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AIBU about my friend's brunch request?

(31 Posts)
alexa1789 Fri 06-Jan-17 16:14:24

Sorry, this is more of a WWYD - I'm new and not sure where else to post!

It was my friend's birthday in December and my gift to her was to take her out for a bottomless brunch somewhere nice. I tried to schedule it in for January but she's doing Dry January. She suggested we do it in late Feb, and that we celebrate both our birthdays then (mine is in March) and I would pay for her and she would pay for me, and that we could go somewhere really fancy.

I'm not sure whether to accept. I'm worried she's just offering because she'd feel awkward me paying for the whole thing, even though it was my idea (she's quite money conscious). She's a really lovely friend that way, but I intended it to just be a treat for her rather than her paying for half.

I'm also aware I don't want to be insulting or patronising by refusing, or second guessing her reason for wanting to pay for me.

I feel like I'm worrying about nothing, and it's probably a straightforward case of a good friend making a lovely gesture, but was just wondering how others would respond?

prettywhiteguitar Fri 06-Jan-17 16:17:50

Well you could say that you're happy to pay and graciously will accept a present for your birthday!

TheGhostsOfPresidentsYetToCome Fri 06-Jan-17 16:17:59

I think that sounds perfect.

My friends and I started doing this a few years ago. We pick a date in the middle of our birthdays and go somewhere nice instead of buying useless tat for each other.

I think you should accept and have a great time!

monkeywithacowface Fri 06-Jan-17 16:18:36

Personally I think it's a great suggestion. Two friends celebrating both their birthdays together and sharing the cost. Both of you still get to enjoy the experience and each others company. It's a sensible idea because it cuts down on present giving costs for everyone.

Butterymuffin Fri 06-Jan-17 16:19:27

I'd suggest that two outings, one for each birthday, would be even nicer. So you take her out end of January for hers, and she can take you out in March. Double the fun! You can negotiate later over it being a really fancy place or not.

ShatnersBassoon Fri 06-Jan-17 16:21:19

It seems a bit of a non-gift for both of you if you're just going halves on a meal out. That's what friends do anyway.

I'd stick with keeping it as a treat for her. She can come up with her own idea for your birthday.

NotWeavingButDarning Fri 06-Jan-17 16:22:34

Don't see the problem really? I doubt she has deep ulterior motives, it sounds like a nice idea to me. Go with it!

JustSpeakSense Fri 06-Jan-17 16:35:51

It sounds like a lovely idea.

I don't see how you can refuse her suggestion without appearing ungrateful and a bit pushy.

I'd go along with it and buy her a really special birthday gift next year to make up for this year being a bit of a non gift birthday fur you both.

ApocalypseNowt Fri 06-Jan-17 16:38:06

It's a nice idea.

Me and my best friend do something similar. Except we try to buy each other tickets to something that person wouldn't go to otherwise.

So last year we saw Bette Middler and Nelly (on different nights obvs). We both had a fabulous time at the other's 'night'! grin

KnockMeDown Fri 06-Jan-17 16:40:08

I'm guessing that if you pay for both of you, she will need to reciprocate, and doesn't want to spend that much, or maybe can's afford it?

I think her suggestions sounds fine - I can't see a problem with it.

dollydaydream114 Fri 06-Jan-17 16:41:06

I think it sounds like a nice idea and I think maybe you're over-thinking it. Having a joint brunch and going halves is a lovely way to celebrate - you're both adults, after all, so I don't think you need to be too hung up on having to make sure that what you do to celebrate has a 'gift' element to it.

Even if she is just doing it because she'll feel awkward if you pay for the whole thing, just accept that this is how she feels. It's honestly not that much of a treat doing something that makes you feel guilty/awkward (even if there's no need for you to feel that way) and if she feels more comfortable having a joint thing and going halves, I'd just go with it if I were you.

Iggi999 Fri 06-Jan-17 16:41:19

If you say no you are saying that she needs to think of a present for your birthday.

SapphireStrange Fri 06-Jan-17 16:44:00

I'd suggest two brunches, one each.

esiotrot2015 Fri 06-Jan-17 16:44:00

Your overthinking just enjoy yourself !

Why would she need to drink at brunch though isn't it at about 11?!

helensburgh Fri 06-Jan-17 16:45:48

I think you are over thinking it.
Sounds a lovely idea

Giddyaunt18 Fri 06-Jan-17 16:46:17

It's just going halves on a meal out. I think it's nicer than trying to find the right gift. Your offer was lovely and generous but it if she can't reciprocate it might feel awkward for her. Just accept the change and have a lovely time.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Fri 06-Jan-17 16:46:48

Apocalypse for some reason the idea of Bette Middler and Nelly on the same night has made me actually snort out loud grin

OP, me and my friend with a close birthday do this all the time - we call it 'the gift of time' so no-one feels like they aren't getting a present.

665TheNeighbourOfTheBeast Fri 06-Jan-17 16:48:07

what about you buy main - she buys dessert ? which would mean you probably would actually have dessert and so treat yourself - ( just saying because I often find it really hard to treat myself to a nice dessert) but it wouldn't cost as much as the main course and so you / she wouldn't feel bad about the spend difference?
whereas two meals = double the cost
or you could even have main and dessert in separate restaurants so you both choose somewhere ?

LockedOutOfMN Fri 06-Jan-17 16:48:10

esiotrot2015 It's a bottomless brunch i.e. unlimited alcohol (usually stuff like mimosas, Bellinis, bloody Marys).

OP, you could say to your friend, "I was really hoping to ask you for an x for my birthday." (Insert name of gift that's slightly cheaper than the brunch and therefore more affordable for your friend).

Birthdaypartyangstiness Fri 06-Jan-17 16:49:02

Going halfs (or "paying for each other") is a sensible grown up birthday treat for people who want to wind down reciprocal gift giving. If someone suggests this its probably most polite to accept, rather than thinking too hard about their budget etc.

LivingOnTheDancefloor Fri 06-Jan-17 16:49:23

Go for it, don't overthink

Giddyaunt18 Fri 06-Jan-17 16:52:18

I really don't think gifts should be engineered. Just go out and enjoy. Much nicer on equal terms than worrying about what to order because someone else is paying. If someone takes me out to dinner, I always order at the cheaper end. I just can't bring myself to order expensive stuff on someone else. So, if I'm paying for myself there is no guilt and more fun.

RB68 Fri 06-Jan-17 16:57:40

Just do it - the real gift is of time to each other

esiotrot2015 Fri 06-Jan-17 17:01:28

I have never heard of a bottomless brunch but clearly I need it in my life grin

WhoKn0wsWhereTheTimeG0es Fri 06-Jan-17 17:01:38

I agree that maybe it's her way of saying she wants to phase out gift giving, I've no idea how much a bottomless brunch costs (never heard of it before!) but it seems like quite a lavish gift, to me that would be pretty unusual. I would accept gratefully and then maybe have a chat on the day about how nice it is celebrating your birthdays together and maybe you could do similar next year instead of gifts.

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