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To ask DH not to go out tonight?

(53 Posts)
Rockandahardplace123 Fri 06-Jan-17 13:08:11

I think I probably am, but I am as miserable as sin over here. I have grim morning sickness, which lasts all day but is particularly revolting in the evenings. DH has been an absolute star; he's looked after DD pretty much on his own for much of the Christmas holidays and every night when he gets in from work, he does dinner and bath and bed while I collapse in a nauseous heap. I suggested that when I was better he maybe booked a week skiing with friends or something to have a break - he really has been amazing - but sadly that time has not yet arrived.

This evening, a friend of DH's is visiting London and a few of them are planning to go out for dinner. This friend lives perhaps 6 hours away. We try to visit him and his family once or twice a year. They haven't visited us for perhaps 8 years or so but that isn't a problem - they are very nice people and am very happy to drive to their part of the UK under normal circumstances. I only mention it to point out that it's not a small undertaking, and one to which they not unreasonably feel they haven't been able to commit. I am feeling so horrible, though, that I'm not sure how the hell I'm going to make it to DD's bedtime today. I feel very guilty asking him to come home - he really deserves a break - but even if he came home at normal time, I would be counting down the minutes until he walked in the door. To top the whole bloody thing off, DD is also ill and extra cross. We are collectively an absolute joy in our house today - can you tell?

I'm being unreasonable to ask him not to go to dinner, aren't I? I have obviously also missed out on all the Christmas social events/parties, but I do at least get to see some friends because I have to try to take DD out of the house in order just to get through the day at the moment, and so we do have some days where we go to the park with other local friends etc.

Do I just need to woman up?

Whitney168 Fri 06-Jan-17 13:09:32

Sorry, sounds grim, but yes YABU. Hope a miracle happens and you have an easier day.

bonfireheart Fri 06-Jan-17 13:10:52

Take DD to bed with you, surround her with snacks, books, toys, music and am sure she will be fine!

SheldonCRules Fri 06-Jan-17 13:11:33

Yes, let him go. It's one night.

Save your energy and don't go out during the day and have a DVD etc.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Fri 06-Jan-17 13:11:33

It's not easy to answer because it must be miserable for you, but on balance I think yes YABU.

NanFlanders Fri 06-Jan-17 13:12:07

You poor thing. I still think he should go though. He will need a break too, and, as you say, it's a big deal. Do you live near family? Friends? Anyone else who could come round?

Thattimeofyearagain Fri 06-Jan-17 13:12:24

With the best will in the world, yes you need to let him go. But is there anything he can do to make it easier for you ?

BastardGoDarkly Fri 06-Jan-17 13:12:29

Yywbu to ask him to cancel I think.

Yes, you'll be counting down the minutes, but it's only really a few hours, you'll cope, and he deserves to go out and see his friends.

Hope it's a peaceful one for you flowers

ElspethFlashman Fri 06-Jan-17 13:13:34

Tbh unless it's hyperemesis (it's not clear from your OP whether it's nausea or head constantly in the loo), I'd let him go.

blueskyinmarch Fri 06-Jan-17 13:13:57

I think you need to dig deep here and let your DH have his night out. Don’t plan anything - duvet on the sofa, whatever DD wants (within reason) to play with and to eat. Cut out extra stuff like bath time. Try and get her down early and off to bed yourself. You can do it.

early30smum Fri 06-Jan-17 13:13:59

YANBU because morning sickness is awful, but I'd let him go, grit your teeth and get through until bedtime with your DD. DVDS, a dinner that doesn't involve cooking and as early to bed as possible! Your DH will really appreciate being able to go.

Itsjustaphase2016 Fri 06-Jan-17 13:14:45

Yep you do to woman up! It's horrid but most of us have been there! I had hyperemisis and my DH was never ever in for bed times of the older children (they were 2 and 1 when I was pregnant). You'll get through! Be brace!

Itsjustaphase2016 Fri 06-Jan-17 13:14:55

Brave

NotAPuffin Fri 06-Jan-17 13:15:22

Get a babysitter.

Rockandahardplace123 Fri 06-Jan-17 13:21:10

Notapuffin, I would absolutely love to - I would probably offer them a sizeable proportion of my worldly goods right now - but we live in the middle of nowhere. Sitters.co.uk can't help - they don't have anyone in the area who will come out as far as us. (Not that I've been begging them down the phone or anything...) I know you're probably all right. I just feel so guilty. DD has watched hours and hours and hours of TV this week. Please tell me it's normal under these circumstances, yes?

coldcanary Fri 06-Jan-17 13:22:21

Been there myself and it's awful but yes you would be U I'm afraid! Do what it takes to get DD settled - TV, snacks,toys, computer, whatever, take both of you to bed and set up camp for the evening.
Do only what you need to do and no more until tomorrow flowers

Peanutandphoenix Fri 06-Jan-17 13:24:42

Yabu let you dp go to dinner you'll be fine on your own for a few hours just get dd some snacks toys and DVD's and spend the day in bed.

coldcanary Fri 06-Jan-17 13:24:57

X post, totally normal grin DS could repeat the entire script of most Thomas the Tank engine when I was pg with his sister thanks to my horrible morning sickness and heartburn taking it out of me!

MrsMozart Fri 06-Jan-17 13:27:56

Let him go.

TV and snack food of almost any sort for child.

You'll get through it lass.

Tenshidarkangel Fri 06-Jan-17 13:32:26

If it's someone he doesnt see often... hands big girl pants

Can GP not look after DD? Take some of the pressure of you for tonight?

ChocolateStarBiscuits Fri 06-Jan-17 13:38:46

Sorry you're struggling. It really is the pits to have all day sickness.

I think he should get to go but I really imagine you need to look into drafting in some help to get through in the longer term. How far along are you? Did you have it when PG with DD (i.e. do you have a rough idea how this will pan out/calm down)

ukpor Fri 06-Jan-17 13:40:21

YANBU under the circumstances it's perfectly understandable. But DH does need to go out.
Get take away for you and DD. Start bed time super early and relax in bed with DD until she drifts off. You'll be fine.

BellyBean Fri 06-Jan-17 13:41:08

Gosh I know what you're going through, I'm 9 weeks and ended up sobbing to the gp after too many evenings curled up in bed not able to keep anything down.

DD was ill for 2 weeks leading up to Xmas and most days the tv basically didn't go off. She's better and I'm turning the corner, so we had lunch out today.

Any chance he could do bedtime and go out again at 8? If not, I'd watch tv alll day and do quick bedtime without a bath.

Cel982 Fri 06-Jan-17 13:41:59

You're not unreasonable in the slightest to want him there; bad nausea and vomiting can be truly intolerable and I think people who've never suffered with it find it hard to understand just how bad it can be.

It would be nice to let him go if there's any way you can manage, though. Is there any way he can come home to put your daughter to bed and then go out again to meet his friends, or are the distances involved too great?

Happyhippy45 Fri 06-Jan-17 13:43:51

The guilt wouldn't be worth asking him to come home.
He'll be needing a break.
I had awful morning sickness for the first 6 months with my first. The second about 3-4 months. My DH wasn't in a position to help out much with childcare when I was pregnant 2nd time around.
You'll survive. Just go easy on yourself.

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