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AIBU?

Hardly anyone is coming only hen do

209 replies

peroxidebrown · 06/01/2017 23:11

I'm so upset. Have been organising my hen do for a while - well bridesmaid is doing the bulk but if invited people, not loads maybe a dozen close friends. Two bridesmaids have pulled out even though I went to theirs which were more extravagant saying they can't afford it. It's one night in the UK. Another friend today has pulled out. It's going to be about six of us in total and I now feel embarrassed about the whole thing.

OP posts:

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msrisotto · 06/01/2017 23:13

6 is plenty, no? And don't you want to be with your actual friends?

DorcasthePuffin · 06/01/2017 23:14

Oh, I'm so sorry. You must be feeling very hurt.

I would just replan the event for a smaller number. You maybe won't have such a great pub crawl with six, but it would make a better number to go to a spa, for example?

ColdTeaAgain · 06/01/2017 23:16

In my experience small groups make for better hen dos. Rather poor of your bridesmaids though. Just tailor your plans to suit a small group, it will be fine :)

peroxidebrown · 06/01/2017 23:18

Thank you for not telling me I'm an entitled bridezilla! I am gutted to be honest and I'm angry with the bridesmaids pulling out- just feels like they wanted all the bells and whistles for theirs but can't be arsed to make any effort for me.

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peroxidebrown · 06/01/2017 23:19

I'm dreading it now. I feel embarrassed like my friends who are there will wonder why hardly anyone has turned up IYSWIM and I'll have to be justifying it.

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SadTrombone · 06/01/2017 23:19

Pub crawl with 6 still sounds fine to me!
Had a similar experience with my hen do OP - still had a fabulous night. Totally understand your disappointed but please don't be embarrassed- you'll have a wonderful time regardless xx

MissVictoria · 06/01/2017 23:20

Unfortunately money is tight for a lot of people and drinks in clubs etc aren't cheap. Most also feel the need to get a new outfit, especially if it is themed or fancy dress, and the costs really add up. I had no ID and spent over £70 to get a passport plus another £30 for the fancy dress outfit for the hen night i was going to not to go ahead due to the bride to be getting a kidney infection and being incredibly ill in bed. It was never re arranged either. Personally i don't see the point of hen/stag nights, it's just an excuse to binge drink and plenty end up cheating, there's nothing classy about them. Depending on their proximity to the wedding who wants to spend their last prep day or two, or even their actual wedding day, hung over?

peroxidebrown · 06/01/2017 23:22

MissVictoria

There's no fancy dress and no need for a passport, costs are not out of the way. And I'm not going to cheat. I just feel annoyed that people expect the effort when it's them but won't do the same back especially when they claim to be best friends.

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MissVictoria · 06/01/2017 23:24

Tbh it is unreasonable of you, just because they are a bridesmaid or you went to theirs doesn't obligate them to spend a load of money coming on a night out. Some people might genuinely just not fancy going out drinking, depending on age or even just mood not everyone fancies a boozy night, and others, especially if they've had kids since their weddings, might not have the money or want to spend a night out drinking away from their kids who have routines.

EmmaC78 · 06/01/2017 23:25

Hi, sorry so many people have pulled out. To be honest I hardly ever go to hen do's that I am invited to. It doesn't mean I don't like the person. It is just not my sort of thing and I have other commitments at the weekend which means it is difficult for me to be away. It is far better to be with a small number of people who genuinely want to be there rather than with lots of people who don;t enjoy that sort of thing. Hope you have a nice night away.

EmeraldIsle100 · 06/01/2017 23:25

I would go out and have a good time with the girls who are coming and then quite honestly I would sack the 2 bridesmaids. You are spot on, they wanted a big do for their hen do's and can't be arsed making an effort for you. Sounds brutal, but that is what it is. I wouldn't consider them real friends.

I would definitely tailor your plans for a smaller do and you will have a really nice time with people who care about you.

Congratulations and enjoy yourself. Life is too short to put up with fakes.

MissVictoria · 06/01/2017 23:26

You're making it way too personal, especially with an "I went to theirs/made them bridesmaid so they owe me to come" attitude.

KurlyWurly88 · 06/01/2017 23:27

The 6 who are coming will be up for it! There's nothing worse than someone on a night out who doesn't want to be there! Have a fab night!

peroxidebrown · 06/01/2017 23:28

EmeraldIsle

That's exactly how I feel, they even chose the bloody city we are going to before deciding at a later date they couldn't afford it!

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BIgBagofJelly · 06/01/2017 23:29

I'm sorry I can understand feeling hurt, doesn't sound like you're being a bridezilla. It does sound a bit rubbish of your bridesmaids to be honest. I remember really not wanting to go to a friend's hen party (I had a young DS who didn't sleep well and I was just exhausted and would have rather slept) but made the effort as she would have for me. As long as it's not ridiculously extravagant I think people should make the effort if they can.

allchattedout · 06/01/2017 23:34

You're making it way too personal, especially with an "I went to theirs/made them bridesmaid so they owe me to come" attitude

To be fair, I would take it personally too. Hen-dos are fucking shit for the most part (don't think I have truly enjoyed a single one) but I would go for the sake of my friend. I would feel pretty gutted if they didn't come to mine.

peroxidebrown · 06/01/2017 23:36

Exactly allchattedout it is personal it's called making an effort and showing up for your friends. I've traipsed around on hen dos for my friends and slapped a smile on my face to make sure my friend has had a good night- I just think the individuals (not the bridesmaids who I could do a whole other thread about) think "oh it won't matter if I don't go" and now virtually no one is turning up and it's too late to cancel it and I feel a bit sick about it all.

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Surreyblah · 06/01/2017 23:41

Do the ones who have declined or cancelled have DC now?

peroxidebrown · 06/01/2017 23:43

No they don't have children they are claiming poverty and I know they can spend their money how they wish but they're still out spending on luxuries and days out. As I said, they suggested the place we booked to go to.

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MissBattleaxe · 06/01/2017 23:43

YABU.

It's a night out-not a test to see how much people like you. Your bridesmaids could be really skint after Christmas. Coming to your wedding is likely to be costing them too. Just because you went to theirs isn't a reason, They might be skint and too embarrassed to tell the world their reason.

CakesRUs · 06/01/2017 23:44

Bit rough of the bridesmaids to pull out though.

KayTee87 · 06/01/2017 23:46

TBH I think it's shit of your bridesmaids to not come op. Try not to worry and just enjoy yourself anyway. Where is it? I might come.

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KayTee87 · 06/01/2017 23:49

Also only 5 of us went on my friends hen and it was great. I had 30odd as I had to invite dh whole family and I'd rather it had been smaller.

smellyboot · 06/01/2017 23:50

Id feel the same. Not sure what to say. Too late to amend plans? Is it soon?

BackforGood · 06/01/2017 23:51

Youve just said yourselve you've gone to them and not enjoyed them.... why then would you inflict the same sort of thing on others ?
It would be interesting to know what you have planned / booked.
Though, a night out with 6 sounds much better than a night with 12 or 20, tbh - much more sociable.

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