows a lot of personal information about me. I have now blocked him but I'm so upset that my ex has introduce my 3 year old to a woman who seems very unstable and who has a violent and aggressive ex partner who is threatening to hurt my ex (maybe even our son too).

And the only reason I know is my son speaking about it innocently.

I would never meet a boyfriends children without his exs permission. Ever! Is it just me?

My parents have been married for all their lives so I have. I experience if the etiquette of it all. But I've been on a few dates and never would dream of introducing my son to a boyfriend unless it had been going on about a year. Maybe that's just me.

I have no idea what this woman is like. I would like to think she's nice but judging by her interactions with her ex I'm not sure she is. She has two children too.

Her ex has explicitly sent death threats and saying he will find out my exs address. I'm now really worried about letting my son be in his house. I don't know him and if the police are involved it must be serious. Why if he follows her or she messages him to make him jealous when they are out somewhere?

AIBU to be upset I knew nothing about this.

user1483908438 Sun 08-Jan-17 21:02:52

Sorry about the typos. My son doesn't go to her exs house. Only his Dads house but I'm worried he will find out their address (not that hard to do). And also just he principle of it all. Even if she was lovely I knew nothing about it all. And feel I should have been told before he introduced anyone to my son and not lied to and kept in th dark about all this.

Daisyfrumps Sun 08-Jan-17 21:04:42

YANBU. I'd say your son can only have contact with his Dad in safe places and spaces, whilst you are all being threatened. If he doesn't like it he can go to court and argue his case for providing a safe environment.

I wonder if the NSPCC would advise you on their helpline?

user1483908438 Sun 08-Jan-17 21:10:04

I'm a child protection social worker so luckily have my own knowledge in this area.

It's just different when it's your own life.

Aeroflotgirl Sun 08-Jan-17 21:45:20

Can your ex that there is to be no contact, if his girlfriends ex is there, that if yiu hear that he is you will stop contact.

user1483908438 Sun 08-Jan-17 21:46:36

I don't think they will last at all. But just until they do I'm concerned. Her ex won't be there but she will be and he could follow

Chillyegg Sun 08-Jan-17 21:52:19

The fact this woman is a victim and survivor of abuse is no bearing on her personality.
What is concerning is that your ex hasnt told you about her.
That her ex knows about you and is contacting you. Whilst being threatening to your ex and his gf.
That hes with holding maintenance and changing days.
Definitely cause for concern. Not sure he has to ask your permission to introduce a girlfriend though to be honest. Just make you aware of the Situation.

Daisyfrumps Sun 08-Jan-17 21:54:07

And this is concerning.. Coinciding with Emma on the scene. How old is your son?

I've noticed he's not sleeping well and doesn't want to go to his Dads anymore.

Aeroflotgirl Sun 08-Jan-17 21:54:18

If he sends you more messages of tries to contact you, go to the Police.

Daisyfrumps Sun 08-Jan-17 21:56:15

Has your ex taken the appropriate steps here, i.e. reported the death threats to the police? Made sure the man can't legally approach the individuals and their respective properties, etc?

preparedtobeshotdown Mon 09-Jan-17 09:01:23

can ex come and visit DS at yours instead? that's obviously why he isn't seeing him as much as he knows it is potentially dangerous. so whilst trying to be responsible he is being irresponsible by hiding things from you. and if you hadn't found out from your DS, you would have assumed he just wasn't interested any more. talk to him. advise him to contact police if he hasn't already and only let him have at access at your house.

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