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To not go to their wedding?

(110 Posts)
glitterglitters Sun 08-Jan-17 17:05:51

Long story short.... friends are getting married this year. We've recently found out we're expecting a new (surprise) baby who will be a couple of months old at the time. It's a child free wedding and no babes in arms.

Our eldest dc was ebf and would never take a bottle. She also went through a huge sleep regression and separation anxiety at this age, and whilst I know every baby is different based on our past experience we doubt it'll be feasible to leave the new baby at this point.

The groom has kicked off and saying that we are being unreasonable and that my husband should at least go and leave me alone with the baby and toddler. Husband has said no, we come as a package and it's too far anyway to leave straightaway after.

The stag is also booked for my due date. Please tell me that we are totally within our rights! We're not asking for special treatment and respect their wishes blush

GnomeDePlume Sun 08-Jan-17 17:09:28

No, YANBU. If anything you are being very reasonable. Do the B&G have children?

rookiemere Sun 08-Jan-17 17:11:20

YANBU and it's incredibly rude of the G2B to question your decision. Well done on your DH for doing the right thing without prompting.

Berthatydfil Sun 08-Jan-17 17:11:23

It's in invitation not a royal summons

MadameJosephine Sun 08-Jan-17 17:13:09

Of course it's ok not to go.To quote a line I've seen before on Mumsnet, It's an invitation not a summons!

CaoNiMa Sun 08-Jan-17 17:13:57

I'd be inclined not to go to the wedding of a man who would "kick off"!

Soubriquet Sun 08-Jan-17 17:14:25

If they have a child free wedding and even refuse babes in arms, they are going to have to accept that some people can't come

Yanbu

mrsC4 Sun 08-Jan-17 17:16:24

These people sound like fucking entitled gargoyles
I wouldn't attend in your situation out of spit and probably send a really shit chintzy gift as well 😂🙈 but I'm childish

sonyaya Sun 08-Jan-17 17:16:34

Congratulations on the news!

Anyone is always within their rights not to go to a wedding. It is very ungracious if he groom to kick off, especially as you have had the decency to decline and not do what many guestzillas do and start demanding to take the baby etc.

Your husband is not breastfeeding so could go but I can understand why the decision has been taken not to.

MrsHathaway Sun 08-Jan-17 17:16:51

Totally reasonable about the stag.

Personally I'd send DH to the wedding on his own - but I had a sneeze birth with my DC2 and was waving DH on overseas work trips by "a couple of months old". Did you mean weeks? Most people are in the swing of things by 6-8 weeks with a second, unless you have a difficult labour or other health problems (yours or baby's, either way God forbid).

I think it's a bit precious to go down the "we come as a package" line. My decision to bf and therefore be inseparable from voracious feeders was not for the B&G to accommodate. Just like pre DC if the wedding had clashed with a big work commitment for one of us, the other would happily have gone alone.

Mind you, if groom is being a twat about it then YANBU to say so grin

sonyaya Sun 08-Jan-17 17:17:00

*of the groom.

BeingATwatItsABingThing Sun 08-Jan-17 17:18:32

My DM, DF, DSis, DBil, DP and I were invited to a wedding this year. Not DD. No children invited. DP and I aren't going. We only received the invite recently so haven't been able to reply yet but if they bride or groom kick off, I'll be even more determined not to go and I can imagine that the rest of my family will suddenly change their minds. My DF is furious that DD isn't invited as it is.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Sun 08-Jan-17 17:23:00

Of course you are totally within your rights to say no - you don't even have to give a reason.

However - "we come as a package" is a bit wanky tbh.

Scooby20 Sun 08-Jan-17 17:23:47

Do you and your dh never do anything without the other?

sonyaya Sun 08-Jan-17 17:24:12

Please tell me the groom is not expecting your DH to go to the stag on your due date? shock

andintothefire Sun 08-Jan-17 17:25:14

It's absolutely fine to decline if that is what you and your DH feel you want to do. However, if it is the groom who is disappointed and wants your DH to attend, is that because he and your DH are particularly close? Does your DH secretly want to attend the wedding of a close friend but feel that he can't leave you? None of this may be relevant, but I think there are some possible circumstances in which personally I would encourage my DH to attend on his own.

Equally, if the bride or groom were a particularly close friend of mine then I would make the effort to attend on my own if I possibly could.

ENormaSnob Sun 08-Jan-17 17:25:54

Yanbu

SarahOoo Sun 08-Jan-17 17:26:51

I feel it's a big shame people decide on no children at weddings, when we got married in 2015 we had only one child in our more distant family and the rest were friends little ones. There was no way I'd put them in a position where they couldn't bring them, it's their choice if they did or not.

I now have a niece and a nephew (my family work fast!) and I can see first hand how even more hard it would be to be separated. We had children making noises as we said our vows, I had no idea, I was too caught up in the moment, it was only months after when my husband mentioned it.

A friend of a friend is getting married with a no kids wedding but her fiancés nephew if of course comings he's about 7. Apparently she's having dreams and anxiety that he'll 'ruin' the day....jeez!

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion Sun 08-Jan-17 17:27:59

Yanbu, you can absolutely choose to say no.

But "coming as a package" is a bit of a stretch.

rookiemere Sun 08-Jan-17 17:28:29

It's quite ironic at a wedding - which is meant to be a ceremony to celebrate a couple coming together to offer mutual support for life to each other - that a DH is being encouraged to leave his DW alone at a potentially demanding time for her and their family.

NapQueen Sun 08-Jan-17 17:29:15

Yanbu to decline as a couple if you don't want to commit to leaving such a small baby.

Yanbu to insist dh doesn't even contemplate the stag!

Yabu and dh is to say it's both of you or neither. If he is close friends with the groom then is it really actually a hardship for you and him for him to attend alone?

BeingATwatItsABingThing Sun 08-Jan-17 17:30:08

Unless he is a nightmare child, how does she think he is will ruin it Sarah?

Soubriquet Sun 08-Jan-17 17:32:28

I can understand why your dh wants to stay home though

Brand new baby even at 8 weeks and another child is a hard transition

BeingATwatItsABingThing Sun 08-Jan-17 17:33:53

Maybe he wants to spend his weekend (assuming he works) with his family and his young baby?

Allthewaves Sun 08-Jan-17 17:36:46

depends how far the wedding is to travel. if it's like half and hour then surely dh can drive spend the day and come home before evening reception

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