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Would I be creepy to contact her again?

(49 Posts)
LittleMermaidRose Fri 06-Jan-17 17:55:28

*I posted this in What Would You Do but only got one response so I thought I'd share here & see what you all thought.*

I met my childhood friend when I was 6 years old - we're 26 now. We were really good friends for all of primary & high school, until the very last year of high school when we started to drift apart. No fall outs or anything, we just seemed to be going our separate ways, & then she got a job overseas. We didn't have very much contact after that. just a few comments or emails on Facebook.

I see her occasionally when she's visiting back home, but only when she pops into the shop I work at (she always asks other staff members to get me so she can speak to me personally).

Last time I seen her she told me she would be in town for 3 months, so I asked if she would like to meet up for lunch/coffee. She said she would love to & we agreed to arrange it over Facebook as I had to get back to work.
I emailed her that same day & I she never replied, so a week later I gave her a call. She sounded absolutely thrilled that I had called her (something I was quite nervous about doing as it had been so long) & we had a good chat for around 30 mins. She told me she would be free all the next week so I was to let her know what day worked for me best (once I got my shifts for the next week).

I couple days after the phone call I texted her saying I was free any day - no reply.
Another few days later I texted again (cause I thought maybe she just didn't get my message), but still no reply.

I spoke to one of our mutual friends about it & she said "oh she's really bad for not replying to texts, she does that to me too, just text her again".
This friend also told me how my childhood friend had gushed to her about how lovely it was that I had called her, & she had told her we had been planning to meet up.

So a couple of weeks later I did, & I still didn't get a reply.

I'm not sure what to do..
I would really like for us to catch up properly, we really were great friends! I understand maybe she's just very busy atm but I don't know why she would ignore my texts. I'm feeling quite hurt by this.

I thought perhaps she was just being polite in saying she would like to meet up properly, but then I don't know why she would make the effort to stop by my work to chat if she didn't want to see me.

I don't want to seem desperate or creepy by sending another text.
What would you do?

HecateAntaia Fri 06-Jan-17 17:59:44

Id leave it.
Either she is just being polite or she'sa total flake
I don't think it's a good idea to harass or beg someone to spend time with you. They either want to or they don't.
Forget about her and focus on people who seem to want to hang out.

Deadsouls Fri 06-Jan-17 18:00:51

I think I would leave it and not text again. Regardless of the reasons why she is not replying:busy, flaky etc, the fact is she hasn't replied to your texts.
You have clearly said that you are available and she hasn't responded to you. Therefore you are unable to make a date to meet, even though you want to. It's 2 people to fix an appointment!
I wouldn't say it was creepy as such but how many more times are you going to tell her you're free.
I have a friend (ex-friend) like this who is really crap, never gets back to me, really flaky. And I did tell him how I felt about it but nothing changed. I'm sorry to say that your enthusiasm to meet is not reciprocated. If she wants to meet up let her make an effort. She has to meet you half way, you're doing all the work right now!

GeillisTheWitch Fri 06-Jan-17 18:05:04

Try phoning her rather than texting. Maybe she's just scatty at replying to texts. If she gives you the brush off on the phone then you'll know where you stand for sure.

SnatchedPencil Fri 06-Jan-17 18:12:18

Personally I'd leave it, but it's up to you. Some people really are that disorganised that they won't respond to texts or calls even after they've suggested you text or call them.

It wouldn't be "creepy" as such if you called her, but unfortunately she is not as interested as you are in rekindling your friendship. Perhaps she's just not bothered about you, perhaps she really would love to but is just too busy with life as it is now. Either way, it's not a priority for her.

If it were me I would probably leave it for now, think that it was her loss, but leave the door open for the future. People need old friends at different points in their lives. In a year or two she may realise that as she gets older, the link to her youth becomes more important.

Softkitty2 Fri 06-Jan-17 18:33:33

Don't contact her. I don't know who she thinks she is.

EvaSthlm Fri 06-Jan-17 19:09:18

You know she was thrilled that you called her, and wanted to catch up. You also know from the friend she can't handle texting that she forgets to reply. You also know that you yourself want to catch up. I'd say you ought to call her again, good friends are far in between and it's known childhood friends often make good long-term friends. Some people just don't like to text, and if you're good friends, you might want to oversee with that flaw in your friend. If you call, you can ask if she's even seen your texts and might learn why she doesn't like it.

LittleMermaidRose Fri 06-Jan-17 20:19:17

Yeah, I've been thinking to myself that I probably shouldn't bother trying again..
But it does make me sad cause we used to be such good friends, it makes me wonder why doesn't want to give that friendship a chance again.

