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DH being a dick again

(28 Posts)
BoBo16 Sat 07-Jan-17 00:07:38

Ex has split with long term partner, therefore his usual access arrangements with our kids has changed slightly. All this means is that basically instead of having them overnight every other week, he's just taking them out for the day instead (as he's living at his mothers).

I asked DS2 what was happening tomorrow and he said he was going out shopping with his dad, fair enough. Personally I couldn't give a shit either way, youngest is almost 16!

DH on the other hand launches into a scathing attack on how out of order ex is, how we shouldn't all be sat around waiting to hear his plans, how we need to know exact times etc that the kids (adults!?) are being picked up so that we're not making meals that don't need to be made etc etc 🙄 I said "well I'm assuming it will be same as usual, we'll be providing lunch and he'll be sorting their dinner - either way it's hardly my fault" so he replies "well actually, it is your fault because you don't keep a tighter reign on what's going on".

I lost my shit at this because I'm sick to death of being blamed for shit that is out of my control so I went back at him and said he was being ridiculous to suggest that any of this was my fucking fault and it's absolutely nothing to do with me.

He carried on suggesting that it was my fault that we don't have a timed schedule for tomorrow.

AIBU or is he being a total fucking lunatic? The kids are 16 and 18. Too old in my opinion for 'contact weekends' anyway but even so - why the fuck does it need to be so timed and specific and if those specifics are not met, how the holy mother of Christ is it my fault??? I don't even communicate with the bloke!! Sick of being ordered around and blamed for every fucking thing.

pictish Sat 07-Jan-17 00:10:18

Yanbu. Sounds like he was picking a fight.

BoBo16 Sat 07-Jan-17 00:11:41

He was! Don't know why but he's constantly on the look out for a excuse to start about the ex. It's getting boring.

NeedsAsockamnesty Sat 07-Jan-17 00:11:59

Tell him to fuck off like really fuck off

Patriciathestripper1 Sat 07-Jan-17 00:13:27

Sounds like he's s bit jealous to me

Ohdearducks Sat 07-Jan-17 00:20:05

King Dick of Dickland. What a bore, refuse to engage with it, sounds like he's trying to antagonise you. Silly pleb.

Ilovecaindingle Sat 07-Jan-17 00:20:08

I wouldn't even be in contact with him. The kids are old enough to make plans with him themselves.

Crispbutty Sat 07-Jan-17 00:26:02

It's her current dh who's being a dick Cain.

SpareASquare Sat 07-Jan-17 00:32:09

My children are around the same age as yours and they manage their own relationship with their father.
Yes, your DH is being a dick. At those ages it really isn't a concern of his. Sure, nice to know if you don't need to feed them, but hardly the end of the world either.

joystir59 Sat 07-Jan-17 00:32:56

He (DH) is jealous of your ex OP

ciderfairy3009 Sat 07-Jan-17 00:38:53

End of the day your dc are old enough to send you a text of what they are doing and whether they will be home for meal times! Sounds like your dh is jealous that they are not his or he's using that the cause a problem for whatever reason! Yanbu he's just being a total ass!

MrsMcMoo Sat 07-Jan-17 00:39:58


user1471545174 Sat 07-Jan-17 00:46:44

Not only jealous, but nervous as your ex is back on the market and he thinks (in the irrational way of men) that you will go off with him grin

I am being kind of lighthearted but subconsciously I think this might be happening, so I'd cut him some slack and be reassuring.

user1476869312 Sat 07-Jan-17 00:52:48

Is your current H a dick about other things? Was your ex the same sort of dick or a different sort? It's not uncommon for women who have had one unreasonable bully of a partner to pick another one...

caringcarer Sat 07-Jan-17 00:57:33

Tell him to back off and allow your kids to sort out their relationship with their Dad on their own. Tell DH you don't want to get involved with ex in sorting out access. They are old enough to sort it out themselves and your DH could take advantage of not having kids around to take you to do something nice on your own. He is a man and feeling insecure so taking it out on you!!

Freyanna Sat 07-Jan-17 00:58:08

Yanbu, DH is stirring up trouble for no good reason.

BeezerBubble Sat 07-Jan-17 01:04:50

Going against the grain but I think you should concentrate on your DH/life rather than planning meals etc. around kids who may or may not be around? If you're providing lunch that assumes that any plans your DH may have, or would like to have for the two of you are scuppered cos your catering for someone who may or may not be there.

Jux Sat 07-Jan-17 01:21:53

Oh bless, he's jealous and insecure. He's probably thinking that you are both around all the time to do the donkey work while ex is being disney dad, and that he's losing whatever status he had with the boys. He's also a bit pissed of woth being taken for granted and meals and stuff being wasted.

With my teen (17) she can go wherever and whenever she likes, but I want to know what where and when. I want to know what I am expected to do, ie, if she's going to be around for food, or needs washing kept an eye on (she does her own, but drying of washing needs to be kind of planned). I might tell her that I expect her to be back by a certain time, or that I'll put her meal in the oven to keep warm.

People who live together do need to communicate, so I can see his point. It's not your fault, but maybe you need to let the boys know that you need to know their plans.

Topseyt Sat 07-Jan-17 01:51:37

He is being a massive twat.

Tell him that none of what he ranted about bothers you at all and that you have no intention of letting it. Then refuse to engage further and just leave him ranting away like a lemon to himself.

TheNaze73 Sat 07-Jan-17 07:28:26

Your DH is acting & sounding like a bell end.

Bluntness100 Sat 07-Jan-17 07:34:22

Yup, you're husband is being an aggressive twat. Either he is jealous of the ex or he was simply wishing to fight with you., or maybe both.

Your kids however should be managing the relationship with their father and informing you of the plans,

BoBo16 Sat 07-Jan-17 08:37:42

He's a massive hypocrite too - his kids come here on a Saturday only half the time they don't and we don't get to known either way until around half an hour before he's meant to be picking them up! So how is that any different?

Itisnoteasybeingdifferent Sat 07-Jan-17 08:45:46

OOi, why did you split? need to post but it may affect his present situation?.

Yes he is OOO but don't loose your cool. His domestic arrangements are not your concern. He has an obligation to care for children not a priveledge to see them.

ohfourfoxache Sat 07-Jan-17 08:49:45

Is he still being a tool today?

He does sound like a bit of a prat tbh

jeaux90 Sat 07-Jan-17 08:51:01

Bobo your last post puts a whole different spin on it. It's no different at all by the sounds of it and he sounds like he is being a right nob.

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