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to think that being aggressive so publicly is as bad as poor etiquette? (Fair warning: Facebook related)

(47 Posts)
11VipersVaping Fri 06-Jan-17 16:46:27

Name changed for privacy.

*dons hard hat*

I saw this on my newsfeed this morning from someone I get on quite well with. The status was accompanied by a link to an etiquette blog(!!).

AIBU to think that posting a passive aggressive status for everyone to see is just as poor form as not sending a thank you note?

Everyone seems to do things online these days so is a thank you note sent digitally really that outrageous? Does that take anything away from the sentiment or the words used? Or am I just common as muck?

EdithWeston Fri 06-Jan-17 16:51:04

Yes, a public complaint is vulgar.

But she is totally right to feel down when her generosity hasn't even been acknowledged.

It really shouldn't take long to write a thank you letter, and it's not exactly something that comes as a surprise task. If you can plan a wedding you can plan to find time to write prompt thanks.

JumpingJellybeanz Fri 06-Jan-17 16:52:55

Gosh that's harsh. I didn't send out any thank you notes after I got married it. I meant. I bought some lovely cards for it. But my mental health nosedived afterwards and by the time I'd recovered it felt too late. I'd be gutted if one of my guests posted that.

KellyBoo800 Fri 06-Jan-17 16:56:47

YANBU! How rude!

They even acknowledge that they had been thanked on occasion via Facebook or messenger...but they have deemed that not to be good enough. I think it's very rude not to thank people but times are changing and I don't think anyone should be able to dictate how they are thanked!

littlepeas Fri 06-Jan-17 17:04:53

Her post is very vulgar and poorly written, but I think she is right to feel the recipients have been rude not to thank her. It would have been classier to have kept her feelings private though.

AllPowerfulLizardPerson Fri 06-Jan-17 17:05:12

If it was a personal email via FB or whatever, that's just a different delivery method of a letter.

If it was however just a general post to all who gave them stuff, then that's a bit shit really.

(illness following wedding of course excuses you from sending thanks immediately, but it should still be done when you are recovered enough to write)

Note3 Fri 06-Jan-17 17:05:38

I may go against the grain in saying this but I see her point. I busted a gut after I got married so as to send out personalised thank you cards. I felt it was the least I could do for people's kindness in giving gifts and money. I'm quite gobsmacked at how people no longer feel a formal thank you is needed and yet often the same people complain that society is becoming less considerate and thoughtful.

OhhBetty Fri 06-Jan-17 17:06:47

I think my hatred for passive aggressive Facebook status's outweighs my hatred of not receiving a thank you!

OhhBetty Fri 06-Jan-17 17:07:42

Actually it may be about equal grin

SmellySphinx Fri 06-Jan-17 17:08:57


If I buy someone a gift all I want to know is wether or not they have received it.
I don't need endless thank you notes or messages!
Fucks sake, a simple text from someone to say "Thank you" is more than enough.
Don't whine and moan about thank you notes if you totally and honestly, hand on heart "give not to recieve"
This person sounds like a right dick to be honest!

AllPowerfulLizardPerson Fri 06-Jan-17 17:10:13

Sorry, that last bit in brackets must come across way more bossily than I meant it - I was saying (badly) that if course it's OK to put off normal social stuff when you are ill, and people who are close enough to you to be invited to your wedding will know and should understand what's up.

Though getting your DH, or anyone who will step up, to send at least an acknowledgement of stuff that was delivered directly to you from a store is probably prudent. Buried in that post in OP was also the point that if you don't say what you got, then the sender doesn't know if you received the right thing and there may be time limits on getting it rectified.

CaptainMarvelDanvers Fri 06-Jan-17 17:10:49

A thank you isn't worth less just because it's not posted on a piece of card.

mambono5 Fri 06-Jan-17 17:15:35

Is it rude not to send a thank you note for a wedding gift? yes.

Even if the couple take time during the day to open all the presents/ letters and thank everybody in person (and I've never seen anyone doing that during their wedding reception), a little note is basic manner. It does not take that long to write a few line to each guest. Yes, it takes time, but if you have time to plan a wedding, you have time ( to thank people.

Is that facebook person wrong to rant on facebook? Not really, she is not having an argument with anyone specific, she is ranting. We all do, not always on FB though.

So YABU. I don't think she is rude, people who are happy to take a gift but don't bother thanking their guests are.

mereswinesaliva Fri 06-Jan-17 17:18:58

I send thank you letters, but I have to acknowledge that times-are-a-changing and electronic thank you notes are not inherently rude, any more than a personal email is rude because it's not a handwritten letter (there were plenty people saying it was rude back in the day but it's become normalised).

Some people like the fact that electronic communication saves trees/money.

If this woman gets THAT upset about the way in which she is thanked, she needs to be upfront when giving gifts that her gifts come with strings and expectations attached.

Megatherium Fri 06-Jan-17 17:23:39

Has she only just put that up? I don't get why she waits till 2017 to start moaning about things that happened in 2014-15. That's epic grudge-bearing.

Foureyesarebetterthantwo Fri 06-Jan-17 17:24:21

Judging by my Christmas card haul this year, posted cards are dead (that or I am suddenly very unpopular). Only one of these five seems like they didn't acknowledge the gift, meaning the others did and responded on Facebook/Messenger. I think that's fine but I'm not that interested in getting a mass written postal notecard saying 'thanks for the diamante loo roll holder, it's just what our new married house needs!'

PerspicaciaTick Fri 06-Jan-17 17:25:12

I think failing to thank someone for a personal gift is awful. Rude, grabby and thoughtless. There will always be situations in which someone maybe physically or emotionally unable to thank me, which is forgivable. But in general, if you are lucky enough to get a gift then you say (or write) thank you.

EpoxyResin Fri 06-Jan-17 17:26:49

I kind of like it. Although I would totally piss her off having never sent a thank you card for anything and only ever offering thanks for anything over Facebook. I still think it's a smirk-inducing and pleasantly frank status. I'd "like" that!

FourKidsNotCrazyYet Fri 06-Jan-17 17:28:23

I can see her point actually. They may well be expensive gifts too. I sent a Vera Wang jewellery box to my friends daughter for her 18th. I'm still really quite annoyed that they didn't say that's you. In any format. Won't bother again!

PovertyPain Fri 06-Jan-17 17:30:37

I'm just thinking that she has now lost at least five friends after that childish strop. 😆
What a wally.

mambono5 Fri 06-Jan-17 17:32:01

only ever offering thanks for anything over Facebook

I hope you are being sarcastic, with so many people not on there.

OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay Fri 06-Jan-17 17:33:31

A bride I knew once wrote an entire passive aggressive blog post about how she hadn't been given enough money for her wedding, and posted it on FB for us all to see.

I was very tempted to tell her that, next time, she should charge for tickets. Absolutely classless, and embarrassing for her, the groom and all her guests.

EweAreHere Fri 06-Jan-17 17:34:32


She wants 'thank yous' her way, and her way only. She is asserting that 'thank yous' via FB, messaging, etc don't 'count'.

You don't get to dictate how people say thank you.

A thank you is a thank you, and doesn't have be be relayed more than once.

EpoxyResin Fri 06-Jan-17 17:36:41

mambono5 I wasn't being sarcastic; I have never had cause to thank anyone (except in person of course) who wasn't on my Facebook. Generational thing perhaps, but probably just the company I keep.

KatharinaRosalie Fri 06-Jan-17 17:40:55

so she has received acknowledgements and thank yous, but apparently the format was not to her liking. It's not 1950's, no need to kill trees, electronic is totally fine.

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