Strongmummy Fri 06-Jan-17 20:30:15

Call her and arrange the date on the phone

MunchMunch Fri 06-Jan-17 20:32:14

I'd leave it tbh.

I had a similar friendship that drifted off, once I had ds1.

I hadn't seen her for about 7 years when my dm and her dm (also friends who'd drifted apart) met up. She came out to see me in the car while I picked dm up and we were talking for about 10 minutes. Later, I sent her a friends request and message on Facebook saying we should meet up for a coffee but she ignored me and didn't accept my friends request. I was gutted and felt embarrassed that I'd jumped straight in asking to go for a coffee rather than small talk but although it hurts I've accepted she doesn't want anything to do with me.

UpWithPup Fri 06-Jan-17 20:34:42

I would maybe send her a message on Facebook, something along the lines of "tried to text you a couple of times, but haven't heard back. Hope everything is OK" - then give up. She might have changed her number, maybe?

Salmotrutta Fri 06-Jan-17 20:38:24

After two texts with no reply I'd have actually called and tried to speak to her.

I have one particular friend who is rubbish at returning texts because she has a full on job and often replies days later!

At least if you call and speak to her you can suss out the lay of the land. And if she doesn't pick up then you can just leave the ball in her court.

bananaqueen Fri 06-Jan-17 20:40:19

I'm with upwithpup
Unfortunately I am exactly the same as your friend, and I hate myself for it. I read a message and think I'll reply in a minute and a week or so later I remember.... either a phone call or a message on Facebook 👍

EastMidsMummy Fri 06-Jan-17 20:43:38

She loved seeing you. You want to see her. Try again, but not with a text. She's probably just shit at keeping in touch with people and a bit embarrassed she hasn't.

theclockticksslowly Fri 06-Jan-17 20:44:53

I'd call her. You said she sounded genuinely pleased to talk to you the last time. Yes it probably seems like you're doing all the work but perhaps she really is someone who doesn't do texts or is a bit scatty in terms of remembering to reply to them. It's not great but it is nice to still be in touch with childhood friends.

Bluebolt Fri 06-Jan-17 20:47:46

I would phone the once and then call it a day with no hard feelings . I know people like her but I do not have the time to waste.

user1475439961 Fri 06-Jan-17 20:53:32

Leave it. Hopefully she'll get in touch with you and if not, you know that you've tried your best.

maggiethemagpie Fri 06-Jan-17 20:54:15

I'd leave this. I had this recently with a friend, messaged her a couple of times about meeting up and she never got back to me. I actually think it's rather rude. One time, you can forget but two or more is either deliberate ignoring or just general rudeness/can't-be-botheredyness which I think is the case here.

It's bad for the soul to go chasing after people who don't give a shit, IMHO.

EastMidsMummy Fri 06-Jan-17 20:56:17

I agree that it's rude, but sometimes friends are rude to each other. Friends are too precious to lose.

Liara Fri 06-Jan-17 20:58:13

I get very irate messages on my current phone for some previous owner who now 'never answers phone or texts' - er, no, as she no longer has the number.

I myself can go for weeks without receiving a text, as I usually keep my phone on plane mode and use wifi, which gets me whatsapp etc. but the text messages don't come through.

Don't write her off just because she hasn't responded to those particular messages.

Daisyfrumps Fri 06-Jan-17 20:58:23

It's bad for the soul to go chasing after people who don't give a shit, IMHO.

Ha! Love this Maggie smile

Boudiccaiceni Fri 06-Jan-17 21:00:43

I would leave it.
I know people who are 'scatty' and 'not great at replying'. I have noticed these people are selective about their scattiness!

Backt0Black Fri 06-Jan-17 21:03:34

I'd seriously leave it, I think she's not bothered to reply 4 times now? She has your number, if she was in any way keen to meetup she'd reply. Her loss.

ArcheryAnnie Fri 06-Jan-17 21:05:30

I'd call her! You have been told by another friend of hers that she's useless about replying to texts - some people are. She is very likely grateful that you've been persistent!

NoJimmyProtested Fri 06-Jan-17 21:07:30

I think its a psychology thing that we should mirror back the behaviour that people are giving out. If we don't it tips things out of balance and that rarely goes well.

I have an acquaintance who calls and texts me all the time even though i almost never respond. I don't respond because i dont value him at all and I want to. Harsh but true. I respond just fine to people who I do value. If you meant that much to her and she really wanted to get in touch then she would. Ouch. Fuck her OP, just crack on with people who do care.

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