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AIBU?

To think my sister doesn't understand loneliness?

68 replies

SidAndNancy · 05/01/2017 20:20

I've always lived with someone (room mates, boyfriend etc) and now living on my own. I've been doing the place up so I've been living between my parents and there whilst work has been done.

Anyway I commented to my sister that I was nervous about moving in and living completely on my own and basically being lonely.

She said she understood and when she drops her daughter off at school and her husband is at work she too feels lonely.

Aibu to think this is entirely different?

OP posts:

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SparklyLeprechaun · 05/01/2017 20:27

It might be entirely different, but we are all different. I'm a total introvert and your situation would be bliss to me. My idea of loneliness would probably be not seeing another human being for weeks on end.

EineKleine · 05/01/2017 20:29

I think it is different, but I think you mightnbe overanalysing. Isn't she just trying to be nice?

Looneytune253 · 05/01/2017 20:32

It's still valid loneliness. You can be in a crowded room but have no one to talk to and still feel loneliness. I have a hubby and kids and work with children in my home but still feel lonely when I'm in the house on my own all day. Not crippling loneliness but still not a great feeling.

MissVictoria · 05/01/2017 20:33

No it's not different. You can feel just as lonely when you're home alone for a few hours as you would living alone. It depends on the actual person. Some people feel loneliness more keenly than others, and it's not always to do with proximity to another person but what your relationship with them is like. You can feel lonely in a packed room, and the fact she has a very close bond to her husband and daughter she could feel even lonelier in those few hours than you do all the time living alone.

TheCatsMother99 · 05/01/2017 20:33

It's still loneliness, just a different type to yours.

NannyR · 05/01/2017 20:34

I think everyone has a different concept of what loneliness is to them. I've always lived on my own and love the peace and quiet and freedom it brings. I think I would really struggle to share my living space and my life with someone 24/7.
I wouldn't say that living on my own makes me feel lonely, however put me in a situation where everyone else is paired up, with friends, family and I'm on my own and that's when I really feel loneliness.

KERALA1 · 05/01/2017 20:35

Sorry but I disagree with pp I think it's totally different.

NerrSnerr · 05/01/2017 20:35

It's just different isn't it? I used to live alone and didn't feel lonely because I was used to it but now when my husband goes away I get lonely in the evenings.

SidAndNancy · 05/01/2017 20:36

I'm not disputing that it's loneliness. But you can't compare the situations.

A husband and child come back at the end of the day.

OP posts:

AtSea1979 · 05/01/2017 20:37

OP I think it's you that doesn't understand loneliness. I am on my own but I know you can feel more lonely in the wrong marriage than you can on your own.

NapQueen · 05/01/2017 20:38

Sometimes I think having a child and a husband around the place makes the home feel even more empty when they aren't there, than had they never been there.

I bloody love it! But I know people who hate it.

Loneliness is Loneliness.

pigsDOfly · 05/01/2017 20:39

Loneliness means different things to different people, I think.

I live on my own, well with the dog as well, and I love it, would hate to live with anyone else. Yes, I do get a bit lonely sometimes but it's not a real problem and soon goes.

However, when I was in my awful marriage I was really lonely almost all the time. There was no partnership and no togetherness and I felt totally alone (not saying you're sister is feeling the same btw OP).

Being on your own and being lonely are very different things. You might find you love it too.

egginacup · 05/01/2017 20:39

Yes it is completely different, but I imagine she's just trying to empathise? Is she a SAHM? I used to find the being ay home all day pretty lonely. If you're working she may be a bit jealous and think at least you have colleagues to talk to.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 05/01/2017 20:40

I have to agree with your sister. I quite like my alone time but I know lots of mothers of the children in my sons reception class feel same as her.

SaucyJack · 05/01/2017 20:42

Is she a SAHM?

I'd imagine it's very easy to feel lonely when you're on your own most days of the week.

Trills · 05/01/2017 20:44

It's a very silly comparison, you are right about that.

Not everyone who lives alone is lonely. I love it. You may find that you enjoy it more than you think.

NapQueen · 05/01/2017 20:45

OP you can go out and socialise.You whenever you like. You can be hermit like whenever you like. You are beholden to no one.

She doesn't have those freedoms and that's restrictive and absolutely can result in loneliness.

Gallavich · 05/01/2017 20:48

It's an infuriating comparison. I'm a LP and spend 98% of my evenings alone, many weekends just me and ds. I'm an introvert and cope very well but that doesn't mean I'm not fucking lonely! Nobody ever cooks me dinner, nobody ever asks how my day was, nobody ever does the washing up. Being alone every single night is lonely. She has a partner. It's miles apart.

SidAndNancy · 05/01/2017 20:48

She works part time and she has a happy marriage.

I just don't think you can compare being in a house by yourself for 6 hours twice a week to living alone.

OP posts:

FatalKittehCharms · 05/01/2017 20:51

I lived alone, pretty much in the middle of nowhere, in a foreign country with a foreign language and didn't feel lonely.

My sister has a household of 7 and switches on the radio/TV just to drown out the silence when she is home alone.

So I think it depends on your personality.

However, if I had felt that I would live alone for the rest of my life, then I think I would have felt lonely.

BellonaBelladonna · 05/01/2017 20:56

I agree with you OP.

Limewithorange · 05/01/2017 20:59

I think you've got it wrong actually OP. Why would living alone make you lonely? It might make you crave a bit of company or radio noise but I can't see it as making you lonely. If you tell us you have limited social opportunities and are not in touch with friends or family then I might think you have some understanding of loneliness. Your sister was probably trying to show some empathy but also she might be feeling very isolated with her circumstances.

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JudithTaverner · 05/01/2017 21:00

but loneliness isn't the same as being alone is it?

You can be very lonely in a marriage I think.

It depends on the individual probably.

AliceInUnderpants · 05/01/2017 21:05

I just don't think you can compare being in a house by yourself for 6 hours twice a week to living alone.

Considering you haven't lived either of those situations yet, I'd hold fire on an opinion on 'Who Wins At Being Lonely'.

SeaEagleFeather · 05/01/2017 21:06

I just don't think you can compare being in a house by yourself for 6 hours twice a week to living alone.

I don't either. Seems a very big difference to me. No value judgement attached, but it -is- different.

It's a big move when you finally get your own place and no one else is there.

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