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AIBU?

Aibu to ask how to boost DD (6) Self esteem?

20 replies

OnePotato2Potato · 07/01/2017 08:28

I feel quite bad... DD 6 has been making a fuss about wearing a hat outside, saying it was itchy, it messed up her hair etc. I enquired further and she said some kids had been making fun of her because of the hat (hat is not unusual in any way, standard winters hat).

I said to ignore ig and thst dhe looked fine. After weeks of my pestering and her refusing to wear it, I bought another this week (a different style) and she said the kids were teasing her again so she's refusing to wear it!

She's an otherwise confident girl but is quite conscious about physical appearances recently. I feel bad that she isn't confident enough to ignore the teasing and that I've gone wrong somewhere.

TBH I have confidence issues too but not with clothing or appearances so I'm not sure how to approach this. Aibu to ask how I can teach her to deal with teasing and boost self confidence.

TIA

OP posts:

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Princecharlesfirstwife · 07/01/2017 08:32

Maybe she just doesn't like wearing hats. Don't make her if she doesn't want to. It's hardly the Arctic in this country (unless of course you do actually live in the Arctic).

AmberEars · 07/01/2017 08:33

I think it depends whether you think it's just this one issue or whether you think the teasing may be more pervasive.

My primary age DC are pretty confident and happy kids, but they all refuse to wear hats and say they'll be teased if they do. So I don't insist on it. Kids are weird!

KanyesVest · 07/01/2017 08:44

Dd is also 6 and a hat rejector. As a practical step, how about getting her a snood which she can pull up to cover her ears/if it starts raining? Dd got a shopkins one for Christmas and has only taken it off at bedtime.

DonaldStott · 07/01/2017 08:50

My dd hates hats too. She usually doesn't feel the cold anyway (like ever, it is some kind of super power!), but she will wear ear muffs at a push.

saoirse31 · 07/01/2017 08:50

Agree with prev posters. Why does she need to wear hats? Its not the arctic circle...

lovelearning · 07/01/2017 08:58

I have confidence issues too

Raise a Confident Child by Healing Your Past

A child’s self-esteem is acquired, not inherited. Certain parenting traits and certain character traits, such as anger and fearfulness, are learned in each generation. Having a baby gives you the chance to become the parent you wish you had. If you suffer from low self-confidence, especially if you feel it’s a result of how you were parented, take steps to heal yourself and break the family pattern.

www.askdrsears.com/topics/parenting/child-rearing-and-development/12-ways-help-your-child-build-self-confidence

Why does she need to wear hats?

Not wearing a hat makes your child vulnerable to illness

Teach by example

Mum wears a hat outdoors

So does the child

Insist on it

BigMamaFratelli · 07/01/2017 09:00

Or take her shopping and let her choose or show you what she likes?

I'm ffairly certain my mum would have described the stuff she used to make me wear as ' not unusual' and 'standard' . When in fact it was godawful.

Or maybe she just hates hats and is making excuses. I'm not sure there's anything to really worry about re her confidence.

WeAllHaveWings · 07/01/2017 11:57

Are the other children wearing hats? If not and she doesn't want to wear one I wouldn't insist. It isn't that cold yet.

If they are and it's a style thing let her choose her own hat.

AllieinWonderland · 07/01/2017 18:26

My DD has just turned seven but practically lives in hats (especially an elephant hat). Skirts however - no no no.

Was she able to choose out the hats? I have always allowed my DCs, from the age of 5, to totally choose their own outfits. Sounds a bit wacky (and sometimes it is, and sometimes I have to say "no" due to practicalities, such as sandals in the snow) but I think it has helped them find their own styles and also care less about what other kids and indeed what I think.

I don't think it's necessarily low self confidence at this point, but to prevent it from being so I think it's good to show her that it doesn't matter what she wears, or what other kids say. I like what a PP said about you wearing the hat, and I do think letting her choose the hat (if you didn't already) mean that SHE definitely likes it, and you can teach her to say that to any kids that laugh.

Teasing happens a lot though, for all sorts of reasons, and you'll just have to teach your DD to live with that - even though it's not fair. Good luck!

MrsMattBomer · 07/01/2017 19:02

Maybe she just doesn't like hats?

Crumbs1 · 07/01/2017 19:15

What twaddle - wearing hats do not prevent any illness. My mother used to say going outside with wet hair or bathing during a period caused ill health. It's all twaddle.
If she doesn't want to wear a hat, what does it matter? I'm with her actually hats are for weddings, Iceland or skiing or fancy dress. Can't stand the things. Three of my girls and neither boy wore hats very much growing up but youngest loves all sorts of hats. Wearing or not wearing had no impact on their health or happiness.

dollydaydream114 · 07/01/2017 19:17

Not wearing a hat makes your child vulnerable to illness

Yeah, those germs that creep in through the scalp are right buggers, aren't they?

Not wearing a hat does not "leave a child vulnerable to illness", FFS. Unless you live somewhere insanely cold where actual frostbite is an issue, a six year old is fine without a hat.

IWillOnlyEatBeans · 07/01/2017 19:19

My DS1 is 6. Lots of the girls in his yr 2 class wear ear muffs. Would these be an acceptable alternative?

bumsexatthebingo · 07/01/2017 19:24

If she doesn't want to wear a hat I wouldn't make her. If she does I would get her one that a lot of the other kids wear (whatever if being sold at the most local supermarket to the school is usually a safe bet but make sure it's named!). If the other kids are still teasing her then it's not the hat - it's them so I would have a chat with her about how friends behave and brainstorm some options she has if children are being unkind - play with someone else, tell a teacher, ask them to stop etc.

Fuxfurforall · 07/01/2017 19:24

Hats tend to be pulled off and chucked around the playground, thrown amongst other kids who like to play catch, or whatever, and get "lost". I gave up with water hats - not worth the fuss.

Talith · 07/01/2017 19:51

Maybe just ditch the hat. She sounds astute enough to ask for one if she is cold.

Sybys · 07/01/2017 20:28

Yeah if her only issue is with wearing hats...don't make her wear a hat.

Sybys · 07/01/2017 20:30

. I gave up with water hats - not worth the fuss.
Yeah they do sound a bit rubbish.

Namechangenurseryconcerns · 07/01/2017 20:33

I hate hats, dcs hate hats. None of us wear hats
If it's very cold dd and I will wear ear muffs and ds pulls his hood up.

FarAwayHills · 07/01/2017 21:09

Is she happy to wear a hat outside school? Does your DD actually want to wear a hat or is it just you that would like her to? Are there any other issues with these school friends? If there are no other issues and if your DD is otherwise happy, I think you need to accept that it's part of growing up to want to fit it with your peers. If no one else is wearing a hat perhaps your DD sticks out and doesn't want to feel different.

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