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AIBU?

Post baby

23 replies

mummyof2pr · 07/01/2017 10:44

I am a stay at home mum of 2 kids, one being 4 months and the other being 2 years old. My husband constantly yells at me because I am always saying I'm exhausted, and says that because I always say I'm exhausted there must be something wrong with me. We also have only been intimate a few times since the birth of our second child, I just haven't felt any desire to be. Still he consistently asks everyday, and will even try to touch me when I say to stop. Then when I get upset he yells at me and says I need to go talk to someone because these things aren't normal. I thought that both of these things are normal post baby experiences, the exhaustion especially with 2 children and taking care of all household chores and errands. Has anyone else experienced this or am I as messed up as my husband says?

OP posts:

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DartmoorDoughnut · 07/01/2017 10:47

Your husband is a prick, hope that clears that up

KayTee87 · 07/01/2017 10:49

You're perfectly normal op. Your husband sounds like an arse.

mummyof2pr · 07/01/2017 10:49

It's just so frustrating. He never leaves it alone and I'm always wrong.

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cx5221 · 07/01/2017 10:50

You sound perfectly normal op!

Your husband sounds really insensitive abusive!

You need to go out for a full day and leave him with the kids from about 8 in the morning until after they go to bed. If he doesn't think it's hard work he should find it easy then.

When he does moan just say to him you've done one day, try doing it for two years solid.

Can I ask what do you get out of this relationship because he sounds awful from the few things you have written

KayTee87 · 07/01/2017 10:51

Also I only have one dc, a 5 month old and have only had sex 4 times since he was born, my husband doesn't mention it at all as he knows I'm tired and I was in pain down there until about 2 months ago anyway.

Banana25 · 07/01/2017 10:53

Well - he's evidently a complete and utter asshole. A toddler and a baby is exhausting. If he's so concerned about your energy levels, he can cook dinner, or do bathtime, or get up 20+ times a night. And he should not be yelling at you.

Have you got any decent support from family/friends? He doesn't sound like he's being overly helpful raising your children at the moment.

mummyof2pr · 07/01/2017 10:55

We have been friends for a very long time and things used to be really great. He was so good with our 2yo and was so caring and understanding and went out of his way to make sure I was happy always. The new baby isn't even what has changed this, it's his job. It makes me incredibly sad and I'm not sure what to do. I know this isn't who he is, or at least who he was, and I just want the old version back.

OP posts:

mummyof2pr · 07/01/2017 10:55

I have no family here as he is from here and we moved from the USA to be here with him so when things get hard here I feel stuck.

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Hellmouth · 07/01/2017 10:56

I'm finding it hard enough with one 6 month old. Your husband is a twat.

Hellmouth · 07/01/2017 10:56

Having a stressful job is no excuse to treat you like that

mummyof2pr · 07/01/2017 11:08

And if I ever say anything about how the job is always his priority I'm just told by him and his family that "I'm not being supportive of his job" and that he needs my support. I sit here and take care of the kids all day, clean the house, make dinner, do the shopping, and then when he comes home do some of his work admin for him!! He goes in to do some work on his days off while kids and I wait in the car. It's just ridiculous. And he manipulates it to everyone to make me look like the bad guy!

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Banana25 · 07/01/2017 11:48

So basically, him AND his family are completely unsupportive of you. I'm not sure that his attitude towards you is something you'll be able to 'fix' ... I know I'm making an assumption, but it sounds like his mother and father had a similar attitude. Is there an option at all for going to stay with your family for a while? Or hiring a nanny or cleaner or something just to give you a bit of respite, and time to work out your next move? I'm not saying leave him, but you can't continue as you are, as his last priority.

Daisyfrumps · 07/01/2017 11:49

He tries to touch you after you've clearly said no? He shouts at you? He wants to make you feel like you have issues?

He's not insensitive, he IS abusive.

mummyof2pr · 07/01/2017 11:56

Have no family here besides his as I'm from US. It's just so ridiculous. His family had offered to come around and help while I was still pregnant, obviously that's never happened. I've considered going back home numerous times but DS is a citizen here and I'm not sure I can take him out of country without DH approval.

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Pinkheart5915 · 07/01/2017 11:58

It's not a competition Of course your BOTH tried at the end of the day, neither being at home or working is easier than the other and both things are providing for the family. Why does your DH struggle to understand that? I don't think that's difficult for an adult to understand

The constant asking for sex would annoy me no end, nothing is a bigger turn off imo than being pestered for sex!

I have never experienced what you are because it's not normal for a man to treat the mother of his children/ his wife this way he is the messed up one not you

Daisyfrumps · 07/01/2017 11:59

I think you need to get advice from Women's Aid, and also legal advice? Your family situation is abusive, so your rights may be different? Do you want your son to grow up witnessing a home where mom is constantly yelled at and treated like a slave?

Daisyfrumps · 07/01/2017 12:00

Sorry, children

SparkleShinyGlitter · 07/01/2017 12:04

I haven't experienced this because it's not at all normally post baby. It's also not right to treat your partner that way

DH works, I am home for now although returning to work shortly. We often both say to the other we are tired and nobody gets angry as it's not a sodding competition we are both allowed to be tired.

Ahh pestering for sex eww just no. As pp says it really is such a big turn off has he never wondered why you don't want to

SauvignonBlanche · 08/01/2017 20:32

This is not normal and you shouldn't put up with it.

KateReddy · 08/01/2017 20:44

My husband constantly yells at me
Yet he can't cope with the children on his own?

Not acceptable.

LagunaBubbles · 09/01/2017 09:59

I take it he doesnt help out much with his own children?

Softkitty2 · 09/01/2017 11:00

Your husband is a douche. Maybe if he helped you with kids and housework you wouldn't be so tired. He's a sex pest.. Do not tolerate him shouting at you.

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BabychamSocialist · 09/01/2017 15:46

Your husband is a twat. That's all there is to it.

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