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wedding angst

(12 Posts)
rosepoet Sun 08-Jan-17 13:49:33

Sibling who has always disliked me invited me [and one son, but not the other] to his only daughter's very grand wedding. Only not to the actual wedding, or the reception, either, just to a disco in the evening... When my son faced this exact issue last year, we decided not to be petty and invited said sibling and family to our wedding- only they were 'too busy' to come. And now they haven't included him in their 'non wedding' invitation.
It's funny how these things still matter...we don't want to spoil their daughter's big day, she is entitled to invite who she likes. It really shouldn't matter...but still, it's hurtful, tricky and potentially embarrassing, whatever we decide. The bride has asked for money gifts- another elephant trap! I'm curious as to how other families have coped with this issue...

MidnightVelvetthe7th Sun 08-Jan-17 14:03:43

Just a thought, if the wedding is that grand then it will reflect on the parents & as such they may be in control of the guest list or have a hefty hand in it at least. They do not want you there at the important bits but need to be able to explain your absence away in good manners, so if anyone asks why you are not there they are able to say that you were invited to the whole thing, but can only attend in the evening. You will not find out that they pretended to invite you to the whole thing. Thus you still attend the disco, the guests think you were invited all along & your sibling gets their own way.

If it were me then I'd just not go, tell them you are too busy & then if people ask you can say that you were invited to the disco but were already committed elsewhere for that evening. Send a card to the bride & groom but nothing else, you will not be spoiling their day.

I might also actually go away for the weekend to keep out of the whole thing! smile

DailyFail1 Sun 08-Jan-17 14:06:16

Don't go. Don't send the bride money either - a card will suffice.

GreenTureen Sun 08-Jan-17 14:07:25

Surely you would ask why one dc is invited and not the other?

StealthPolarBear Sun 08-Jan-17 14:08:07

But why specifically not invite your ds?

calzone Sun 08-Jan-17 14:08:41

Definitely agree with above.

Book a weekend away and send a card. No money.

StealthPolarBear Sun 08-Jan-17 14:08:52

Is your other ds still technically a child?

Peppapogstillonaloop Sun 08-Jan-17 14:09:56

Just don't go! Send a card no present. Done!

Ilovecaindingle Sun 08-Jan-17 14:09:58

Too busy.
Send a card.
And no gift.

Hulababy Sun 08-Jan-17 14:10:55

I would just not go. I would send a card but not a gift in this instance.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Sun 08-Jan-17 14:17:01

I would be too busy to go.

Probably watching Netflicks and eating pizza in my pyjamas

Leeds2 Sun 08-Jan-17 14:28:01

Did they send your DS a wedding gift when he got married?

How old is the DS who has been invited? Just wondering if he counts as a child, whereas your older DS is an adult and would also presumably expect his wife to be invited if he was.

I think I would decline, and send a card but no gift.

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