Kids ignoring each other on individual tablets, whilst meant to be having a playdate...

[TheMouseTheBirdAndTheSausage]

(I hope this is supposed to be put here, sorry if not, I'm new to Mumsnet).

Today my six year old, (for reference she's my charge not my daughter), had a friend over, also six. We braved the cold weather for a morning playing outside, and then came in around lunch time to get warm and dry. After lunch I went to sort laundry, etc and left them building a fort in her bedroom. When I went to check on them about 30 mins later, I found them at either end of the den, both on separate tablets (one watching a video, and the other playing games) completely ignoring each other! At which point I made them hand over the tablets, and gave them a talk about politeness and being sociable...

It's not like my charge has friends over all the time, it's actually very rare that we have anyone round. I remember loving having friends over when I was little, and never wanting to stop playing, being really sad when they or had to leave. It really shocked me that they could be so antisocial, especially so young. I know technology is just a part of life now, and of course kids should use it, but it makes me sad that it seems to be turning them into little recluses.

[Babybeesmama]

Yanbu.. We ban iPads when we have friends/family over. They have their place don't get me wrong.. but I find my 2 get whingy & stroppy if they are on them more than 20 mins! And it's very anti-social when they have a friend there.

X

[TheMouseTheBirdAndTheSausage]

That sounds sensible Babybeesmama. I will be making sure all tablets etc are handed to me before friends come over in future. I suppose it never occurred to me, as she doesn't normally go on it when I'm with her. She always wants to talk or play with me, or we are just so busy she doesn't have the time to go on a tablet. But lesson learned, I shall be more vigilant in future!

[PippaFawcett]

YANBU. We went to see friends and their DC who live a couple
of hours away for an afternoon and they let their DC play on their tablets practically the whole time we were there. My DC were bored and disappointed - we didn't have theirs with us - and the other DC wouldn't share. I won't bother making the effort again, what was the point of that visit? It kept their DC out of their hair but it meant mine weren't occupied.

[TheMouseTheBirdAndTheSausage]

That's what made me feel so sad about it itsmine. They're far too young to be so jaded!! I did manage to get them playing again, but that really shouldn't be necessary!

[ChocChocPorridge]

If they're not playing together I'd have done the same thing.

Mind you, I once went off to find my (then 4 or 5 year old) son and his best mate, following voices, I found them both sat, shut in my wardrobe ipad on both their knees, playing angry birds together - they were so encouraging with each other (Wow! Good shot! That was awesome! Try a bit further over, ARgghg, try again) that I just snuck away and left them to it a bit longer.

[Fairylea]

I would have done the same thing.

When they get to teenage it's a bit harder (I'm joking, I don't take their tablets off them). It does make me laugh though. Dd aged 13 has her friend round and they sit on her bed both on their own iPads snapchatting everyone they just spent the day with at school....

[TheMouseTheBirdAndTheSausage]

That sounds absolutely awful PippaFawcett! I can't that much tablet time is very good for little one's development. I visualise a sad dystopian future where the human race dies out because everyone is ignoring each other whilst watching YouTube videos!

[PippaFawcett]

We are all addicted to our devices. I was actually quite pissed off. My DC were so excited to see them and I wanted my friend to confiscate the tablets because it wasn't appropriate, not because I grumbled. So I kept schtum.

[TheMouseTheBirdAndTheSausage]

ChocChocPorridge If they had been doing something together then I would have done the same that you did with your son. That would be completey different, but they weren't even sitting near each other or interacting with each other at all.

Hahaha Yes, teenagers are a strange bunch of people Fairylea!!!

[Cagliostro]

YANBU I would have done the same

[TheMouseTheBirdAndTheSausage]

Completely agree with you!! It's so sad that your friend didn't realise how upset it made you all.

[MistressMerryWeather]

I can't see anything wrong with half an hour on a tablet in this case.

They had been out all morning, had a nice lunch and decided to chill out with their tablets.

No different to them relaxing in front of the TV or reading a book in terms of ignoring each other.

[KlingybunFistelvase]

Yanbu; to me it does seem a little pointless to have a friend over if you just end up playing on your own anyway. I'd probably take the tablets away on future too.

I was out for a meal recently and a 7yo boy I was with was glued to an iPad throughout the whole meal, despite there being lots of other children there including his sister. It didn't bother me per se, but I did find it a bit antisocial. Also, I once saw a pre-teen at a religious service watching videos really loudly on a phone. Again, it didn't necessarily bother me, but I did think it was a teeny bit strange.

[TheMouseTheBirdAndTheSausage]

I can see your point MistressMerryWeather, however I wouldn't allow TV or books when friends are round. We don't often have anyone to play, and perhaps you think I'm wrong, but I don't see the point of having a friend over when she is just going to ignore them even for half an hour. Especially as she wears me out with the need for constant attention and interaction everyday, and moans about not having friends over to play more often (BTW it is not through my choice that she doesn't have people over more often).

[Isadora2007]

I think you are being a bit unreasonable. They were enjoying each other's company albeit on tablets. I'd have given and half hour chill time then said it was off the tablets for a bit.
My friend and I used to sit reading my Topsy and Tom books whilst she was at mine for a play. It was nice and relaxed.

[Isadora2007]

*topsy and Tim books.

[TheMouseTheBirdAndTheSausage]

KlingybunFistelvase that's exactly what I was thinking.

I know that sort of thing is supposed to be the normal now, but I can't help thinking that it's rude.

[TheMouseTheBirdAndTheSausage]

Isadora2007 I don't feel they were enjoying each other's company though. I completely get what you're saying, I used to have friends I woukd sit and chill with as a child too. But this seemed different.. they weren't even facing each other, they may as well have been in different rooms.

[DailyFaily]

If she doesn't have people over often then she just doesn't know the etiquette and potentially found it difficult to have someone to 'entertain' . I would've done the same as you because you're there to support her to learn this stuff. I do let my son watch TV/films with his friends because they usually chatter on throughout it anyway, I also let them play 2 player games on the PlayStation

[Isadora2007]

That's your take on it but that doesn't mean it Is true though.

Modern society means that our children will grow up needing to balance their tablets and phones as well as active face to face communication... this won't be done by narrow minded blanket bans. But rather help to manage time and relationships alongside their devices.
Also as a parent if the child minder saw fit to take my child's device from them when I had given it to them knowing they had a play date I might not be chuffed.

[TheMouseTheBirdAndTheSausage]

That's a really good point DailyFaily. I keep asking if we can have more playdates, I will persist, maybe she just needs to get the hang of it.

It's interesting to hear how other people manage tv/films/video games etc. We don't tend to do much TV or anything like that, on the instructions of their parents, although I do allow a little bit when they need some down time. I completely get how those sort of things could be incorporated into time with friends so long as they weren't totally ignoring each other.

[TheMouseTheBirdAndTheSausage]

I see your point Isadora2007 and will definitely take this on board.

I'm actually a nanny not a childminder, and the parents were as horrified as I was when I told them about it.

[MistressMerryWeather]

There is nothing sad or horrifying about it though.

This sort of micro-managing and formal 'play dating' didn't happen when I was growing up and I have never seen it with any of my DS's friends.

It's like children must be doing something productive Every. Single. Second of the day. So much so that two little girls relaxing in the fort they have built for half an hour has become a horrifying thing.

Spending time doing something quiet isn't ignoring each other. Sometimes it's OK to just let them be.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

I would've just let them be for half an hour then called them to do something else.

You clearly haven't seen a room full of teens recently, you'd faint!