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AIBU?

AIBU to ask sil to repay rent money?

85 replies

cherry2727 · 07/01/2017 01:11

Hey everyone !!
Looking for some advise so open to honest opinions. Dh and I decided to save to buy a house so moved into mil's council house and agreed to pay the rent for her for that period. Dh set up a standing order for the rent to be paid and we've paid it on time ever since. After a year, mil did a house swap with sil which was dealt with by the council. After 6 months of living in our sil's prev flat, mil received a letter stating that we are in rent arrears !! We were shocked as, as far as we are aware, we had an so set up. Upon investigation , we realised that we never changed the so and as a result have been paying our sil's rent on mil's previous house as we forgot to change the account details. We've made 6 months of payments before it came to light ! We've now brought it up with sil and she says she's sorry but doesn't have the money to repay us!!! AIBU to think that she should have known that her rent was being paid for her???

We are now moving into our house we bought and are fuming as we've had to pay the rent arrears and obv need the cash to do up our house as it needs a lot of work. We've saved up quite a bit but every penny would help. I don't want to stir any trouble but I am very tempted to be more pushy with sil to try to get her to repay the money . Should I push and risk creating family drama or just take responsibility of the error and shut up!??? Just so you know I don't have the best relationship with her but we are quite civilised.

OP posts:

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Butterymuffin · 07/01/2017 01:19

How on earth didn't she notice that someone else was paying her rent? What was she doing with the money she would have been spending on it? I can see she might not be able to pay it all immediately but she ought to pay you back in instalments. It will not be easy to insist on this though.

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 07/01/2017 01:20

No way! Of course she she pay you back, why should you pay her rent for 6 months?!?!

Bailey101 · 07/01/2017 01:24

Of course she should pay you back! If she genuinely didn't notice, then she would have also been paying rent so she's paid up 6 months in advance - if she can't pay in one go, then she should pay the rent to you, instead of the council, until the overpayment's used up.

PyongyangKipperbang · 07/01/2017 01:24

Well YANBU to want your money but you are equally culpable here as you should have been on top of your own outgoings.

So did she just not pay anything or has the rent been paid twice? If she knew and kept her mouth shut then I would go after every penny, but if she has over paid then you need to go to the council to get it refunded.

Is MIL likely to kick off and expect you to forget it?

LauderSyme · 07/01/2017 01:31

YANBU. Of course she must have known that she was not paying any rent!
She may have thought she had a Housing Benefit claim up and running, I suppose, and that it was covering the rent. Many of the HB claimants I deal with do not understand the system and are not good at managing their claim, for a host of reasons.
But if that's the case, then she was just as mistaken as you, so no reason why you should have to suck it up while she gets a free ride! It is not unreasonable to expect her to pay for such a basic need as the roof over her own head.
However, I can understand why she may not be able to pay you back the entire amount in one lump sum, so asking for it in instalments might be more reasonable.

Redglitter · 07/01/2017 01:31

Can't the housing association for anything. If you've moved house but continued paying to your previous account surely that'll show up on their records. It should be clear that you've paid into your old account. I'd get on to them first thing on Monday and see if the payments can get transferred.

cherry2727 · 07/01/2017 01:34

Butterymuffin that's exactly what I said to hubby. I do think she knew hence why she never said anything ! She didn't even show much sentiment when we told her ... Just a placid "oh well I'm sorry but I don't have that kind of money to pay you back!" She even went as far as saying that she's also in rent arrears which I don't believe as the council confirmed that the money has been paid towards her rent . Her rent is only £50 more a month!

OP posts:

TrillKitten · 07/01/2017 01:47

Tricky. She should pay you back, but in installments, I'd say at least over a year, paying double rent per month would be crippling, 150% still seriously challenging...
The fact that you've been paying for 6 months without noticing probably means you need to steer clear of criticising her lack of grip on her finances. I cannot begin to imagine paying 6 months of rent and not noticing it was going seriously how much money do you have not to notice that?!?!-

Bailey101 · 07/01/2017 01:52

It isn't that the op didn't notice that they were still paying rent, the problem is that the rent account number on the standing order wasn't changed so they were paying on the old house, not the new flat.

LauderSyme · 07/01/2017 01:53

Doesn't sound like it came as much surprise to her. So you may be right, she knew all along and decided to just keep taking your money for as long as she could. She's taking the piss big time!

GloveBug · 07/01/2017 01:53

Can the council not transfer the payments? She must have known she wasn't paying any rent for 6 months

TrillKitten · 07/01/2017 01:56

Bailey101 Oh! that's totally different! Thank you for helping me understand. I am so sorry OP! I completely misunderstood and therefore my comments make no sense. Ignore me

cherry2727 · 07/01/2017 01:58

Trillkitten We were residing in the swapped house and so we just thought that the payment was going to the new account, however, as we had the prev house account number as a reference , it went to that account. Not sure if I'm making an sense .

