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To think DH is missing so much of the good stuff

(438 Posts)
UnbelievablyChocolatey Sat 07-Jan-17 18:55:19

Let me start by saying DH is a wonderful man and I love him with all my heart. However, since having DS who is now 10 month old, some of DHs behaviour is really starting to bother me.

One example. Every night we are meant to bath DS together, as DH works all day so it was always meant to be something pleasant for us to do in the evening. But it always ends up being me bathing DS whilst DH is busy tidying up from tea or something like that. Bearing in mind that after bathtime I then give DS his feed and I put him down to bed. So he could always tidy up then.

It's the same on the weekends. If I nip out to do the shopping or something I'll get home and DH will have football on and be tidying up or something along those lines, and DS will be playing. (Our house is already spotless may I add!)

I just feel like he's going to regret missing these early memories. Tidying and all that can wait. Our DS can't. Or am I just being daft?

ProudBadMum Sat 07-Jan-17 18:57:39

What good stuff comes with a 10 month old? He might find him boring at the moment and prefer to clean grin

His choice

manandbeast Sat 07-Jan-17 18:57:48

I think the first couple of years are sometimes less interesting for dad's than for mums.

As long as he is doing his fair share at home I wouldn't put pressure on him to do your version of bonding.

It will happen in its own way and own time!

haveacupoftea Sat 07-Jan-17 18:59:17

He's doing his fair share - give him a break.

Littleballerina Sat 07-Jan-17 19:00:31

Give the poor man a break.

Whosthemummynow Sat 07-Jan-17 19:01:18

Babies are pretty boring tbh, what do you want him to do?

The bath thing, maybe ask him to do it alone, bit wierd you both being in the bathroom. Is it not cramped?!

user1471545174 Sat 07-Jan-17 19:01:53

You are being a bit daft! He tidies!

LovelyBaubles Sat 07-Jan-17 19:02:22

I'd much rather my dp did the cleaning whilst I did bath and bed or vis versa.

UnbelievablyChocolatey Sat 07-Jan-17 19:02:35

I just think that surely after being at work all day he might want to spend some time with his DS? He's getting a right little personality on him now, starting to walk, exploring and communicating, I think it's lovely to watch him develop. And he'd rather fill the dishwasher up? He does his share by going to work. I don't expect him to come home and clean up!

corythatwas Sat 07-Jan-17 19:02:48

ProudBadMum Sat 07-Jan-17 18:57:39
"What good stuff comes with a 10 month old? He might find him boring at the moment and prefer to clean grin

His choice"

Ok, and if the OP also prefers to clean, that presumably is her choice? So the 10 mo just baths himself?

Or am I missing something?

Is choice something that men have?

And what about the 10mo's choice to bond with his dad?

For any child to survive childhood, someone has to do the jobs that aren't terribly interesting. On a regular basis.

TheLongRains Sat 07-Jan-17 19:03:16

We do bath time together here, so I understand what you're wanting, but perhaps you could start by swapping round? Say "I'll tidy up tea, why don't you go and start the bath", rather than aiming for everyone present straight away. Then when he's used to doing it, you can start joining them halfway through etc. Maybe he just feels like it's overkill to have two adults to one baby, so thinks it's more sensible to tidy up. If he actually doesn't want to be spending time with your son, that's another issue.

cathf Sat 07-Jan-17 19:04:14

First baby OP?

PetalMettle Sat 07-Jan-17 19:05:10

Yes I thought swapping.
TBH you're lucky. When I was at home I would bath and put baby to bed and then have all the tidying up to do

UnbelievablyChocolatey Sat 07-Jan-17 19:05:29

Yep first baby cathf smile

Jaynebxl Sat 07-Jan-17 19:05:47

Why not let him do bathymetry on his own with the baby and you do the tidying. Maybe he feels a bit superfluous because it doesn't take two to bath a baby, or maybe he feels a bit stressed about the mess and wants to keep on top of it.

BankWadger Sat 07-Jan-17 19:06:19

You have a husband who cleans? envy

There are plenty of things you can do with the baby together, bath time generally isn't one of those things. Have him do it every second night perhaps and enjoy him giving a fuck about sharing household responsibility the other nights.

corythatwas Sat 07-Jan-17 19:06:54

manandbeast Sat 07-Jan-17 18:57:48
"I think the first couple of years are sometimes less interesting for dad's than for mums."

I think the difference is that noone asks mums if they're having an interesting time.

A mum who refuses to wipe bottoms or administer baths will end up in court for neglect. A dad who refuses to wipe bottoms and administer baths will have swathes of MNers breathing sympathetically "but he might find it boring "

ElspethFlashman Sat 07-Jan-17 19:06:55

Well put it this way, in another year he'll have no choice but to get involved, cos it'll be Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy DAAAADEEEEEE!

You can't ignore a 2 year old.

Soubriquet Sat 07-Jan-17 19:07:50

Why do you have to bath him together?

Why can't you let your Dh bath him in his own?

It might encourage him to do it if he gets the chance to do something on his own

UnbelievablyChocolatey Sat 07-Jan-17 19:08:22

There isn't any mess jayne, I'm quite obsessive about cleaning and I always clean up as I go, so it could just be like a glass or bowl that needs to be cleaned up, maybe a few toys to be put away. Nothing too urgent!

I think that is a good idea about suggesting he does the bath. I'm not in anyway ungrateful that he wants to help out, but I just want him to understand that DS won't be young for long and surely we should be taking advantage of that

corythatwas Sat 07-Jan-17 19:08:38

Agree with pp that you should aim for alternating nights. Don't sell it as something he should enjoy, just present it as something that he needs to do for his son.

UnbelievablyChocolatey Sat 07-Jan-17 19:09:19

That's very true elspeth

LemonSqueezy0 Sat 07-Jan-17 19:09:56

Think you're being a bit precious about how wonderful it would /should be, all bathing a baby together every night. I'd suggest letting your husband bath DS on his own, and let him take the lead sometimes on weekends and so on. Don't try too hard to force wonderful moments though,let them happen naturally.

Brown76 Sat 07-Jan-17 19:09:59

Could it be that he doesn't feel confident or know what to do (either in a practical way like bathing, or in how to engage with a 10 month old). Maybe he's leaving it to you as you seem more able, having had more time with DS? My OH was always hands on with our DS but gained a lot of confidence when I returned to work and he changed jobs, taking over the main caring for a while. Anyway, suggest he does the bath on his own as you 'need a break'. And maybe get him to take DS out to the swings or something with the same excuse, or read to him before feed, or swimming lessons on the weekend? Something structured so that it's obvious what to do and they can engage?

early30smum Sat 07-Jan-17 19:10:35

TBH I think it's pretty good he's home for bathtime every night! Many dads (and mums) might not be able to, so it's great you are both around each night. I don't think your DH is missing out. Maybe suggest at the weekend that DH takes your DS to the park by himself or something? Mine did that when my DD was little (and later, with our DS too). I honestly don't think both of you need to bath your son together every night. Maybe sometimes you could tidy up and he could bath him?

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