Distancing myself from ex's family

[user1483809827]

I've just started dating after breaking up with dd's dad almost a year ago. He told me he's been having one night stands which is fine obviously. Not my business any more.

The thing is is that I still get along with his brothers partners and one of them is expecting a baby in a few months. The other ex SIL is asking me to get involved in baby shower arrangements but this just feels a bit odd now that I'm dating and ex is off shagging other people.

What would you do? She's messaged me asking what my thoughts are re baby shower and I have no idea what to say.

[DeathStare]

Do you feel like you are friends with these women. Or are they just your ex's relatives who you got on with? If you feel you are friends then I don't see a problem still seeing them. If really you only had a relationship with them because they are your ex's family I'd maintain a polite distance.

[user1483809827]

I wouldn't call them friends no. Ex family members who I like and obviously dd's aunts. I don't know how to distance myself without seeming rude.

[DeathStare]

Maybe just say thank you for the invite and wish them a really good time but that it might be awkward to attend now your ex is dating again.

[HeddaGarbled]

I really really like them for wanting to and taking steps to maintain their friendships with you. So many families close ranks in these situations which is so hurtful for the ostracised person.

I suspect the non-pregnant SIL has asked your opinion in a deliberate move to make sure that you don't feel rejected and cut off. Bless her for that thoughtfulness.

There is no way to distance yourself that won't be quite clearly distancing yourself.

That said, it's entirely your choice if you want to distance yourself. Your daughter can still see her aunts when she's with your ex - this is about whether you ever want to see them again.

[Aeroflotgirl]

You might want to maintain some sort of a friendly relationship for your dds sake, especially if dad is rubbish with contact. Tell them your a bit tied up with work at the moment, but wish them luck with the baby shower, mabey meet up with them and dd in the future.