It is partially hubby's fault as the council said that both parties were responsible for ensuring that this side was amended and he should have amended the so to reflect the new account number. I will have a word with hubby re suggesting she pays in instalments. Not sure how he will take it as he is a big softie when it comes to family ... Sigh... A month or two I could suffer but 6 months of rent is quite a descent amount of money.

pyongyangkipperbang we paid off the arrears so mil isn't bothered by all this . We do accept partial responsibility but she should do as well and at least meet us half way , right ?

OP posts:

cherry2727 · 07/01/2017 01:59

bailey101 that's ok, it's such a confusing story to type into words !

OP posts:

PyongyangKipperbang · 07/01/2017 02:00

I do think that you should shoulder some of the blame here though for not changing the standing order. Thats not to say that she doesnt owe you because of course she does but bearing in mind that you fucked up too I think that you need to give some leeway.

Have you asked the council to recredit the money to your MILs rent account?

I would ask her to repay it in instalment but be prepared to never see a penny of it back unless you go to small claims, which could cause major family problems. Depends how far you are prepared to go to get it back I guess.

PyongyangKipperbang · 07/01/2017 02:03

X post

Yes she should meet you halfway but I dont think she will tbh.

PyongyangKipperbang · 07/01/2017 02:05

When I mentioned MIL I meant how is she likely to take you kicking up a fuss at SIL? Is she going to take SILs side and expect you to just suck it up?

At least you have an excuse to not buy her any Xmas or birthday gifts, as you cant afford it due to having paid her rent for 6 months :o

cherry2727 · 07/01/2017 02:13

pyongyangkipperbang oh .... She wouldn't be pleased if we brought it up again! We kinda got the picture that she doesn't want us to rock any boats. I guess I'm also really upset by not just the money but her lack of empathy. I would have been very remorseful if something like that happened to me! I would have at least cooked a meal for the person if I didn't have the money to repay.

Thanks everyone for your responses. I know this will cause an argument between dh and I tomorrow but it's bugging me alot

OP posts:

TrillKitten · 07/01/2017 02:14

Apologies again for my misunderstanding. Now I actually understand I think you're being very reasonable, OP. I really hope you get your money back !

Yambabe · 07/01/2017 02:27

It's a shame that you paid the second lot of arrears. If you hadn't done that you would have had a case to put to the council that as they came from you the payments from the old account should be reallocated to the new one. That would have left your SIL with 6 months of arrears to pay but that would be between her and he council and not your concern.

As it is, the council are unlikely to release that money now and although your SIL should pay you back it doesn't sound like she's going to. This is your DH's family so really the final decision on if you pursue it should be his.

bloodyteenagers · 07/01/2017 02:32

I am surprised that this was allowed to go on for 6 months. Usually after a month, max 2, the council start bombarding tenants with letters, phone calls and house visits about the arrears.

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/01/2017 03:38

What you should have done was to get your mil, who is responsible for the rent to call and get the money transferred over to the correct account. Would she do this now and pay you back?

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charlie2405 · 07/01/2017 04:01

what a dick your SIL is! I would be mortified by this quite frankly. Sounds like OP said SIL was paying the extra 50 quid on top of what OP was paying for the rent so she knew full well that her rent was being paid for! I would cause all sorts of family drama over this to be frank. 6 months of rent is a lot of money and I would be demanding this back from the council if you have also paid the rent arrears. They handled the house swop and their tenant hasn't paid any rent, previous tenants have. The council have no rights to this money and should refund you as in essence you have paid rent twice, once for SIL house and one for MIL's. You need to be speaking to them for a refund asap and its their responsibility to get their rent from the person living in their property. I googled rent refunds and it looks like if you have overpaid rent then most councils have a form to claim it back? I wouldnt be speaking to SIL again ever the cheeky cow. for you OP.

BoomBoomsCousin · 07/01/2017 07:17

Can you by pass SIL and get the council to pay you back? Then they can charge SIL for the rent she owes them?

While I can see how they would be reluctant to do this, but technically, if you didn't intend to pay your SIL's rent and it happened by accident, I think you might be entitled to get it back. Maybe talk to Shelter or CAB to see where you stand if council are evasive?

Bluntness100 · 07/01/2017 07:25

She totally knew. No way was she not paying her rent and didn't know it was already being paid, She decided to let it keep going as long as possible and say nothing .

I see it as basically the same as stealing, she should pay you back. Your husband should speak to her. It's her rent, she would have had to have paid it anyway so she should pay it back to you.

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